The big thing at recess these days is The Bar. The third grade girls line up and spot each other while flipping off the high bar. If you don't do The Bar, there is nobody to play with at recess. Sweet little Ruby is agonizing over her lack of confidence on The Bar. The other girls don't take her skills seriously and bypass her in line, and she's feeling left out. Ruby is very determined about reaching goals, and I wanted to help her solve her problem, so tonight we went over to the school to practice on The Bar for recess tomorrow. I showed Ruby my cool trick from third grade, but she wanted to stick to the Cherry Drop. I helped her a few times, but her fear kept getting in the way, and she wasn't feeling it. There she was, this bright, compassionate, talented, beautiful girl, quietly sobbing under The Bar, her head turned away from me, tears splashing into the bark. My heart broke. I couldn't fix Ruby's problem. I can help her with her homework and practicing and tell her how amazing she is and tuck her in safely at night and praise her for being so kind. I can build her up and teach her and give her opportunities for learning and growing. But tomorrow at 10:15, she'll be shuffled to the end of the line at The Bar. She'll be full of dread, her heart pounding, fighting back tears. Her turn will finally come, her friends will be impatient as she struggles to get up on The Bar. Maybe she'll chicken out at the last minute. She'll be ashamed and frustrated in front of all her friends. And I can't fix it.
Leaving the playground tonight, tears burned my eyes as I watched Ruby give up and walk away. I thought about Red Rover and Dodgeball and all the other games I was terrible at as a kid. I was the little runt that all the other kids laughed at. Or did we all feel that way? Ruby asked me, "Why am I the only one in the whole school who can't do it?" None of my answers sufficed, and this is a growing pain that I can't medicate. I wish I had all the answers, and I wish Ruby didn't know that I don't.
13 comments:
Oh, I feel both of your pain! I still can remember feeling exactly the way ruby does, I think that is one reason you and I became friends. And I so feel the way you do when I can't fix my kids hurts. Don't you just feel like going over there at recess and thumping somebody, because really how silly is the whole thing? but it is such a big deal when you are the kid. Oh, I hope they move on to something new to do at recess soon!
Hang in there Ruby!!! Isn't it amazing how fresh the pain is for us when our kids go through these things?
Ruby, Uncle Ryan can't even get to the fourth rung of the ladder without starting to cry. I hate being in high places too, and that is why I never learned to do anything on the high bar at school. You are an amazing young woman, and we love you very much!!!
Oh Circe! I started to cry for her too as I read this! I couldn't do the bar either! Kids can be so mean! Liz was right when she said that our pain becomes fresh again as we watch our kids struggle through the same stuff.! Never a truer statement typed!
This is the part of parenting that I hate-- not having all the answers, or being able to stop the hurt.
I was never good at the bar either. Tell Ruby that she has soooo many talents that she can't be good at everything or it wouldn't be fair to everyone else. I have found there is always someone who is going to be better then you at something & there is always someone who is going to be worse.
.. and it starts. Why do we do this to ourselves? Comparing our talents to those of others and feeling we're short. When kids get past grade school and being able to do the bar falls in priority.. there are going to be lots of girls who wish they were the musician that Ruby is and had the most beautiful red hair in the whole world like Ruby does and can paint like a dream like Ruby and dance beautifully. And, if they were smart they would truly be jealous of how kind and helpful she always is.. Ruby shines from the inside out.. you have to just be that way.. you can't fake that. There are going to be lots of girls who wish they had spent some time caring about those talents instead.. but I understand that's hard to see from the playground. :(
Kids can be so cruel yet it shapes us. It's hard being moms watching our kids go through what we've all suffered through. Sadly, this starts for us at "The Bar" and continues on through high school, college, etc. You can do it Ruby!!! Thanks for sharing Circe, it's nice to hear that we all hurt for our babies. Also, I would love to give my thoughts On the Glass Castle....I loved that book
I consider these experiences to be the greatest experiences in developing character. I feel sorry for any child that does everything perfectly. It is only through challenges that we grow strong. I don't think this will help poor Ruby at all, but as adults we all look back on our own "bar" experiences and know growth occurred.
The first time I did a cherry drop, I cracked my head open. I still have a scar. All that peer pressure is brutal. I can't see E digging the bar.....she can barely handle a hangnail, let alone all the nasty blisters the "bars" give you.
I remember doing a cherry drop due to peer pressure and falling on my face. I can still picture myself getting up with a mouthful and sand and running crying to the teacher. It is amazing how we can feel the hurt of our children and can do nothing. It is a glimpse of what Heavenly Father feels for us each time we feel frustration.
Tell Ruby that The Bar will soon fade and a new fun recess activity will begin. Maybe she could even be the trend setter and start a new trend! Jump rope?
Hey Rubes. I'll come and show you how to do around the world. It looks cool and no dropping is involved. Jer's Jen is right.... you can start a new trend. We love ya sis and hang in there! This too shall pass.
ruby guess what!!!!!!
you where wrong about everybody can do a cherry drop but me comment. #1 about a 1/3 of the girls can do one and I am not one of them. #2 there are about 2 boys in the whole school that can do it. #3 If you ever need want to learn how to do turn around the world like my mom said has to have hands and you can learn how to do it once you see it lets just say, it's easy!!! Me and My mom can also teach you Butterfly that is even easer!!! call soon!!!!!!!!!!
love lex
I love the way you are so open and honest in your blogs. Good luck to Ruby at the Bar. Hopefully Friday went well. She has talents in so many things. She may be great at "the bar" or it may be one of her challenges like we all face. I hate it that sometimes we have to let them feel the hurt and we can't take it away. Thanks for your book club comments. I would love to do a review...maybe on Left To Tell or maybe on a another oldie but goodie. Em and her Baba said they saw you at the park today and it was fun:)
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