S O S

OK, I need help getting my life back under control. Summer has gone to the dogs. Read what's going on, then think of a way to help me.

7:30 AM When school was in session, we were all getting up, getting dressed, the kids were eating breakfast and getting their practicing done. NOW everybody is sound asleep, in various rooms of the house, in sleeping bags, blankets, swimsuits, whatever they passed out in the night before.

8:40 AM During school, 3 of the kids were out the door and the rest of us were loading into the car for preschool. Breakfast was eaten, lunches were packed. People were wearing clothes and shoes, in most cases. NOW Everybody is still asleep. Freestone left his shoes at the pool last Thursday. We see them in the lost and found sometimes. At least we know where they are.

9:30AM While they kids were at school, I would do some wash, fix some violins, meet customers at the shop, go to the grocery store, put stuff in the crock pot. NOW kids are just dragging their tangled heads out of bed, only to find there's no milk for the cereal and no hope of anything else to eat, either, since I haven't been to the store since June 2nd. Some of the more survival-minded kids are eating dry Top Ramen. In front of the TV, of course, wearing the swimsuits they fell asleep in.

12:00 PM Back in the day, I would have had a bunch of errands done, a bunch of laundry done, and would be feeding the littles lunch and helping them practice. NOW I'm thinking, if I can just make it to the car with all the kids, we could get to the pool and everything would be OK. But I can't get up off the couch. Freestone is on his 6th popsicle, all the doors are wide open, wild animals are on the counter in the kitchen, and Xanthe is spraying the hose into the house through the front door. Do I care? No. I'm too hot.

3:00 PM During school, I'd be zipping around getting the house clean and making a snack for the kids who were about to come home from school. I'd have little piles of dance wear, sheet music, whatever we'd need for the rest of the day, all ready to go by the front door. NOW I'm still trying to make it to the car to go to the pool, but Xanthe can't find her swimsuit and Ari hasn't practiced yet. I drag myself to the laundry room to rewash the same load of laundry I rewash every three days. I just can't get the clothes to the dryer.

4:00 PM If I had my schedule, I'd be at a music lesson and there would be another one afterwards, then it would be ballet pick-up and everyone would have homework to to and things would be getting done. NOW that it's summer, we've made it to the pool and we're hastily swallowing cheese bread which we gobbled in the parking lot on the way in. (No outside food in the pool.) Dinner will be a pizza on the way home. The people at Pies for Five recognize me as the crazy lady who comes in twice a day with five kids, once dry and angry for cheese bread, and then again later, soaking wet and calm, ordering pizza.

7:30 PM If school were in session, the littles would be ASLEEP, if you can believe it. Stories would have been read, dinner finished, baths done. The bigs would be at a dance class or reading or doing their homework in their jammies. NOW, though, we're still at the pool and we can't leave because I only have 50 pages left in my book. Nobody has had a bath for weeks, unless you count the kiddie pool. Scott is home eating leftovers from a family party, and the rest of us are holding out for that five-dollar pizza.

10:00 Ahh, I remember the good old days. The kids would have been asleep for hours, I'd be watching TV and doing whatever crafty thing I wanted to do. My piles of gear would be on the counter, ready to go for the next day. NOW, 13 kids are outside running through the sprinklers, Xanthe is in her crib shouting, "Mom! Whatcha doin'?" and Scott is comatose on the couch. He gets overstimulated by all the chaos and takes a nap. I'm on my way to the car with a big bag of give-away because it's easier to get rid of everything than to put it away at this point.

MIDNIGHT If there were school the next day, even I would be asleep by midnight. The dryer would be humming, the dishwasher would be swishing. All would be quiet on the Western front. This is ridiculous, but NOW, Scott, Ruby, Golda and I are watching So You Think You Can Dance, which we didn't watch earlier because we were at the pool. Tomorrow, we'll all sleep in until 9:00 and the cycle will repeat itself. Help! How can I regain control? Give me your job charts, your incentive programs, your threats, your bribes, your master plans. SOMEBODY GIVE ME A SCHEDULE!!