Nana's Dear, Sweet Jean

Nana's sister-in-law, Jean, died last week.  In explaining who it was to my kids, I said, "It was Nana's baby brother's wife.  It would be like Ptolemy's wife dying."  That thought made me sad every time, but I was even more sad when my mom and I went to Nana's to tell her the news.

Jean has been in the last stages of cancer since Thanksgiving, so we knew this was coming, except that Nana tends to forget things these days.  When Mom said, "Jean died," Nana looked perplexed.  She said, "You mean my friend Jean Madsen?"  Mom said, "No, not Jean Madsen.  Parker's wife Jean." Nana looked even more confused and sat down, declaring, "Well now, that's my dear, sweet Jean!"

By the time Nana had gone to get some money for flowers for the funeral, she had forgotten why.  That's why Nana's declaration about her "dear, sweet Jean" is so touching.  Not only do we take our relationships with us after death, but the love we share with people can be the only thing we retain when our minds fail us.  I love that through Nana's confusion came her love for her sister-in-law, her baby brother's dear wife.  The love broke through loud and clear.  "My dear, sweet Jean."

My mind went to the future.  I laughed and cried, imagining me as a very old woman, hearing the news of one of my dear, sweet sisters-in-law passing away, straining to remember all the things we went through together, and finding in my memory only the fact of our shared love.  Each of my sisters-in-law has brought me something I always longed for:  a sister.  And I love them for that.

Then I fast-forwarded to my children.  I only hope that they share the same love Nana and her siblings embraced and cultivated, and I hope it also extends to their spouses and families, so that on some far distant day, when some of them have gone on and some remain, those who remain will know instinctively that love was spoken and felt between them over the long, hopefully very long, years of their shared lives.  If the Robisons have left a legacy, it is one of love.  Abiding, tender, declared and spoken love for one another, that spans this life and the next, no question.  The thing I want my children to know and live by, is that that kind of love doesn't just happen.  It is cultivated and tended.  So please, do that for each other every day because that love is what you want to end up being made of.