I am not a big fan of guns. In fact, I'm scared of them and the people who love them. But nothing makes me want to go out and buy a gun more than the little bird that lives right outside my bedroom window. Listen, BIRD, 4:30 AM is NOT morning. It's the middle of the night. Nobody wants to hear you warble in the middle of the night. It's not a competition to see who can pipe up first, you overachieving finch. If it's still dark outside, SHUT UP. When people are woken up at 4:30 every morning with the SAME SONG, they start to do crazy things. They scheme about hunting rifles and slingshots and toxic gas and cyanide-laced earthworms.
My dad, back in the day, accidentally shot a woodpecker that kept pecking on our metal chimney. He was trying to scare it away, but his aim was so bad that he killed it instead, with a BB gun. Wracked with guilt, he had it stuffed and displayed it in his library. It made for a good last-minute show-and-tell all through grade school, as well as a viual aid for reports. ("Another report on woodpeckers, Circe?") Now I can completely understand why my dad was out in the front yard shooting in the air. Birds are annoying! So annoying, in fact, that I might end up as crazed as my dad. It really is a good thing we don't own a gun, although my dad did break a window throwing rocks at a bird once. In the interest of preserving nature, I'll try to stay inside during the early morning hours, but if I get any more sleep-deprived, I can't promise anything.
13 comments:
I concur, I have a love/hate relationship with the damned things as well. May I suggest ear plugs?
U MUST have sleep when you are pregnant.....
I HATE HATE guns. But I'm fine with my husband and neighbor shooting the pigeons off my roof because of the mess they make. Borrow a BB gun. You need sleep. It's ridiculous you are waking up to a BIRD. It needs to go.
Somebody over here has chickens that think 5:30 is morning. I want to know how to get rid of them too. I am with you on the BB gun, I could send my B-in-law over. He is one of those gun people. No one should ever mess with a pregnant woman's sleep least of all a bird.
P.S. I just read your list of activities this week and now I am tired.
I agree. I guess it is the price we pay to live amongst the trees.
I remember the saying a friend carved into a charming plant stand she made:
Faith is the bird that sings while the dawn is still dark.
I thought it was so cute, meaningful even, until the summer my own nerves were frayed just like yours. Come to think of it, I was pregnant then too. Aargh!
A better version? Dead is the bird . . .
P.S. I love how you weave anecdotes from the past into your current stories.
That bird would be much safer if he learned to warble at say around 10 am. Sleep deprivation is a serious thing!
I never knew the inside story on the woodpecker! That is hilarious! Also, the broken window makes me laugh...I can only imagine the drama .......
My only question is If you're going to be up at 4:30, what are you doing blogging at midnight? I suggest the earplugs and eye blind things- oh and an ambien.
Jefe has guns. Lots of them. (Do you still like me?)
There used to be a really loud nasty Magpie that lived in my Grandpa's pine tree. We were eating breakfast, the Magpie started its ugly song and my G-pa lost it. He slammed his fork down, said he would be right back.
Then we heard a gun shot.
He shot the Magpie and when he came back in grinning, he said "Now we can eat in peace."
And we did.
That is hysterical. I am sure not to you, but this post gave me a hearty laugh. Oh, by the way, the friend Maylin was bossing around is a year older. Hee hee hee
You have my blessing to use the phrase "SHUT UP"... since you're pregnant. I hate that loud squaking every morning too.
This is your good conservative friend speaking... shoot the bird. :)
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