The Better Part

Each stage of parenting comes with its own challenges.  Never mind that we're currently in ALL the stages.  I have long since reconciled diapers, messy eaters, naptimes, first grade.  Piece of cake.  The most stressful by far right now is the older girls' challenge of "choosing the better part."  Essentially, they have reached the point where there are often two mandatory and important things happening at the same time.  Nobody mentioned that the better part would encompass SO much!  I have always been adamant about never missing a dance class, rarely rescheduling a music lesson and always getting homework and practicing done, even if your arm is broken, like Ruby's was a few years ago.  It used to be so simple.  Just limit your activities to the most vital and show up where you said you would.

Like everything in adolescence, it's not so easy anymore.  It's gotten so I feel like the Minotaur in the labyrinth.  How do I navigate?  The fact that there are always three, four or five kids going different places at all times doesn't even phase us anymore.  We can always finagle rides and scheduling that way with some elaborate planning, and I happen to love the planning.  It's when Golda has a band concert that is 90% of her grade and it's during a mandatory dress rehearsal.  Or that she had to turn down both a part in her school's dinner theater and an invitation to be in the district honor band because of Nutcracker.  Those were easy choices because dance comes first, but still disappointing.  Or when Ruby has a guitar ensemble class that means she'll have to miss part of her best friend's birthday party.  Everyone is counting on her to play her part at the class, but it's hard to feel like you're doing the right thing when your child is brokenhearted.  And it's not as if any of these things are frivolous.  It's always something meaningful vs. something mandatory, and sometimes it's both.  I want the kids to focus on what's most important, but I don't want them to specialize at the expense of a healthy childhood.  Grades, dance, music and church are vitally important to them in their lives right now and they all demand attention.  There is no point in doing anything if you can't do it well, so life is pretty intense for young people figuring out who they are while balancing the demands of their parents, teachers and friends.  Golda's wonderful friends wanted her to play church volleyball last week, and I had to remind her that, on her list of priorities, volleyball wasn't even last.  It didn't rank.  Still, it's hard to disappoint friends.

I've been through a real struggle analyzing how much to ask of my jr. high girls.   In the end, Scott and I chose to stay pretty demanding.  We will keep the pressure on.  Our expectations won't diminish because life is more complicated.  I decided with Golda that 9th grade is not at the pinnacle of life's learning curve.  It's not going to get easier in high school and beyond, so now is the time to stretch, grow and become more capable.  I know my girls love what they do in dance, music and school.  They love it.  So as a parent supporting them, as much as it makes me feel like my head might explode, we'll figure out a way to succeed.  If I'm up in the night worrying about scheduling conflicts, it's OK.  Soon I'll have a baby to feed while I'm worrying.  You see, girls?  It's life, and it's beautifully rich.  Embrace it and love it!  All of it!