Sturm and Drang

Nutcracker auditions.  Ugh!  I should say "Hip hip hooray!" but it's never that easy.  I love Nutcracker.  It defines our fall season and brings Christmas early.  But it's been four years since everyone in our family made it and/or wasn't banned by the school from trying out, so it's never unbridled joy.  The magic of Nutcracker, you can be sure, shrouds lots of heartache and disappointment.  Life lessons and all that.  This year, the results showed that Araceli was going to be reliving the same life lesson for the 3rd time in a row, while everyone else in our family made it except Esmae, poor girl.  I was happy and grateful for the ones who got parts, but there was a black spot on my heart that seethed in pain and frustration for Araceli.  She has improved so much this past year, and grown to love ballet more than ever, all for naught.  If only the judges could peer into the hearts of all the children...but then I daresay, they would hardly be able to cut anyone, they're all so innocent and deserving.  Araceli was brave, and took comfort from her friend who also didn't make it.

Then Monday, I got an email that there were 9 parts added, and Araceli was one of them.  I went to the school to tell Araceli the good news.  Her first reaction was to gasp, as she is wont to do, and immediately ask about her friend.  The friend wasn't one of the nine.  Lots of sturm and drang in the junior high hallway as my girl tried to reconcile her excitement with her friend's rejection.  It's a nasty task.

Then again, that's life.  As I sit here content with all my small accomplishments of the day, several neighbors' lives hang by a thread; refugees are turned away from basic human rights; friends receive devastating news.  And yet we are somehow able to celebrate births and marriages and yes, even parts in the Nutcracker.  If the terrible events of life prevented us from celebrating the wonderful stuff, we wouldn't be able to ever lift our heads up.

Somehow, we smother the sorrows and disappointments with a "maybe next time" and a "no big deal," and we go on, smiling, because the good things in life deserve our attention, our enthusiasm, our gratitude. We come from a God who loves us, and so we are made of love and light.  We look for the good and gravitate to the light because it's who we are at our core.  If we didn't seek after the bright side, we would get swallowed up by the darkness.  We wouldn't want that, would we?  Because if there is such a place as Hell, I bet it's made up of failed auditions, and devoid of the glories of opening night.

Xanthe and Esmae

Every year Roy's garden recital is the same day as Nutcracker auditions.
The timing is perfect, and it's always lovely.

Giraffes and Horchata

I only have one single, solitary baby home during the day.  You would think it'd be easy, but given the fact that the baby in question is Tziporah, it's quite challenging. Most days, she is intent on honing skills such as crying her eyes out and winning arguments. She also likes to say no to everything and then come up with a different, far more impossible idea.

"Tizzy, let's go get the kids from school!"

"Nooooooo! Let's go at that place with the tiny giraffes and the tea cups where dad got me cotton candy."

Whaaaaat???

Then she will cry for an hour about tiny giraffes or some such thing, during which time I have to meet people at the violin shop, order food from Taco Time, run into the store and generally carry on with my life, crying soundtrack at no extra charge.  Then there will sometimes be a lull between fits where the little tyrant dozes off in the car. Then I know I have five minutes to listen to NPR before Tziporah's eyelids flutter, she lifts her head, rubs her eyes and says, "Not Empy-Ah!  I wanted a wisten to "in December drinking horchata."

Fortunately, I sometimes know what she's talking about when I least expect to, and I flip to the old Vampire Weekend CD.

Good times, good times. And I wouldn't trade them for anything.  I held the sleeping princess last night and inhaled the sweaty sweetness of her little head. I caught a whiff of impermanence, of each little piece of her struggling to grow bigger. I whispered, "Don't do it." Each strawberry blonde hair answered in unison, "Oh, but we will!"

Intrepid little thing, how I love her. 

Temple Square in 10

Friday, poor Scott forgot the condo key.  We were at Nana's when he discovered it, so we said good-bye, hopped in the car and met him in Sugarhouse.  It was such a beautiful night, we stopped by Temple Square on the way home to take is some beauty.  I love these little kids.  They're so good and so precious.

Look at how they love this little guy, doting over him.

And Tziporah.  Yes, I was in ten minute parking.  I realize now that it was after 6!  We could have stayed all night!  As it was, we far exceeded our ten minutes, but we were back in the car by dusk and on our way home.  Life is good.

Scott's Weekend

Ran into Michelle and Jake at the Running of the Balls on Labor Day

I got intermittent photos of Scott over the weekend, living it up in Park City as a bachelor.  Since I got to experience Cancun last weekend, I forced Scott to go and take some time.  The weekend was planned around the Howard Jones concert which has been on Scott's calendar for months.  Anyone else remember the 80's like Scott does?  It was a good time, who can blame him?  The HJ concert was everything Scott hoped for and more; small venue, the guy and a piano, and lots of storytelling.  Of the two of us, Scott and me, one of us has a music degree, but the other one is the true music aficionado.  He knows everything about music.  I saw Scott through his office window yesterday, reviewing police reports with his big, fancy headphones on.  Probably listening to something on vinyl.

Scott's brother Jeff joined him for the man-weekend.  Don't they look manly?  Wish the other brothers coulda been there too.

They golfed.

The kids and I went to a pet store where ferrets were half price.  We all wanted to get one, and we even named him Enrique.  When I sent this picture to Scott, his response was, "Do not."

The view up there is always dazzling.  The leaves are already starting to turn.

Breakfast at that place...the Brazilian-owned cafe on Main Street...The Bridge, that's what it is.  Scott told me he liked what I said on my last post about rediscovering who you were all along.  For Scott, that happens when he goes to concerts.  We both recommitted to try to do more of what reminds us of our younger selves.  Because really, nobody falls in love with a middle-aged attorney worried about work, or an aging mother of 7 trying to get all the homework done.  We love each other now, not so much because of our roles now, though we do love those roles, but because of who we are underneath all that.  If you completely lose yourself to the daily grind, you can lose sight of everything.  Life is beautiful, and as Ferris Bueller once said, "If you don't look up once in awhile, you're going to miss it."

Mijatovic Weekend

We have been wanting to go to Boise and see Zeljko and Jenn's new house since spring.  Finally, we made it happen over Labor Day weekend.  Scott was in Park City enjoying a weekend that was planned around the Howard Jones concert that he's been looking forward to for months, so the rest of us went up without him, leaving Kaysville after all the ballet classes and arriving in time for pizza with the Mijatovic crew.  They took good care of us!  We talked late into the night and woke up early, managing to get 11 kids to church by 9.  We're that good!  ;)

After church, Zeljko and Jenn prepared these delicious fried burritos.  They said that nobody has ever not liked them, so when I woke up this Tuesday and realized that I was hosting Shelter that day, I made the burritos.  They're delicious!  Greasy and delicious, as the family joke goes.  It comes from an ad we saw in China that falls under the category, "Unfortunate translations."

Zeljko helped Ptolemy gather an egg from the pretty chickens.  The rabbits weren't as pretty or as friendly, but then again, Zeljko was planning on eating them, so we didn't really want them to be too adorable. ;)

Jenn is a talented artist and interior designer.  She did most of the art on this wall and arranged it all.  Her whole house is full of evidence of her talent.

Crazy group.  Sorry, Jenn!  I promise, everyone, her arm isn't that big in real life. Ha ha

I kinda loved watching the chickens. Their adorable house is right outside the big living room window.  It sounds like a lot of work to take care of them, but Zeljko and Jenn promise it's not.  The kids do it all as part of their chores.  Still, I think Zeljko and Jenn are far less lazy than I am.  I'll just admire their farm animals.

And their half-pipe.

Zachary showed us some money his grandparents brought from their mission in Uganda.

And they even have a garden bursting with yummy little child's candy tomatoes.  The kids all decided they liked tomatoes!

After lunch, Anders was in charge of putting together a family home evening lesson.  The kids did a skit.  It was cute.  We all loved having family time just to relax and talk about things.  We were going to go home Sunday evening, but we were all having too much fun.  Golda said, "But I'm just starting to relax!"  So we stayed.  The kids had hours of fun on the half pipe Sunday evening.  They would all choose a side, then slide down and crash into each other.  Tizzy had a fake injury and cried to me, "One of the cousins kicked me!"  I'm glad they consider Anders, Zachary, Tyler and Jake to be cousins.  We sure count them as family.  I'm sure everyone knows that we met Zeljko and his parents and sister in Greece in 1996, and kept in touch.  Later, when the war in Kosovo was raging, Vladimir contacted us pleading for help getting Zeljko out of Yugoslavia and into the U.S. so he would not have to die fighting in Kosovo.  By the grace of God, our friends and family donated enough money, obstacles were removed and Zeljko miraculously made it safely to the states, where he lived with us in Idaho until the University of Idaho granted him a housing scholarship.  He converted to the LDS church, met Jenn and the rest is history.  Out of that one chance meeting came so much love.  Now we have family in Serbia and in Idaho, and we love all of them very much.  Especially now that they have given us the recipe for those fried burritos.

This is the new Tizzy.  She won't leave our sides.

This was in Sublett, Idaho, on the drive up.  The kids loved feeding the animals.  I bought a bag of food for a dollar at this kitchy gas station.  If you ever drive I-84 from Northern Utah to Boise, you might as well stop here.  It's fun, and there's not a whole lot of other options!  The 5-hour drive home commenced at 5 am Monday, so we could make it home for a full day at the pool, it being the traditional Last Day.  Thanks for a fun weekend, Mijatovic family!

Sand and Saltwater

 My friend Audrey works for Jet Blue, and I was lucky enough several years ago to become part of a little group of friends now known as the Dirty Diet Cokes, who occasionally get a last-minute call to pack up and take off.  This time, Cancun.  It was Jen's first stamp in her passport!  Whoo hoo!!!
 We ended up leaving a day early, on a Wednesday night.  Can we just give a shoutout ot the husbands who shooed us out the door, especially Scott, who drove us to the airport.  Got to Cancun early the next day and were greeted by the Gulf of Mexico in all its splendor.  I think all of us have reached a point in our parenting where we can relax and not worry while we're gone.  The home crew has everything under control.

 We bussed downtown for lunch, where fresh guacamole was prepared at our table.  Ahhhh.

 Giant hot tub.  This is the life!

 Obligatory shot of my feet doing what they do while I stare at the ocean.  Araceli gave me this cute pedicure before I left.  The pink things are anchors.  Cute, huh?

 My model friends, Jen and Angela

 Pizza for dinner, friends, a good book and the beach.  This is my zen place.

 And then...magic!  A crowd was gathering to see and hold baby turtles.  The Marriott has a conservation program where they take turtle nests and relocate the eggs to a safe place.  When the babies hatch, they release them into the ocean after dark so the birds don't feast on them.  We each got to release one!  Mine was asleep, poor little dear.  Imagine the shock of being a 3-day-old sleeping baby, and suddenly someone says, "It's time to go fend for yourself in the vast, dangerous ocean!"  We imagined our sleepy baby turtles saying, "Oh man!  That's today!?  I was just taking a nap!"

 We were all wishing our kids were there to experience the magic.

 Excursion to Isla Mujeres the next day.  Our crew was fun!

 We snorkeled and then spent time on the island getting 10-minute massages, wading in the water, kayaking, and eating the lunch provided, which was tasty.

 Seriously, I think my body slowed down its metabolism.  I felt like Jen looks in this pic!

 Massage guy

 Our friend the popcorn vendor on the island

 Beautiful place, beautiful people.  Each of the people we met was genuinely open and loving, and fun.

 Loved our crew.  We each got a kiss on the cheek from the guy on the left, Mariano, as we left the boat.

 That night we were all sitting on the beach and a hotel employee walked up to us and whispered, "Do you like baby turtles?"  Angela thought he said, "Do you like scriptures?"  So she was surprised when some of us said, "Yes!!!"  Then he said, "Do you want to release some?"  Again, " we said "YES!!"  and Angela was baffled as we got up to go, thinking the guy had said, "Do you want to read some?"  Ha!  No, we weren't headed off the beach to read scriptures with this guy.  Tee hee.  In fact, he had two crates piled high with baby turtles!!  And there was nobody on the beach except us.  We each released probably close to a hundred.

 It was magical.  I was gathering up 4 or 5 at a time, whispering into their ears, "Vaya con Dios," (since we were in Mexico:)  and waiting for a wave to come so I could set them in the retreating water.  We had to watch for those that washed back, so we didn't step on them, and try again.  Two or three were sluggish and we knew they wouldn't make it out there.  Sadly, according to statistics, only about 2 or 3 of every thousand ever makes it to adulthood, which is 30 years.  Each one of the baby sea turtles seemed so precious, so complete and whole it its creation, so perfect.  They were beautiful.  Look at their faces.  They looked somehow stoic, wise, determined, yet playful.  It's incredible that they know what to do.

 Everyone sent pictures home to dads and kids.  We were wishing so much that our kids could hold these tiny creatures and take part in their life cycle.  Once-in-a-lifetime experience.  Unless you work at the Marriott in Cancun.  They release these little guys every night.

 This is the turtle egg nursery.

 Airport.  These guys were good!

 Jen's hot chocolate

 The way the flights looked, we opted to leave Mexico a day early and spend a night in New York.  I was thrilled.  Two trips in one!  I love New York.  I don't care what I'm doing, I just love to be there.  We got in late Saturday night and subway'd into Lower Manhattan the next morning.  We had a loose plan to do breakfast at a gluten-free place in the Financial District that Melanie looked up, then see the 9-11 Memorial.  It was a gorgeous New York day, with just a hint of fall in the air.

 Stock Exchange

 These unborn children on the memorial are what gets me every time.  I love how they did the memorial.  It's a perfectly chilling reminder of that day, and you can't help but relive it when you're there.  Four of us were pregnant on 9-11, or about to be.

 The church next to the towers that became a makeshift triage center during the crisis is still a monument to the fallen.

 Lower East side, Little Italy.  I love those neighborhoods.  We walked from Lower Manhattan through Chinatown, Canal Street, Little Italy, Nolita and the Lower East Side to a gelato place Audrey wanted to try, which happened to be right across the street from Katz's Deli.  It was the perfect itinerary for our day in the city.

 Next time, I'll try this place.  I bought a book on Kindle for the plane ride home, Russ and Daughters.  It's about a herring store that's been on the Lower East Side for a hundred years.  It's a fascinating history of the neighborhood.  Only Russ and Daughters, Yonah Schimmel and Katz's are original to the area, having survived through all the changes over the last century. Where I really want to go is the Lower East Side and the Bowery, but during the 1920's.

 To die for.  I still think Feldman's in Salt Lake is better, though.

 The gelato was so good, I still have regrets about not being able to eat more of it!

 We were totally pressed for time getting to the airport, because the city had us under its spell.  It was a lazy Sunday in New York, and we bought into it 100%.  Fortunately, we did make our flight and got home to see all the little faces who were waiting for us.

I brought Tziporah this cute little Mexican dress.  I'm so thankful to my friends, who accept me really without judgment, even after some deep conversations on the beach and some experiences that will, hand to God, stay in Mexico forever.  I'm so grateful to have Scott, who supports whatever I want to do, and all my sweet little kids who love me even if I leave them during the first week of school, as long as I bring presents.  There's a saying that "Travel isn't about finding yourself.  It's about discovering who you were all along."  It's so true.  There are so many layers of intensity in daily life, and especially in parenting.  It's nice once in awhile to remember, with the help of the sand in my toes and salt water in my hair, that I was once just a girl, before I became a lifeline to 7 little ones and a partner with Scott in creating a life that is safe and fulfilling for them.  Once, it was just me, and I'm still in there.