Food Issues

This is a paragraph from a book I just read, Baby, We Were Meant for Each Other by Scott Simon.  He and his wife adopted two girls from China, and the book has some insights into their girls' behavior, personality and background that is common to many children adopted from China.  If you can't see this paragraph, click on it to enlarge it and read it.  It perfectly explains Xanthe and her food habits.  I would have thought that by now, her food issues would be resolved, but they're not.  It worries me, but this paragraph makes me understand better why she gets so incredibly agitated waiting for food.  Recently, Xanthe was incapable of eating her scrambled eggs because Ari had more on her plate than Xanthe.  She couldn't do it, and just sat there and sobbed that she didn't have enough, her plate piled high with eggs.  She can shove her entire meal into her mouth at once in order to get more if she sees something she doesn't have.  A kid who is choking because she's stuffed her mouth so full, and is crying for whatever she happened to see that wasn't on her plate, is not a pretty sight.  Sometimes I feel a deep-seated rage when Xanthe has her food meltdowns.  I feel rage that she was hungry and deprived as a baby.  Then I feel angry that she is still acting like this.  What I have to remember is that she has very little control over these instinctual feelings.  There is no limit to the amount and variety of patience a parent has to have, I tell you! 

I could give you so many details, but the bottom line is that she is exhibiting a fight or flight reflex when it comes to food.  She does get unreasonably desperate about food, and I think being hungry during your first months of life changes something inside of a person that is hard to overcome.  Yes, we feed her and she is safe and her world is predictable.  But none of it makes up for the visceral response to fear and hunger that food triggers.  Someday, Xanthe will be able to understand it, I hope, and deal with it.  It's interesting.  A friend of mine told me that there is a direct correlation between the number of childhood traumas suffered and the amount of control a child feels they must have in their day-to-day life.  Xanthe is a complete NUT of a control freak.  That combined with her food anxiety makes me feel like I'm working in a very busy restaurant whenever mealtime rolls around.  Except Xanthe is my only customer!

I am so glad this book gave me such perfect insight into how Xanthe's brain must work.  Now that I understand her better, I can maybe help her feel less anxiety.  Any ideas how?!