A Bail of Hay

My grandfather, Opa, once bought a horse.   As the story goes, it was a bit of am impulsive purchase.  Opa was so much fun, so clever and exciting.  I wasn't on the scene yet when he bought the horse.  My mom says Opa came home with a horse and a bail of hay and put both of them in the field next to the house.  Brushing off his hands, Opa said, "There.  That bail of hay oughtta last all summer."

The next morning, the bail of hay had been entirely consumed by the horse.  Opa sold the poor animal straightaway.  Who could afford a bail of hay per day?

The reason I bring this up is that I just spent a hundred bucks at Sam's Club buying supplies for the summer, and I just know every last granola bar, every peanut and every cracker crumb will be gone in two days.  Except for the peanuts and cracker crumbs that will forever be part of the layers of sediment in my car, of course.  Already, two hours after Sam's Club, Ptolemy has magnanimously handed out half of the peanut butter and cheese crackers to strangers at the park, and Tziporah has figured out a very efficient method of opening the crackers and smearing the peanut butter all over my pants before mashing the cracker part into the ground and then licking it up.  She does it swiftly and dextrously, making me believe she has a possible future as a ninja.

If she does, I might perhaps train her to steal snack items from big-box stores, sliding down from the rafters on silken ropes to lift life-sustaining juice boxes and trail mix for the hoards of children I must feed for the next 12 weeks.  I'm going to have to start her training right after nap time, because Ptolemy has already had three Fiber One bars for lunch and I've used most of the other snacks for teacher gifts.  Yes, I know Teacher Appreciation Week ended May 28.  I just choose my own time to appreciate our teachers.  It has nothing to do with me being behind the eight ball.  In fact, I have accomplished so much today, I think I might sit down and have a bag of Cheetos.