You're Grounded

Ptolemy used this week to learn how to levitate.  Me, I began the week clutching an eleven-dollar parking pass and sobbing, and I ended the week how you never want to end your week:  by saying to two other moms at preschool orientation, "Ohhhhhh, so you're not...I thought..."  Lesbians.  They're not.  It's a...long story.

In between Mental Breakdown Monday and Faux Pas Thursday, I raved about carpools being undependable (forgetting it was MY turn to drive), got in a fight with the counselor at Ruby's school, yelled at a nurse from Tanner Clinic, threatened my Relief Society president, booked and cancelled a trip to California, alienated Ari's 6th grade teacher at Back-to-School night by asking if they really had to do their homework, called one of my own children a "pompous @*$," and burst into tears in public while eating a half-price shake.

As you can imagine, there's a backstory behind each one of my blunders, indiscretions and tantrums.

I dare you to stop by and ask me about them.

But seriously.  That first week of school was brutal!  For everyone around me!  I think I was having anger management problems, the way a wild horse has anger management problems when a cowboy tries to break her in.  The cowboy in this scenario is the school year, and it looks like the cowboy has finally lassoed me into submission.  And just to make sure I don't make a break for the open range, I have scheduled foot surgery for tomorrow.  A fittingly outlandish way to wrap up a rather bizarre week, me with my pinkie toe being sliced open.  I'm looking forward to the surgery.  I need to lie down for a minute anyway, and I may as well do it while someone is fixing my Tailor's Bunionette.

You can't make this stuff up.  Like I said, a bizarre week.  You know what, though?  I secretly liked it.  This week was just the slap in the face (and the pain in the foot) that I needed to bring me back to reality.  Ptolemy may be free to levitate, but I'm ready to stay grounded.  And tomorrow I'll have the stitches in my foot to prove it.