I made everybody nauseous with my descriptions of morning sickness! Sorry! Let's see if I can make you apathetic and crazy with my descriptions of being...apathetic and crazy. I'll just demonstrate how things are going here through conversation.
Dentist: Hey, buddy! You're in your swimsuit. Have you been swimming?
Freestone: No.
Dentist: Are you going swimming?
Freestone: No.
Dentist: OKaaay. So. Where are your shoes?
Freestone: I dunno.
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Me: It's time for the kids to practice.
Myself: But they're all quiet, watching Design Star.
Me: They've already seen it and practicing will be so much harder later.
Myself: But if I don't bother them, I can rest. And eat ice cream!
Me: You'll feel even worse later if nobody gets their practicing done.
Myself: I know. I don't think I care, though.
Me: If everyone practices, you can go get an Oreo shake at Arctic Circle.
Myself: Fine. But it's not like it's going to make a difference. The kids are all hacks. If Ari plays ONE MORE F-natural in G Major, I'm going to smash her cello with a hammer.
Me. Maybe just let them watch Design Star.
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Scott: Where is the stroller?
Me: Gee, Scott, I DON'T KNOW! Why don't you stop asking me that? You don't listen! You've asked me that same question every ten minutes for the last hour! It's in the garage, right where I told you the first five times! You're such a jerk! You think you're so cool for buying the kids' school clothes. And while you have a cold, too! Ooo, good job on school shopping with a runny nose! Wow! Great! CAN YOU GROW A HUMAN? NO. So just find the stroller yourself!!
Hormones are real, dude.
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And, due to other episodes, I can never go back to Bowman's Pharmacy, Gordon's Copy and Print or the Gateway fountain. Based on the evidence, you might not want to have a conversation with me for awhile. At least until my kids find their shoes. Like I said, it could be awhile. DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT!?!
Dentist: Hey, buddy! You're in your swimsuit. Have you been swimming?
Freestone: No.
Dentist: Are you going swimming?
Freestone: No.
Dentist: OKaaay. So. Where are your shoes?
Freestone: I dunno.
**********************************************
Me: It's time for the kids to practice.
Myself: But they're all quiet, watching Design Star.
Me: They've already seen it and practicing will be so much harder later.
Myself: But if I don't bother them, I can rest. And eat ice cream!
Me: You'll feel even worse later if nobody gets their practicing done.
Myself: I know. I don't think I care, though.
Me: If everyone practices, you can go get an Oreo shake at Arctic Circle.
Myself: Fine. But it's not like it's going to make a difference. The kids are all hacks. If Ari plays ONE MORE F-natural in G Major, I'm going to smash her cello with a hammer.
Me. Maybe just let them watch Design Star.
***********************************************
Scott: Where is the stroller?
Me: Gee, Scott, I DON'T KNOW! Why don't you stop asking me that? You don't listen! You've asked me that same question every ten minutes for the last hour! It's in the garage, right where I told you the first five times! You're such a jerk! You think you're so cool for buying the kids' school clothes. And while you have a cold, too! Ooo, good job on school shopping with a runny nose! Wow! Great! CAN YOU GROW A HUMAN? NO. So just find the stroller yourself!!
Hormones are real, dude.
***********************************************
And, due to other episodes, I can never go back to Bowman's Pharmacy, Gordon's Copy and Print or the Gateway fountain. Based on the evidence, you might not want to have a conversation with me for awhile. At least until my kids find their shoes. Like I said, it could be awhile. DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT!?!
12 comments:
I say rather than smash Ari's cello, hollow it out and add wheels. Voila. A stroller.
That you can laugh at yourself shows your head is on right. By the way, the Bowman's pharmacy is the setting for one of my worst parenting moments ever. I'll tell you about it sometime.
Hang in there!
LOL!!! You're a hormonal hoot! :o)
I dare you to comment!
Scott
Okay Scott and Circ - I'm laughing. I'm not sure whether to invite Scott to come sleep up here, bring you a week's supply of Yogo Togo, or maybe both. :)
Hang in there... this will pass right? Hopefully sometime soon and not 7 months from now. :)
Hee Hee... all true, very true.
While all these convos are priceless, the one with Scott is by FAR my favorite. By far. :)
Two more weeks right? Hang in there both of you! Oh and only two more weeks until Women's shelter resumes and that should provide safe conversation. Or at least a good place to vent!
You are so funny! I didn't even do what you've done this summer the summer I was pregnant with my twins. The kids had a hard time getting back on schedule when I felt better and it took awhile to get the house cleaned up, but it was worth it. Pregnancy is no joke-- you are doing GREAT!! Thanks for sharing and making me laugh!
LOL! I know. I feel so bad for everyone who has to look at me with my constant grouchy face and moaning- let alone those who have to live with me! This too shall pass-right?
I feel like that and I'm not even pregnant. If you smash Ari's cello, at least you can fix it!
I am laughing so hard....my fav was smashing the kids instrament with a hammer!
I too have been that way lately. My hubby finally told me to chill out. My moods are for other hormonal reasons tho'.
No shoes work great at my house. :)
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