I should have just not mentioned the eye exam to Xanthe when that stupid paper came home. I could have opted out, of course, but it didn't seem like a big deal until after I had casually explained the eye test to Xanthe and she spent the next five days worrying. I told her she didn't have to do it, but then she had a million questions about that. I told her Aunt Jennie would be giving the exam, and to look for Aunt Jennie. I thought talking her through it would be a good learning experience, but this morning, the day of the exam, she was pacing around repeating, "I can't find Aunt Jennie! I can't find Aunt Jennie!" OK, we need to talk about verb tense, but first let's just talk about TENSE!! As in, Xanthe's whole body was rigid with fear. I called Aunt Jennie's phone so that she could tell Xanthe where to find her, and Jennie told us to come over right then. I immediately drove Xanthe to the school to get the exam done and put us both out of our misery. Xanthe's eyes were darting around hysterically, and Jennie was helping Xanthe "cheat" on the test because Xanthe couldn't see a darn thing, even with her good eye, she was so wound up. She didn't follow the game of holding your hand at the different angles to match the E's on the wall, either. I was feeling pretty feisty and aggressive when the school nurse walked over to me, which is why our conversation went down like it did.
Nurse, leaning toward me, whispers sympathetically, "Oooh, can she not speak English?"
I look at her in the eye and say,
"No, she can. Why?" Then I watch her squirm. I want to see her try to explain to me that she jumped to the conclusion that my daughter didn't speak English because of how she looks. It was unfair of me to put her on the spot, and mean. But you know what? Give yourself a split second to question your assumptions before you say something stupid.
I let the nurse scramble and stammer for a few moments before I jumped in and saved her by explaining how Xanthe is blind in one eye, hence the struggles with the exam. I thought I could shrug off the insensitive comment, but I found myself shaking with rage. Blind with rage, if you will. If you think the nurse's comment was in any way justified, then I can't help you. You live in a different world than I do. In my world, millions of Americans are of Asian descent. And yeah, they speak English.
There are uglier forms of blindness than the kind Xanthe has in her left eye.
8 comments:
So very true! Helen
Keller said, "I would be blind if I did not have vision." Good luck with those comments. You are very good at thinking on your feet. And it is good for all of us to questions our assumptions. I just hope to respond in a way to curious and insensitive comments that won't compromise my children's self esteem.
Oh, you were talking about a good book at the park the other day. Please post:)
Xanth was so cute at the school. I'm so glad I was there so we could get that test out of the way. Not that you needed me - you did great handling the situation. I hope Xanth is feeling better now that it is over. See you soon.
You go girl!!! She is lucky to have you as her mom!!!!
Wow. Good thing I wasn't there or the nurse could have been blind in one eye too.
You know you are a good mama when the claws come out in defense.
This must be the first time this lady has walked out her door in 40 years... that's the only excuse I can come up with.
I was friends with a family that adopted 2 teenage boys from Russia. After over a year of living with the family they still didn't speak English. The mother told me she was so tired of explaining to people why her boys didn't speak English. Maybe you could look at having to explain why Xanthe CAN speak English as a blessing:)
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