I'm in the middle of an extremely intricate labyrinth, and I don't know the way out. In fact, I'm not even sure if the goal is to get out, or if it's to prune the hedges as I go, or if the treasure is in the center of the maze, or if my reward depends on how I reason along the way, or what the point of the exercize is.
The labyrinth is parenting, and frankly, I'm surprised to be so lost in it. I think I always pictured having kids as a beautiful, straight path that we would all walk down together. As long as everybody's hair was cute and their clothes were clean and we showed them kindness and discipline, we would stay on the beautiful path, no problem. When Golda was born, I had no idea I was standing on the edge of an overgrown forest of entertwining pathways an never-ending choices to make. Not only is there never a time when everybody's hair is cute and their clothes are all clean, but I'm beginning to realize that looking polished isn't even the point. It's so much more complicated.
Being a parent reminds me of college. I majored in violin performance, and my schedule was four hours of practicing every day. If I put in the correct effort during those four hours, the results were good. Sometimes I didn't know exactly how to practice a certain thing, sometimes I didn't want to do it. Sometimes I practiced for a lesson, only to be told by my teacher that everything was wrong. Those four hours a day were hard, and everthing depended on them. During the hours I wan't practicing, someone else was, and I was falling behind. Everyone was doing the same thing with the same goals in mind, and there was always someone who was better at it and someone who was worse. I could see where I wanted to end up: being able to play the violin well. But how do you organize a million baby steps into a journey of a thousand miles?
Now I'm on a different quest, to be a good parent, and the stakes are so much higher. It's not four hours a day, it's 24, and I'm not just in it for myself. Scott and I are trying to keep five little kids from diving into the underbrush and losing their way, and they are so intrigued by the details, they stumble constantly. If we told the kids we were all lost in a gigantic labyrinth and Daddy and I were just trying to get us all out safely, they would be terrified. So we pretend we're all walking along that wide, straight path with our cute hair and our clean clothes. We shield them from the dangers and try to think, think which way to go. I know that Heavenly Father sees the whole picture, knows where we are and where we're trying to go, and guides our efforts. We are not as lost as we feel, nor as unprepared.
The labyrinth is a symbol of a spiritual journey and a rebirth. I can't think of a more succinct description of parenthood. As daunting a task that it is to navigate such a complex endeavor, I feel blessed to be on the journey. I pray Scott and I don't make too many blunders, and that we are able to show our kids that they are our treasure, now and forever. The treasure that got us into this labyrinth in the first place, and the treasure that makes us see that it's actually a beautiful place to be.
12 comments:
Oh, Circe, this is beautiful. I shudder a little bit when you voice your doubts, because in my book you're doing great. But at least we're all in this together!
Well said, as usual. Again, when is your book coming out?
Amen!!! I think you guys are doing great! It is so hard to see the big picture when there are so many little details to pay attention to each day.
Really, I mean why didn't the maze come with a personalized map? It would have made things so much easier. Turn left at ballet lessons, turn right when curfew is broken, left when they hit each other, etc. I know we have all sorts of spiritual maps at our finger tips. It is just using them and applying the knowledge that is the trick. I'm glad we have each other to lean on for support. You guys are doing a marvelous job! If ever in doubt, look at how beautiful Golda and Ruby are both becoming (although they always have been) on the inside and out.
What a great analogy. I love your wisdom and insights on parenting. I loved your comment on another blog about a scoring a victory if a child feels love during a difficult encounter. I try to remember that every time we hit a road block. Thanks for the wise words!
Well, I am right there with you Circe! It is such a challenge to remember the goal... as my mother says, you're not rearing children, but future parents. And... it is exhausting. Doubly exhausting pregnant.
Beautiful Circ! I am with Liz, when comes the book? Remember that short story you talked about, I am still waiting for it. This is a perfect analogy. I am glad we are all in it together to tell each other which turns have worked or not for us!
How did you get inside my brain? That is what I have been thinking about this week... the analogy is perfect.
You fooled me! It seems you have everything under control. Dang. I'm still asking for advice!
How true it is! And just when you think you have it figured out, they move a wall on you! At least we are all in it together!
That is wonderful! Thanks for sharing. It really does express what we all go through.
I hope this gets published in a parenting magazine, or the Ensign or something at the very least. This was beautiful and so inspiring to read. I loved it and it really made my day and uplifted me in my sick, prego stupor.
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