I was planning on taking four of my daughters to the Womens General Broadcast last night at our church. Then Freestone got invited to go to the Utah football game with Scott and some uncles and cousins, and I lost my babysitter. It was OK. Staying home and watching it was very appealing anyway. I couldn't bear the thought of leaving the little kids for one more thing, and it was rainy and cozy inside, with the kids doing their projects and hunkering down. Araceli and Ellison made us a batch of Emily's chocolate mousse and I cooked up some tacos for dinner. We all snuggled up to watch the broadcast by candlelight in our nice, warm socks, and I didn't have to leave Ptolemy and Tziporah.
Of course, that was the other side of the coin. Had I been at the church, I wouldn't have had to help Tziporah get ready for bed and go to the bathroom. Actually, I didn't help her, and she peed all over the floor in the bathroom. Then she came and got me to show me. With wide eyes, she did an exaggerated shrugging motion and exclaimed, "I don't know who DID this!"
I gave her a squeeze and said, "It was you, Tziporah."
She said innocently, "Huh!" Our little comic.
By the time President Uchtdorf gave his remarks, Tziporah was sound asleep and I was ready to absorb the message. I can always count on President Uchtdorf saying something uplifting and inspiring, something that resonates with love and hope. I loved his message that "God loves you now. He is not waiting to love you until you overcome your weaknesses and bad habits." I know that. I depend on that. I cling to that. That is the core of my testimony. I needed to hear that message to remind me that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is solely based in love, and not concerned with the extraneous things that take turns coming to the forefront of our daily strivings. For me, I have to keep things very simple. I have my doubts, I have my resentments, I have my concerns, and of course I have my weaknesses. Yet always, if I zero in on the love that God is, and the beauty and simplicity of that message, I find my place in the church and I know I am where I belong. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is my heritage, and I claim it without waiting to be perfect because I know that it is my path.
At the same time, I wholeheartedly understand that for me, my mission is not to convert or even to proclaim. I know, part of the Gospel is to share it. Ironically, I can only share my love for God and Jesus Christ through my genuine, unqualified acceptance of the beliefs of others. That's my truth, however incomplete and simplistic it is. It's all I can be. I will never be "enough" of a Mormon for some, but I am "enough" for me, for now, and I am "enough" for my Father in Heaven. Maybe someday I'll feel differently about the details, and I know for certain that I will love it when/if my children serve missions. I'll be 100% on their side as they spread the message of the Gospel. It expands my heart to think that there are people yearning for a connection with the divine, and that the Gospel provides that. But then there are those hearts who choose other paths, and I have this deep, inexplicable connection to them. Maybe we all have different gifts of the spirit, different callings. We could analyze that for days, but for today...these few thoughts are enough.
Of course, that was the other side of the coin. Had I been at the church, I wouldn't have had to help Tziporah get ready for bed and go to the bathroom. Actually, I didn't help her, and she peed all over the floor in the bathroom. Then she came and got me to show me. With wide eyes, she did an exaggerated shrugging motion and exclaimed, "I don't know who DID this!"
I gave her a squeeze and said, "It was you, Tziporah."
She said innocently, "Huh!" Our little comic.
By the time President Uchtdorf gave his remarks, Tziporah was sound asleep and I was ready to absorb the message. I can always count on President Uchtdorf saying something uplifting and inspiring, something that resonates with love and hope. I loved his message that "God loves you now. He is not waiting to love you until you overcome your weaknesses and bad habits." I know that. I depend on that. I cling to that. That is the core of my testimony. I needed to hear that message to remind me that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is solely based in love, and not concerned with the extraneous things that take turns coming to the forefront of our daily strivings. For me, I have to keep things very simple. I have my doubts, I have my resentments, I have my concerns, and of course I have my weaknesses. Yet always, if I zero in on the love that God is, and the beauty and simplicity of that message, I find my place in the church and I know I am where I belong. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is my heritage, and I claim it without waiting to be perfect because I know that it is my path.
At the same time, I wholeheartedly understand that for me, my mission is not to convert or even to proclaim. I know, part of the Gospel is to share it. Ironically, I can only share my love for God and Jesus Christ through my genuine, unqualified acceptance of the beliefs of others. That's my truth, however incomplete and simplistic it is. It's all I can be. I will never be "enough" of a Mormon for some, but I am "enough" for me, for now, and I am "enough" for my Father in Heaven. Maybe someday I'll feel differently about the details, and I know for certain that I will love it when/if my children serve missions. I'll be 100% on their side as they spread the message of the Gospel. It expands my heart to think that there are people yearning for a connection with the divine, and that the Gospel provides that. But then there are those hearts who choose other paths, and I have this deep, inexplicable connection to them. Maybe we all have different gifts of the spirit, different callings. We could analyze that for days, but for today...these few thoughts are enough.
2 comments:
Nice post!
I enjoy your writing so much. At the end of every post I think, "gosh, she says everything in the most perfect way." I love what you said about being "mormon enough". I totally get that. I left the church a few years ago but sometimes want to go back with a different approach and your post makes me think it could be possible. Thank you for continuing to blog and for sharing your life so openly.
-Bethany (i commented once before about how I was in Crestwood ward as a teen and your mom was my Honors English teacher.... just so you think I'm not a complete stalker)
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