Eyes To See

Crazy, darling little Xanthe got a good report at her parent-teacher conference.  Both of her teachers raved about her participation in class and her determination do do well.  Mme Hassell spoke to Xanthe in French, asking her how many brothers she has and things like that.  When Xanthe understood and answered, I didn't know whether to cheer or cry!  It's generally not expected for a parent to fall on the floor sobbing with relief at parent-teacher conferences, so I tried to stay composed.  It was exciting, though.  I knew she could do it!

Mrs. Arnell suggested that we play a game at home where I call out page numbers and Xanthe finds them.  In class, she said, Xanthe appears to have no idea where in the book to look when the teacher tells them to turn to a certain page.  The first time we played this "game," which Xanthe was eager to do, it was shocking. Xanthe just does not have a sense of the chronology of the numbers.    She also can't remember the difference between numbers like 150 and 115.  And with the one in front of the numbers in the hundreds, she doesn't understand when I try to explain that the 1 doesn't matter when we're trying to decide which number is higher.  If I say 130 and 145, they are both in the hundreds, but she can't separate the 30 and 45 out to decide which is higher.  Also, the idea of a high number being at the "back" of the book is weird.  What do I mean by "back" and "front?"

As we have played the page number game more, Xanthe has really gotten better at it, much to my relief.  It has just taken practice.  My wonderful friend Catherine spoke to a friend of hers who is blind in one eye and gave me some good information for Xanthe.  The biggest thing that is hard to understand about the eye is that if we cover one eye, our brains compensate for the loss of vision and the loss of depth perception.  Someone who has always been blind in one eye, their brain doesn't have the experience necessary to do that.  So for Xanthe, being essentially blind in one eye is different and worse than if I were to just cover one eye.  The understanding of depth perception is just not part of her experience.

So I wonder if that plays into her struggles with spatial relations.  She just has to memorize what we mean when we say "higher or lower," as opposed to having a grasp of the concept, which for me would involve seeing a timeline in my mind or something like that.

This week, Xanthe reminded me again that she wants to go to the doctor and get glasses.  She is just beginning to understand that she just can't see out of that eye, even with glasses.  I explained again that when she was born, she was very tiny, and her eye didn't get a chance to develop.  The "mirror" behind her eye (the retina) is scrambled, not smooth.  So glasses can't help it.

After I explained, Xanthe said, "No fair."

I said, "Seriously.  No fair."

Thank heavens for the good eye.  Without it, we would all be in the dark, never having known Xanthe's full-out smile, her gleeful giggle or her larger-than-life footsteps clomping in from school to unload every scrap of paper from her backpack for my careful scrutiny.

Don't get me wrong; I am sad and angry about the eye.  But there is more than one way to see and more than one vision of success.  Xanthe saw and accepted that before I did.

Who's blind now?