Worry

At my friends' shower, Sarah gave us each a Guatemalan worry doll.  We had been talking about which of us were the worriers, who stays up at night.  I'm not a worrier by nature.  There are tons of things I never worry about, like what people might think of my unmatched socks and what we'll do in case of an earthquake.  I'm a que sera sera person.  For as much as I love to plan everything, I don't fret, especially about things I can't control.  Maybe planning is my defense against worrying.  Who knows?

There is a different type of worry than the brain-churning what-ifs, though, that every mother's brain has to process.  It's working through the information of any given circumstance and finding a solution that feels right for your child.  It's not bad worry; it's good, productive worrying, but it still takes up mental energy.  My worry doll has had to hear a lot about Xanthe this week.  Her report card says "she is falling further and further behind" in math and reading.  Poor little girl, she is so eager to learn and so proud of herself when she does homework.  She is very conscientious and careful.  She just has a really hard time retaining information for the next time she sees it, even if the next time is ten seconds later.  She goes over to Coco's house for one-on-one tutoring time and reads with me every day.  She is making progress, slowly but surely.  It's frustrating, though, because a concept that was there yesterday might be gone today, seemingly depending on Xanthe's stress level. 

And she puts a LOT of stress on herself!  Today I gave her a water bottle in her lunch with a little lemonade packet to put in it.  She said, "What if I spill it when I'm putting it in?"  One more thing to worry about at lunchtime!  Same thing with homework.  The minute she thinks she might make a mistake, she completely shuts down.  It is so hard to learn with such an elevated level of anxiety.  I have learned to go at a slower pace, waiting for things to compute.  Her eyesight is a factor, but also an excuse.  If she doesn't know something, she holds the paper right next to her face as if she is trying to see it better.  She's not.  She's just shut down and in panic mode.  She is just wound SO tightly.

I would love to work through this phase and get Xanthe back on track at school.  Her teacher suggested some testing and we told her to go ahead with whatever resources are available.  Every minute we spend patiently working with her adds up, and she will succeed.  I'm not sure how to help her stop worrying, though.  My Guatemalan worry doll might have to have a sleepover under Xanthe's pillow and explain to her that everything will be OK.  Even if she spills her lemonade.

Year of the Dragon

 Happy New Year!  The Year of the Dragon started out with making pot stickers.  Ruby planned to make them for extra credit in Chinese, and soon everyone was rolling dumplings and egg rolls.  Even Xanthe was pretty good at it.  I fried Ruby's school batch up this morning and took them to her class, where a dumpling party was just starting.  Her teacher is from China and is fabulous. 

I'm afraid Ruby is the only one who will get to party today.  I was so tired by the time I got home from that one little thing that I let Ptolemy have two cheese sticks and a big chunk of ice he found on the driveway for lunch.  I can't wait to get this little dragon here!  I'm a little nervous, though;  her sign is  "the mightiest of the signs."  One description says, "Dragons symbolize such character traits as dominance and ambition. Dragons prefer to live by their own rules and if left on their own, are usually successful. They’re driven, unafraid of challenges, and willing to take risks. They’re passionate in all they do and they do things in grand fashion."  Tziporah sounds feisty!  Why isn't there a baby lamb sign?  Or a sleepy kitten sign?  We're in for an exciting ride with this baby girl!

Winter Recital

Scott's job:  refreshments.  He came home with cookies and discount Christmas suckers.  The weather was perfect for holiday suckers!

Scott and Chris.  From the DHS tennis team to this...sitting through recitals while wondering why their wives make them do these things.

Phebe and her Twinkle Trophy

 Our amazing accompanist, Jennifer and her daughter Elise, who is a student of Ruby's.

Winter came yesterday just in time for my violin recital.  The driving rain turned to big, wet flakes just in time to make me nervous about people braving the icy roads to get to the recital.  Everyone made it safely, though, and the snow-laden trees outside the windows were a gorgeous backdrop for a brief recital.  Freestone played Gavotte and did a good job.  He's trying to get ready for Book One graduation next week.  Today, he has a goal of playing his song 20 times.  If he does, he gets to buy a Skylander figure.  The older girls asked why Freestone gets a reward for practicing.  I told them, "Ask and ye shall receive.  He had a plan."  Whatever motivates him!

Golda and Ruby's students played at the recital, too.  Teaching is such a great opportunity for them.  I'm proud of them for doing a good job of it.  Ruby's little Phebe earned her Twinkle trophy.  She was great on those variations!

Now that the recital is over, we're one step closer to being ready for the baby!

Why I Was Driving Around With Carlos Boozer in My Car

So I was driving kids around town on Friday afternoon when the vice principal from the elementary school called.  Our conversation:

V.P.:  "Mrs. Dopp, there's a dog here and somebody thought it might be yours."

Me, pulling over and getting ready to turn around to get Star:  "Is it a little Schnauzer?"

V.P.:  "No, it's a big Rottweiler."

Me, turning the car around again:  "Oh, OK.  Is he super nice?"

V.P:  "Nicest dog I've ever met."

Me:  "Then I know whose dog he is.  I'll call you when I get home and give you their phone number...or something.  I can't remember their name, but their dog has visited us before."

I texted myself before I started driving again to remind myself to get the phone number of the...uh...someone family, the owners of the dog my kids call Cujo, who really is the nicest dog you've ever met, even though he looks absolutely terrifying.

But something happened in my foggy brain that made me think it would be easier to just go to the school, get the dog, put it in my car and take it to its home.  Easier than going inside my house to get the ward directory and calling the school.  A few minutes later, I was being dragged along by a 150-pound Rottweiler with a jump rope tied around his neck.  Yes, the thought did occur to me that it wasn't a good idea, and probably more complicated than retrieving a piece of paper from my kitchen cupboard.

Cujo willingly got in my car and made himself comfortable on the back seat, on top of a spilled Crayola 64-pack.  I bet he broke almost all 64 crayons with one paw step.  I said to Ruby, "What happened to "Other people's problems are not my problems?"  I was doing so well not taking on things I didn't want to take on!  With my new mantra, I was becoming pleasantly and comfortably selfish and loving it.  Talk about falling off the wagon.  Now I was driving around with a giant, allergy-inducing drool machine in my back seat, and I slowly realized that I didn't actually know where the owners lived.  I just thought I did.  My only course of action was to drive to the house where the dog family doesn't live and say, "Hi.  I have a Rottweiler in my car who doesn't live here, but I thought he did, so, um, do you know the people I was thinking of?"  Which is exactly what I did, and it worked, thank heavens.

I finally got the dog to the right owner, who happened to be standing in his front yard wondering where his dog went.  As I drove away, I said, "By the way, we always call your dog Cujo.  What's his real name?"

"Boozer.  Carlos Boozer."

Sorry, Jazz fans. 

To Life, To Life, L'Chaim!

Thanks to my Women's Shelter friends for a beautiful shower for Tziporah.  Thanks to Sarah for hosting and making everything so beautiful.  And thanks for all the incredibly generous gifts.  The greatest gift is your friendship, whether it started at pre-ballet or grade school or when we became family.  I love you all!

 Our family.  Tiffany is such a talented artist.  Scott put the family under a glass cake dome on a platter.  It's darling; I'll have to take pictures. 

 Is that the most adorable little outfit you've ever seen?  Michelle made it to coordinate with the colorful blanket.  Colors make me happy!

Doggie bag for Scott.  You might think a cold plate of food isn't enough to honor Scott's part in getting Tizzy here.  But the salad Sarah made, and the home made pot pie, and Michelle's strawberry cupcake...it's a plate of heaven.  Scott loved it!  And just a related note on Sarah's cooking.  This will tell you how good it is.  When we told Golda and Ruby I was expecting Tziporah, one of the first things Ruby said was, "When she's born, Sarah will bring us dinner!"  Another time when I hosted something, Ruby texted me, "If Sarah brings anything, save some for me!"  Yes, Sarah's cooking has fans.  Did I have this baby so that my friends would celebrate with me in their fabulous way?  Maybe.  :)  But have you seen how these women celebrate life??  I want to be just like them when I grow up, and I hope Tziporah is too!

Snowflake Bentley

Free educated the whole family on snowflake photography

I love this kid!

This is Freestone's biography report on Wilson Bentley, or Snowflake Bentley, as he was known.  I absolutely love the portrait of the man that Freestone drew.  Do you see the camera Snowflake Bentley used to take pictures of snowflakes?  Now if you look closely, you can see the guy's arm reaching for the camera.  That's the portrait of Mr. Bentley.  Freestone thinks it's very funny.  But wait!  It gets funnier.  At the bottom of the page, he wrote "lift up."  So if you turn the page, there is a real picture of Snowflake Bentley.  If that's not top quality humor, I don't know what is.  Furthermore, Freestone was unable to color the picture like he was supposed to because, "Mom, it's a black and white picture."  He did color the snow with a white crayon.  I thought that was a nice concession to the establishment from our avant garde 3rd grader.  I'm sure he doesn't care one bit about the score.  I have a feeling his teacher will be able to see enough Freestone in it to know what he was going for, though.  She knows "funny" is his language.  F for funny?  I hope not!  Whatever the grade, Free learned everything there is to know about Snowflake Bentley and had a great time doing it, so if you want to know about snowflakes or how to capture them on film, call Snowflake Freestone!

Tizzy's First Photo Shoot

I just had to document this pregnancy.  I've always wanted to do those really artsy shots of the pregnant belly, but I never have.  The last thing most women want to do when they're 9 months pregnant is bare all.  There is a local photog who does great pregnant belly shots, but it's a thousand bucks!  For a thousand bucks, there had better be some serious photoshopping going on.  I decided to go a better route and hire Lexie Faith Photography.  Her photo shoot is $10.00 and it includes a disk of edited pictures.  She is very talented, fun, professional and prompt, too.

I'm a little giddy about how the pictures turned out.  I love the colors and Lexie's creativity.  Of course, I have to overlook, well, how I look.  This is as good as it gets for me at 36 weeks.  I'm just grateful about what's going on behind that warm, fuzzy scarf!  Tizzy is preparing for her real debut and I can't wait for opening night!! 

Honoring the Red Thread

 Yao Yao and Tolly

 Emi above and Denise and Emma below

 New Year money! Xanthe

 Araceli

 Claire and Kate

 Kate, Hazel, Emma, Yao Yao, Faith, Xanthe, Claire, Emi and Jade

 The kids all look so cute and color-coordinated together!  It makes sense;  Chinese New Year colors are red and gold and the official little princess color is pink.  There you go!  We had a fun lunch with lots of good food and even more good catching up.  The group changes as new people find us and old friends come and go, but it's always a good group, bound by the "red thread" connection.

The idea of the red thread is that you and all the people you are tied to in this life are connected by an invisible red thread.  The thread may stretch and tangle, but will never break.  You will find each other.  All the parents at our party felt the pull of the red thread on the journey to our children, both adopted and biological.  It's that "someone is missing" feeling.  I think of it as a connection to Heavenly Father's plan for our family.  Families are forever, so it makes perfect sense that parents would feel a "red thread" pull toward gathering their family around them.  The red thread is a quiet whisper, but it's powerful enough that somehow, all the beautiful kids on the couch - and the one about to be born - found their destiny.  We're so grateful!  For some of my dear friends, there may yet be red threads stretching from your heart to places yet unknown.  We shall see...

Navigating Jr. High: Grades

Second term ended this week.  It always gets intense that last week, getting assignments turned in and taking tests, trying to inch grades up and do the best you can.  It's been a learning curve for me figuring out how much to be invested in the girls' grades and how much to stay out of it.  What I've come up with is to be involved as far as checking grades online often and discussing them with the girls, but trying to divest myself from the angst of the battle.

We expect straight A's, but sometimes after all you can do, it doesn't happen.  So at the end of the term, I have to accept the offering, whatever it was.  Along the way, though, it's a different story.  I haven't figured out quite what to do about a bad grade.  I took Golda's phone away this term when a bad test score dropped her geometry grade way below acceptable.  The next day, my friend Michelle wanted to give Golda a ride home from a concert, but we couldn't reach her.  I had to drive down and get her.  Ironic, huh?  We gave the phone back right away, and the grade went up anyway.  For some kids, a parent's disapproval is enough of a punishment.

Here's what I've learned so far in junior high, to go along with the Tiger Cub's Harvard study tips:

1.  Stay on top of grades.  I check the computer before I pick up the girls after school so that we can talk about missing assignments, etc. in the car on the way home.  (Another reason I love not carpooling!)

2.  If there is a discrepancy or a problem with a grade or assignment, the teacher would rather deal with the student than the parent.  I have learned not to email the teacher, but to have Golda or Ruby do it.  It's less confrontational.

3.  I have the girls email their teacher through my email account so I can see the exchange.  I have talked to them about always staying positive and opening with, "Thank you for..," ending with "I love your class..." and including things like, "It's probably my fault..."  They have gotten good responses from their teachers by being polite.

4.  There was in "incident" at school with a teacher and I blazed down to the counselor's office immediately, tearfully demanding a class change.  (Blame it on hormones.)  Later, Golda worked it all out with the teacher and I looked like an irrational, crazy person.  You have to know when you're backing up your kid and when you're making a fool of yourself.  In jr. high, kids have to learn to navigate without you, and they will.  But don't let them blame the teacher.  Life is not fair, some teachers are bad, some things don't make sense.  That will never change, so learn to deal with it now so you don't spend your life placing blame on someone else when things don't go your way.

5.  Always do all the extra credit you can, whether you think you need it or not.

6.  It never hurts to ask for credit, as long as you're polite.  Golda was getting a B in science the last day of the term because she was absent for three worksheets and didn't follow up.  She emailed the teacher and said she loved his class and wanted to do everything she could to get an A.  He said she could drop off the worksheets on teacher prep day as teachers were doing grades and maybe it would help.  I drove her to the school, she taped the worksheets to the teacher's door and her grade went to 99%.  Good example of a teacher basically saying, "What the heck.  Give her the credit."  It made a huge difference for her permanent GPA.

Those are my ideas.  They might be wrong, and I can always use more ideas.  How do YOU help your jr. high/high school kids develop good study habits and get good grades?  What do we need to be prepared for in high school?  My mom, the former sophomore Honors English teacher, says it gets a lot harder once you hit high school.  

Chinese New Year Lunch...You're Invited!

Hey, we're having a Chinese New Year get-together at my house Monday, January 16th.  11:00 - 1:00.  Bring something to share if you'd like.  I'm bringing Panda chow mein.  Sweet and sour chicken variations always seem to be the biggest hit, if I remember correctly.  At any rate, the food isn't important.  We'll just have a good time catching up and seeing how our babies have grown!

Everyone is invited, including brothers and sisters and people you know who might be interested.  Gung hay fat choy!