I had a dream, and in the dream Scott and I were quarreling. I was being persnickety, allowing myself to say unkind things, not checking myself. In the dream, I knew that I was being difficult. I looked at Scott and felt a surge of love for him, and I knew I could fix the argument, end the bickering, and I wanted to. But then, because it was a dream, Scott hopped up on a forklift to show me how he had learned to drive it.
And I looked away. In that moment, I knew that I had crossed a line and that I wouldn't be able to so easily erase the tension. A terrible sense of dread spread over me. I knew Scott was hurt that I hadn't watched him drive the forklift, and hadn't appreciated his skill, and I couldn't go back and re-do that moment. I wanted to go back and be a better person!
I woke up with a rotten feeling and was instantly relieved that the forklift incident had been a dream. I couldn't go back to sleep and started thinking about the meaning of it all. My mind had come up with a ludicrous, yet understandable analogy to real life. In relationships, it is all too easy to let your efforts wane, and to allow yourself to throw out those barbs, to blame little things on the other person, and to simply stop trying. It doesn't take long before you're not even appreciating the other person's ability to drive a forklift. It's not just in marriage. We all navigate numerous relationships every day. Suddenly someone says something we don't like, or does something we don't approve of, or lets their efforts slip a little bit, and instead of leaning into the work of the relationship, we're letting it go to rot, and probably blaming the other person.
Scott and I are lucky that we're friends and we love each other and we have figured out how to keep our relationship on solid ground. We rarely argue about anything of significance. Yet I do quite often fail to acknowledge in words Scott's talents and efforts. Every day, I pray and give thanks for Scott and his talent and hard work, and the love he shows to our kids and the time he spends with them. And then I never tell Scott.
In effect, I turn away from the forklift at the very moment Scott is demonstrating his skill. I thought about that early this morning, when the front door quietly opened and closed and Scott stepped out into the bracingly cold dark, to go and earn a living for his family. He wasn't going to drive a forklift, for which I have to admit I'm grateful, (it's cold in those warehouses!) but nevertheless, he was stepping out into the dark with nary a word of appreciation from his sleeping wife. The scary thing is, if my gratitude isn't keeping him afloat out there, what is? Bowman's donuts?
Scott, I'd like to thank you for learning to drive a forklift, and for doing such a good job of it. In fact, you've learned to drive many types of forklifts, and you always do it well, and with style. I always notice your boundless talent, too, so if I fail to thank you, don't give up on me. I'm still trying to figure out the gears on my own forklift.
And I looked away. In that moment, I knew that I had crossed a line and that I wouldn't be able to so easily erase the tension. A terrible sense of dread spread over me. I knew Scott was hurt that I hadn't watched him drive the forklift, and hadn't appreciated his skill, and I couldn't go back and re-do that moment. I wanted to go back and be a better person!
I woke up with a rotten feeling and was instantly relieved that the forklift incident had been a dream. I couldn't go back to sleep and started thinking about the meaning of it all. My mind had come up with a ludicrous, yet understandable analogy to real life. In relationships, it is all too easy to let your efforts wane, and to allow yourself to throw out those barbs, to blame little things on the other person, and to simply stop trying. It doesn't take long before you're not even appreciating the other person's ability to drive a forklift. It's not just in marriage. We all navigate numerous relationships every day. Suddenly someone says something we don't like, or does something we don't approve of, or lets their efforts slip a little bit, and instead of leaning into the work of the relationship, we're letting it go to rot, and probably blaming the other person.
Scott and I are lucky that we're friends and we love each other and we have figured out how to keep our relationship on solid ground. We rarely argue about anything of significance. Yet I do quite often fail to acknowledge in words Scott's talents and efforts. Every day, I pray and give thanks for Scott and his talent and hard work, and the love he shows to our kids and the time he spends with them. And then I never tell Scott.
In effect, I turn away from the forklift at the very moment Scott is demonstrating his skill. I thought about that early this morning, when the front door quietly opened and closed and Scott stepped out into the bracingly cold dark, to go and earn a living for his family. He wasn't going to drive a forklift, for which I have to admit I'm grateful, (it's cold in those warehouses!) but nevertheless, he was stepping out into the dark with nary a word of appreciation from his sleeping wife. The scary thing is, if my gratitude isn't keeping him afloat out there, what is? Bowman's donuts?
Scott, I'd like to thank you for learning to drive a forklift, and for doing such a good job of it. In fact, you've learned to drive many types of forklifts, and you always do it well, and with style. I always notice your boundless talent, too, so if I fail to thank you, don't give up on me. I'm still trying to figure out the gears on my own forklift.
