Oh, Brother!

Are you looking for good ways to hemorrhage money while getting nothing fun in return?  How about replacing two corroded water heaters?  One of ours started leaking all over.  Scott was panicked about the water ruining the carpet and flooring.  He had blankets and towels all over the floor, soaking up the leak.  He was practically up all night babysitting the water in the utility closet, directing it politely toward the drain.  He was worried sick.

The next morning, the plumber came over, took one look and said, "Yep.  It's shot."  He then reached his arm up to a giant, red lever at eye level on the hot water heater, turned the giant lever a quarter turn to the left and said, "OK, now I've turned the water to this heater off, so it won't leak anymore."

Duuuuuuuuh!

The lever practically said, "OFF!  ON!" With arrows.  A baby could turn it with one finger.  We wouldn't even have had to borrow a tool from Ross up the street to turn the water off ourselves.  But sadly, we were too home-improvement-challenged to realize that.

I have to give Scott credit, though, for not only saving our carpet with his heroic vigil, but also learning how to tile and grout this week.  He and his brothers, dad and mom tiled our two downstairs bathrooms over the course of three very long evenings, plus an extra day of hanging cement board for Bruce and Marlene.  I can't even thank them enough.  On the third night, I got home from teaching at about 9:30 to find a row of cars lined up in front of my house.  They guys were still working, and I knew their families were at home, they had come straight from work, and they were getting up early the next morning.  Their time is precious, and they shared it with us, no questions asked.  Thanks, Mom and Dad, Ryan,Jer, Jeff and Clint.  We really appreciate you.  It kindof makes me want to have two more sons, in case Freestone and Ptolemy ever need a helping hand turning off a water valve or tiling a bathroom!

Families Are Forever

I (and others) have been given the question of how to impart to our young women the notion that getting married and having a family are central to God's plan.  Whoa.  Does that sound archaic and frumpy and slightly embarrassing, and maybe even mean and exclusionary?  In the climate of our culture, it does, a little bit.  I am almost afraid of this discussion because it's so easy to devalue the choices people make in order to justify your own choices.  I don't think we should teach the young women to feel judgmental or self-righteous, nor do I think it's good for them to feel as if "the world" is targeting them for their beliefs.  I don't want the girls to believe that people who choose differently than they do are the enemy.  I just want them to be strong enough in their convictions that they can live a life centered around family, probably staying home with their kids, while not feeling threatened by others' opinions. That being said, I am increasingly grateful that there is a voice for domesticity, with so many voices saying it's an outdated idea, an oppressor of women. 

Recently it seems like it's disingenuous to suggest that life can be happy.  Talking about the hard parts or the bad parts of life is equated with honesty.  Read this article from Salon,com, if you haven't already.  The author describes herself as "your standard-issue late-20-something childless overeducated atheist feminist."  (I know a LOT of over-educated stay-at-home-moms.  Don't flatter yourself, lady.)  The author can't figure out why she is so attracted to "Mormon Mommy Blogs," where life just seems so rosy.  She is suspicious of the contentment and the simplicity of life when she contrasts it to the stress of her own. 

Why are we so skeptical of happiness?  Why are we so cynical about faith?  What I want to impart to all the young women in my group is this:  That a happy, family-centric life is a possibility, it's a reality for me and many women around me, and it can be a reality for you.  In fact, it should be your greatest desire.  Everything you undertake in your education, your training, your relationships with other people, your personal fulfillment, can be with your future family in mind.  What do I want to be prepared to teach them?  What kind of environment will I be prepared to create in my home?  What opportunities will I be able to provide for my children?  What will my children perceive as important to me?  How will I show them that I am happy about my decision to raise a family?  How will I be an example to them of a strong, educated, thoughtful, engaged, charitable, spiritual woman?  How will I continue to learn and grow as I manage a family?  What kind of example will my marriage be for them?  Ladies, raising kids isn't about baking cookies and sewing Halloween costumes, as Salon.com suggests.  You can do all that and love it, but parenthood is infinitely more.  It is an eternal partnership with God, the father of the children who are in your care.  It's a pretty big deal.  Believe that there is not a more important role for you in this life, and plan accordingly and prayerfully.  This is a personal journey.  You won't attain happiness by comparing yourself to others, but you will always find answers in prayer.  Things will happen that are not ideal.  Divorce, financial constraints, work schedules, maybe years and years of waiting to find a spouse, infertility.  I want you to prepare for the life you want so you can face challenges with a full arsenal of tools.

I talked to both Golda and Ruby about this subject tonight.  I asked Golda if she would really give up a successful Broadway career to stay home with her children.  She quickly said she would, and gave her reason:

"Because a family lasts forever and Broadway doesn't."

True or false?

Hey You! Join the Hunt!

Click picture to enlarge.  Sorry it's sideways.  You might have to tip your head.

Weight a Minute

Ptolemy weaned himself a couple of weeks ago.  One day when it was time to nurse, he looked up at me perplexed and said, "It's gucky."  And that was it.  Complete rejection, and not a moment too soon.  If a kid can actually articulate why he wants to stop nursing...?  Yeah, I know.  But he's my last baby!!

Anyway, I've been ballooning up since the weaning, and now I'm NINE pounds overweight.  Only through the strictest self-discipline was I able to put that thought out of my head all week while I was pounding back cookies and Seacoast Pizza at the beach.  28-inch chicken-bacon-garlic-ranch pizza.  Grease was dripping off my chin.  But don't worry, the cookies absorbed the grease.

Now I'm back to my senses and not enjoying my thighs being twice the size they should be. So this is (maybe) the last picture you'll see of me (for awhile) snarfing down junk food as fast as I can.  Once I'm down to my usual size, however, you could see me once again with a giant bag of kettle corn, freshly popped, or a big bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough, or a buttery dose of Kaysville Theater popcorn, extra extra butter.  Or just a big stick of butter.

Until then, it's all veggies and fruits and lots of water.  If you see me, would you be so kind as to ask me if I've lost any weight?  Avoiding public humiliation is a big motivator, despite what my kids might think when I go out of the house with mismatched socks and magenta hair.  Thanks for your help!

It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To

"It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To" is the perfect song for Xanthe.  She is such a high-strung kid, her birthday celebration today (real b-day is Sunday) was equal parts misery and elation.  The misery was the waiting for the cake, the pizza, the party, the presents.  On a day that was forecast to be rainy in San Diego, we had clear, blue skies for a beautiful walk on the pier.  Xanthe dragged herself around like a wet noodle, moaning about how hungry she was.  She has been working on smiling and being "likable," so she got lots of chances to plaster on her fake smile as she suffered through the parts of her (fake) birthday that didn't involve food.  (FYI:  I promise, we FEED her!  ALL the time!)

At least she had her dollar-store faux hair braids to flip around.  Every stranger on the street today got their own personal hair-braid-flip from Xanthe.  She felt like hot stuff, our little six-year-old!  She told me after our little party that her favorite part of her birthday was "cake and ice cream and lunch."  Surprise, surprise!  :)

As Xanthe gets older, more of her personality reveals itself.  Xanthe is not a giver as far as love and affection.  She is very guarded about showing smiles or revealing her feelings, unless they are feelings of discontent or hunger.  When a true smile cracks her face and her eyes transform into twinkles, Xanthe is a different girl.  It has been five years since Scott and I met Xanthe and saw her first tentative smile.  Not wanting to give away too much, she would just stick out her little tongue to let us know she was in there during those first few days we were together.  Xanthe is still a closed book in some ways, with an extremely strong padlock guarding her true self.  Sometimes I look into her eyes and imagine the generations of steely, courageous Han warriors who came before Xanthe.  Her ancestors had to be warriors for their bloodline to result in our courageous fighter.  I cry for her family's loss, and for Xanthe's, but I celebrate the inclusion in our eternal family of this spicy little girl.  I imagine that behind all Xanthe's might, there is a fragile little flower.  That is the girl I try to nurture when I'm dealing with the girl who is the iron mask with the megaphone voice.  Every girlish giggle is a victory, and we had lots today.  Happy birthday, Xanthe Mary Mei!  We love you!

Super Powers

Freestone is full of one-liners and quips lately.  The other day when I asked Xanthe if she wanted to take gymnastics so she could be a cheerleader like Lexie, Freestone said, "Mom, now you're just trying to think up ways for Xanthe to be even louder."  Later, I heard him singing the national anthem with his own lyrics:  "Oh say can you see...the weirdos in my family?!..."

So, I was reading the Lightning Thief books and trying to explain what the books call a half-blood.  I told Freestone it was when one of your parents is a regular human and one is a super hero.  I asked Freestone which of his parents he thought was the super hero.  He answered, "Daddy."  (Really?  Even though I have the super-human ability to get three different kids to baseball practice, cello and ballet simultaneously, on time, while I serve dinner, oversee homework and shout, "That's a B-flat!"?)

"Daddy?  Why?  What is his super power?"

"He can always tell when I have my shirt on backwards and inside-out."

I snorted.  "How is he going to save the planet with that super power?"

Freestone isn't sure...yet.  But if anyone can find a way to save the world with his remarkable ability to detect inside-out and backwards apparel, it's Scott.  So you can all relax.  The world is in good hands.

Where Troubles Melt Like Lemon Drops

When life gets you so boxed in that you can't see past the next homework packet, carpool or church assignment, it's nice to have a place in your mind where the sky is blue, the air is balmy and the golden flowers reach fearlessly toward the sun.  It's a place you know so well that you don't even have to be there to smell the salty air or feel the ocean breeze on your arms.  Your feet can anticipate the shock of the Pacific water rushing ever them, your hands remember the gritty feel of the sand.

Even when you're not there, you can close your eyes and know that there is a place where you don't need shoes, you don't need a plan.  Just knowing it's there is soothing, like knowing there's chocolate in the pantry.  You see in your mind's eye that the endless, calming horizon can absorb the roiling turbulence of your mind just as easily as it absorbs the thrashing of the ocean, smoothing it all out and making it serene as the setting sun sinks like an anchor, dragging with it all your silly worries. 

Like Ruby said of Imperial Beach, "Heaven had better be good if it's going to beat this."

   

Peter's Roof

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbgpLqNTKSI&feature=relmfu

 I love this video because it reminds me that I have a responsibility to reach out and do more than I think I can.  Have a peaceful Sunday.

Just Kiddin'!

April Fools!  Sorry...I'm sure you knew I was kidding, especially if you remember the Pittsburgh joke.  One of these days, I'm going to do a joke that everyone believes!  Watch out!  Until then, I can't stop blogging.  I love to spill my thoughts onto "paper" and sort them out.  Thanks for listening.  If you never comment, leave me a little note.  I have made such wonderful friends through the blog, both old and new.  Come and be part of the family!  Oh, and check out Araceli's April Fools joke.  She had me laughing.  And as long as I'm still laughing...or crying...or agonizing...I'll keep sharing!  Love you all.

Final Post

I have decided to stop blogging.  It has been a fun journey for me to document my thoughts and the growth of our family, but I think I'm out of things to say.  See?  That's all I can think of.  Thanks for supporting me in the process of sharing a slice of life with you, and for sharing your insights and wisdom with me.  I feel like I have forged new friendships and strengthened old ones.  However, I have come to realize that blogging is just an evil waste of time that could be better spent paying attention to my kids.  My work here is done.

Plus, we are moving to Pittsburgh on April 1st.  :)