Eyes To See

Crazy, darling little Xanthe got a good report at her parent-teacher conference.  Both of her teachers raved about her participation in class and her determination do do well.  Mme Hassell spoke to Xanthe in French, asking her how many brothers she has and things like that.  When Xanthe understood and answered, I didn't know whether to cheer or cry!  It's generally not expected for a parent to fall on the floor sobbing with relief at parent-teacher conferences, so I tried to stay composed.  It was exciting, though.  I knew she could do it!

Mrs. Arnell suggested that we play a game at home where I call out page numbers and Xanthe finds them.  In class, she said, Xanthe appears to have no idea where in the book to look when the teacher tells them to turn to a certain page.  The first time we played this "game," which Xanthe was eager to do, it was shocking. Xanthe just does not have a sense of the chronology of the numbers.    She also can't remember the difference between numbers like 150 and 115.  And with the one in front of the numbers in the hundreds, she doesn't understand when I try to explain that the 1 doesn't matter when we're trying to decide which number is higher.  If I say 130 and 145, they are both in the hundreds, but she can't separate the 30 and 45 out to decide which is higher.  Also, the idea of a high number being at the "back" of the book is weird.  What do I mean by "back" and "front?"

As we have played the page number game more, Xanthe has really gotten better at it, much to my relief.  It has just taken practice.  My wonderful friend Catherine spoke to a friend of hers who is blind in one eye and gave me some good information for Xanthe.  The biggest thing that is hard to understand about the eye is that if we cover one eye, our brains compensate for the loss of vision and the loss of depth perception.  Someone who has always been blind in one eye, their brain doesn't have the experience necessary to do that.  So for Xanthe, being essentially blind in one eye is different and worse than if I were to just cover one eye.  The understanding of depth perception is just not part of her experience.

So I wonder if that plays into her struggles with spatial relations.  She just has to memorize what we mean when we say "higher or lower," as opposed to having a grasp of the concept, which for me would involve seeing a timeline in my mind or something like that.

This week, Xanthe reminded me again that she wants to go to the doctor and get glasses.  She is just beginning to understand that she just can't see out of that eye, even with glasses.  I explained again that when she was born, she was very tiny, and her eye didn't get a chance to develop.  The "mirror" behind her eye (the retina) is scrambled, not smooth.  So glasses can't help it.

After I explained, Xanthe said, "No fair."

I said, "Seriously.  No fair."

Thank heavens for the good eye.  Without it, we would all be in the dark, never having known Xanthe's full-out smile, her gleeful giggle or her larger-than-life footsteps clomping in from school to unload every scrap of paper from her backpack for my careful scrutiny.

Don't get me wrong; I am sad and angry about the eye.  But there is more than one way to see and more than one vision of success.  Xanthe saw and accepted that before I did.

Who's blind now?

Rivers



Xanthe's enthusiasm is evident.

 Xanthe is nearing the end of Suzuki Book One in piano.  I never thought this day would come, and I'm not sure why we have kept at it, except that Sarah kept saying, "At least you haven't quit."  The only way to really ensure failure is to quit, so I kept thinking that as long as Xanthe was still practicing every day, we were still winning.  There have been times (almost every day) when it didn't feel like we were winning.  It took Xanthe a good, solid year to be able to tell the difference between Middle C and the D next to it on the staff.  It's been harrowing for her to learn concepts like "up and down" and "higher and lower."  Spatial relations are very difficult for X, whether it's time, space or directions.  You would be incredulous if you knew how long it has taken us to get the concept of "yesterday" having already happened, as opposed to tomorrow.  Just yesterday, Xanthe said, "So the party is tomorrow, but it's at night tomorrow."  "Tomorrow night," not something that has connected yet.  So to learn abstract concepts in relationship to a piano keyboard is a challenge!

There were dozens of lessons where little Xanthe would be asked to play something she had played by herself at home a hundred times.  She would flop her hands limply on the piano and give her teacher this sad, pathetic look.  Then the teacher would guide her fingers through it AGAIN.  It was just like swimming lessons!  (You have to read this.  It's so funny.)

But one centipede step at a time, Xanthe has improved.  Once she has a piece, she can forget it completely under pressure (pressure like me asking her to practice it), or she can play it perfectly over and over.  As much as Xanthe can buckle when something is too hard, she also will play the piano for an hour by herself if she's left alone.  That's a lot of repetition when the songs you know are 45 seconds long!  I am so glad we didn't quit.  (Don't quote me on that if we quit next week.)  I didn't know at the beginning how valuable the concepts would be to Xanthe, or how difficult.  She started piano because Bill said Xanthe might be a musical genius and why wasn't she in piano lessons.  That's all it took.  Trajan lent us his beautiful grand piano and we were off on an adventure.  I can't play the piano, so it is really hard for me to practice with Xanthe.  A lot of times it's like, "Here, play it like this.  No wait.  Umm....what is that note...?Maybe it's like this..."  I am radically inept.  So I think it's miraculous that Xanthe can play these simple songs.  I am proud of her.  This video shows how great she is, and also, on the second song, how stressed she gets if she is unsure.  The ending is the easiest part, but she made a mistake, so she shut down.  That is a problem that Xanthe is getting better at every day, in school and at home.

Since things are going smoothly, Santa Claus thought he would throw a wrench in it by giving Xanthe a flute for Christmas.  I am really excited (of course I am, you know me) to have Xanthe play an instrument that only has one melodic line happening at a time, and that doesn't depend so much on visually knowing where the notes are, like on the keyboard.  The flute is played on the side of Xanthe's good eye, although Golda says that you don't look at it when you play.  Golda is going to be Xanthe's teacher.  A great idea on so many levels.  The two girls get to spend time together, I get to pay Golda and Golda's teacher will mentor her on teaching.  Invaluable!  I talked to Golda's teacher Tuesday and she told me about a little girl she taught who was adopted from Russia at age one.  This girl got off to a slow start academically, just like Xanthe, but she ended up being an honor student and winning all kinds of flute awards.  This is another reason for Xanthe to play the flute.  Eventually, she will move from Golda to Cindy Henderson, our flute teacher, and Cindy gets where Xanthe is coming from.  Furthermore, she can get her where she is going.  Xanthe is a striver.  We didn't have piano this morning because the teacher is out of town, but at 6:30, Xanthe was dressed anyway, asking me to do her hair so she could practice.  She wants to do a good job, whether it's fear of failure or just a very determined nature.  Always with Xanthe, I use the Winnie the Pooh quote that I love and have often mentioned:  "Rivers know this, that there is no hurry.  We shall get there someday."  It brings tears to my eyes every time I repeat it to myself.  It's like Heavenly Father reassuring me through that small thought, that we shall get there.

Xanthe is a very musical little soul.  She is a fiesty, determined, scrappy, happy little soul.  And you know what?  When I look up from the keyboard long enough, I see that we are geting there.  The journey is quite a ride, and I am so grateful to be along.