At my friends' shower, Sarah gave us each a Guatemalan worry doll. We had been talking about which of us were the worriers, who stays up at night. I'm not a worrier by nature. There are tons of things I never worry about, like what people might think of my unmatched socks and what we'll do in case of an earthquake. I'm a que sera sera person. For as much as I love to plan everything, I don't fret, especially about things I can't control. Maybe planning is my defense against worrying. Who knows?
There is a different type of worry than the brain-churning what-ifs, though, that every mother's brain has to process. It's working through the information of any given circumstance and finding a solution that feels right for your child. It's not bad worry; it's good, productive worrying, but it still takes up mental energy. My worry doll has had to hear a lot about Xanthe this week. Her report card says "she is falling further and further behind" in math and reading. Poor little girl, she is so eager to learn and so proud of herself when she does homework. She is very conscientious and careful. She just has a really hard time retaining information for the next time she sees it, even if the next time is ten seconds later. She goes over to Coco's house for one-on-one tutoring time and reads with me every day. She is making progress, slowly but surely. It's frustrating, though, because a concept that was there yesterday might be gone today, seemingly depending on Xanthe's stress level.
And she puts a LOT of stress on herself! Today I gave her a water bottle in her lunch with a little lemonade packet to put in it. She said, "What if I spill it when I'm putting it in?" One more thing to worry about at lunchtime! Same thing with homework. The minute she thinks she might make a mistake, she completely shuts down. It is so hard to learn with such an elevated level of anxiety. I have learned to go at a slower pace, waiting for things to compute. Her eyesight is a factor, but also an excuse. If she doesn't know something, she holds the paper right next to her face as if she is trying to see it better. She's not. She's just shut down and in panic mode. She is just wound SO tightly.
I would love to work through this phase and get Xanthe back on track at school. Her teacher suggested some testing and we told her to go ahead with whatever resources are available. Every minute we spend patiently working with her adds up, and she will succeed. I'm not sure how to help her stop worrying, though. My Guatemalan worry doll might have to have a sleepover under Xanthe's pillow and explain to her that everything will be OK. Even if she spills her lemonade.
9 comments:
Poor little lovey. It's tough when anxiety is heightened to such an extent. Praying you'll find tools that will help your sweet Xanthe.
Thomas suffers from severe anxiety, and we utilized the resources at The Children's Center in Salt Lake. They work with preschool age children and younger, but they can direct you to other resources. Their counsel has helped us tremendously as we help Thomas. Good luck!
Oh that sweet kid! She is so lucky she has such dedicated parents. I think half the battle is that you have a great handle on how that kid ticks. I think the worry doll should definitly go into her protective custody!
I'll say a little prayer for Xanthe. I do have some worriers at my house and we go through scenarios. What if you do spill? Just call me and I will bring you clothes. We go through the scenario until the child feels comfortable with the resolution of the problem. One of my children is in special ed. It has been a really positive experience for this child. We also have a private tutor helping. Good luck. It's so hard to see a child struggling.
Xanthe is a strong little girl though! Emi has high anxiety as well. She can't stop fixating on fire. We say a prayer many times day and night to help ease her worries but we hear about then over and over as well. Best wishes for Xanthe!!
One of my children shows anxiety as well. Like Homestead's comments, I found that going through scenarios ahead of time really helps.
I think that anxiety is really linked to control, or rather, the perceived lack of it. To balance all the unknowns in my child's life, for which he was anxious, I tried to give him plenty of control in other areas. (But of course it's only in retrospect that I can analyze it like this; in the moment I was just pulling out my hair and coping!) Yet I do remember that praying for him helped me to understand what to do.
Think of it this way: I'm sure that Xanthe's ability, at so young an age, to think of contingency after contingency must reflect the workings of a highly talented mind. Most kids don't see cause and effect, let alone anticipate it. With such devoted parents she will go far!
Drawing from Ruby's recent Nutcracker experience, I loved how G and A came up with "it could have been worse" stories. Would Xanthe relax and smile, if you used humor to anticipate all the tall tales that might result if she were to spill?
The Children's Center comment is a great idea. Because for some reason or another, our issues were never a good fit for the center when I looked into them. But... I've heard great things about them.
Good luck on the testing. I hope they are able to identify the issues and formulate a plan of action. If there is one thing I've learned, you need to be the advocate and keeping asking for the squeaky wheel to get the grease. Luckily it sounds like X's teachers are also anxious to find a solution and are right there with you.
Maybe a follow up appt at PCMC for the eye would be good - just to make sure nothing has changed. Maybe there is something "new" they can try - either that or having them talk to X about how life can go on using her good eye. Sometimes hearing it from someone besides mom holds more weight.
Yay for Coco. Everyone needs a Coco. Does she hire out? :) Who could ask for a better tutor than a retired Honors English teacher? :)
Good luck! I know it is frustrating to try and know what to do. It seems I've lived that emotion more than I would like to as of late. I also know the power of prayer is real. Time and time again I've had experiences with J and Col where I don't know what to do. Through prayer, slowly but surely the answer has been laid before me. I've had to move and act and keep trying, but slowly things have seemed to work out. Other times, I feel like I'm back to square one. But... I also know with more prayer and thought, the new course is plotted before me. I hope it will be the same for you with X. We love you all so much!
I have a kid like that. She'd learn her math facts, spelling, etc. etc. and FORGET the next day. Then I had her tested for $6000 and she was diagnosed with ADHD. Which is it's special form of hell but when she takes her meds (I mean I give them to her!) she's not too distracted to remember stuff! She totally memorized her 6's tonight and she'll maybe remember them tomorrow! The testing is worth it. A diagnosis (or guess) is a start. Also, she worries a lot- like the house burning down or strangers coming in-. Which I don't get because I worry about very little too. Maybe she needs worry dolls.
I reallly really like your blog Circe! Just too lazy to comment.
Good luck with little Xanthe. There is nothing worse than worrying about one of your kids. When I have concerns about one of my kids my mom says, "they will grow up to be just fine!" It always makes me feel better.
Post a Comment