THAT Mom

 Saturday afternoon, we had gobs of free time on our hands.  The only thing on the horizon was Golda's Christmas dance Saturday night.  The kids had come to our house Friday night for their "day date," so Scott and I weren't in the picture for hosting Saturday night.  Scott was out shopping for shoes for Golda, and I took Ptolemy and Tziporah to Dylan's.  We were going to follow it up with a movie, then head up to Park City, but somehow, I ended up driving up the canyon by myself, at Scott's encouragement.  We skipped the movie and the rest of the family stayed home to relax, Mom-free.  Since it looked like we were all too relaxed to practice, I told them they didn't have to.  No sense feeling guilty!

Although...I did have some Mom Guilt over Golda.  She had a plan, which was to wear this beautiful dress.  At the last minute, I suggested going to Dreams of Enchantment and renting or buying something sparkly and festive, something more fun.  She declined, saying she didn't want to spend the money.  I admired her decision, but I also wondered if I was failing her, but also didn't want to be bossy.  THEN, sitting in front of the fire at the Ranch, scrolling through Instagram, I noticed all the girls were wearing corsages and all the guys were wearing boutonnieres.  "Oh my gosh,"  I thought.  "Golda forgot to get Julius a boutonniere!"  I went through this whole hair-shirt thing.  I should have reminded her!  I should have been there when she left in case she needed me.  I could have called Bob the Florist and he would have made me a boutonniere at the last minute!  Turned out, Golda and Julius had wisely decided not to do the corsage thing.  Smart!  It's senseless to spend so much money on these dances.  Again, Golda had a plan, which I wasted my energy second-guessing.

You'll have to look at Golda's blog for pictures of Julius.  I didn't snap any!  He's a super-fun guy, and very nice.

Here's the ugly truth about this dance:  I had reallllllly wanted to host the dinner, and I pestered Golda about it.  A lot.  I begged.  I was shameless.  Somehow or another, the kids ended up planning the dinner at another girl's house.  Then I was sad.  Then I was embarrassed about my shameless begging.  I mean, this is GOLDA'S life!  Was I really THAT mom, the one who can't let go?  Golda has been, since birth, quite an independent person.  And I totally relate.  I am too!  For that reason, maybe I overcompensate with this child?  Let's not analyze it too deeply.  The point is, this whole transition year is hard because it's a new balance.  I was happy and cozy at the Ranch, reading my book.  Golda had it all under control at home.  Everyone else was gleefully not-practicing and enjoying their Saturday night.  Scott was watching sports on his phone.  And I knew that the house would be immaculate when I got home, because that's how Scott likes it.

Should I be worried that nobody needs me!?  Nah...it just means that I've done my job.  Wandering around the Christmas tree lot and Main Street on my own, staring at the Christmas tree all alone, it gave me compassion for lonely people.  When you have seven kids, being alone is like taking a big bite of an expensive chocolate.  It's a luxury.  But only because it's so rare.  I told my kids that when I'm old, I won't be the kind of person who "doesn't want to be a burden to anyone."  I told them, "I want to be a burden!  Take me with you!  Wherever you go, take me with you!"  If you think I'm bad now, geez, wait until I'm 90 and still begging to host the great-grandchildren's Christmas dance dinners!