What would you do if your child was miserable at school to the point where you had to push her out the door crying every morning? Her calm personality is at odds with the chaotic, out-of-control atmosphere in her classroom, and it is taking a toll. Should she tough it out? Is it as bad as she says? The long days she spends at school seem to be draining the life out of her in a way that has never happened before this year. School should be an exciting place of discovery and growth, not a gaping pit of never-ending despair.
I am so ready to end the misery and home school her for the last semester of the year. I have talked to friends who home school and I know we could do it. But is it the right thing to walk away from this challenge, or is it a good learning experience to get in there where she's not comfortable and fight? I don't know, but I don't want it to be one of those, "Mom, why didn't you stand up for me?" things.
I have my own pros and cons, but I want yours. We need advice, and lots of it, and fast! The semester ends next week.
19 comments:
It depends on which kid it is. If it's little red. I'd probably take her out.
I don't know.... If it is the child I'm thinking of, I don't blame here. I was sitting in the hall correcting papers the other day and heard and saw interaction with the class. It was like nails on a chalkboard. You could try the principal again. Explain that you gave it a fair shot. You now feel the environment is toxic for your daughter and you are strongly considering homeschool if the situation can't be remedied. You know what will be best though. Follow your gut. I think I may be doing the same thing next week with L and a certain foreign language teacher.
Jennie of course said it better.
I home schooled James for 1st grade. It was a great experience. I felt a little stress about keeping up with what other kids his age were learning, but a friend of mine does a computer home schooling course and that would take the guess work out of that aspect. My friends child hated school. She loves the computer courses. I don't think it would be a mistake to pull her out for the rest of the year. Call me if you have any questions.
hummmmm... we're having similar issues with my 6th graders. I looked into homeschooling for the last part of the year also. There's a online public school system that is still taking new students. www.k12.com/utva - I'm all for pulling her out. In my mind it is better for her to feel happy than it is to suffer and deal with that much stress. Even in adult life sometimes the answer to a difficult challenge is to back out of it. Ask her what she thinks...if she wants to stay home and you are willing to let her, then let her make the decision -
I also sent you an email with another link to the k12 online school. Let me know what you decide.
Often I use the analogy of a job when my children dislike having to do certain school assignments. Someday, I tell them, you'll have to do undesirable tasks because your boss wants/needs you to. May as well get used to it, I say. But I always picture that future job, overall, being a good one. It sounds like NOTHING is good about your child's current "job."
Can you learn when you are stressed? I can't.
You said you wonder if the classroom is as bad as she says. Maybe several of us could be moles for you!
I think I would homeschool, too, and tell my child this is to finish up the year, with the plan to give the next grade another shot at the school. That way she'll know you support both her and the school, but that you recognize this year's teacher isn't a good match.
I myself wouldn't use the idea of homeschooling as an ultimatum with the principal, however, because I could just picture him looking over my other kids and saying, "Great! Smaller classes!" Just kidding, but I don't think homeschooling should be a threat. Instead, go over all the positives you've seen at the school, and communicate to the principal that you really want this child to have the same opportunities. But that you are prepared to give them to her another way.
I just thought of something else. As far as questioning whether it's good to walk away from this challenge, or better for her to stick it out, what if she had some ownership in the decision? Like, what if she wrote a letter to the principal (or drew pictures) detailing how she feels. That would speak volumes.
You're a fabulous mother, and I'm certain you'll be guided to the right way to fight for this precious one!
What about a change of teachers? Sometimes a child will just "click" better with a different teacher and her methods. Maybe you could talk to the principal about some arrangement like that. A child in my school is much more successful since he moved classrooms. It can work!
I have ZERO experience, but I say home school. :) Free school! Maybe she can be Chris' first student (besides Cam).
I have had to pull a child from school and homeschool for the last bit of the school year. It was too chaotic and unsupervised for my anxious kindergartener.
This year, we were considering moving Pearl up to 6th grade to be with her age group, but the teacher/classroom situation in 6th actually helped us make the decision: to keep her in 5th grade with an academically strong and CALM teacher. As has been suggested by Jennifer, Pearl was in on the decision making and she had input on how she felt about the move/both classrooms.
In both cases, I made it a matter of prayer. And I know it helped me make the right choice.
Kim
There really should have been a warning before we became parents don'tyou think? This is hard! I am with Tif and Jennie, and everyone else I think. I know you could do it, look how disciplined and organized you are about practising. I would attempt another conversation with the principal too. Maybe you could put it in a context of asking for help, does he have any other ideas before you homeschool? If changing teachers is an option I would go for that. Wm still insists he was ruined by his 3rd grade teacher, I know his mom still feels bad but the class was so bad everyone wanted out. Good luck, I know you will figure it out!
With friend issues, I would say stay, those are just a part of life. BUT if it is issues with teacher, I say go.
That is why we left school and did private. We couldn't take the negative impact on my daughter anymore. I had been to the principle so many times and he wouldn't/couldn't whatever, do anything, so we left for a better environment. I am not the homeschool type, but you are. I am going to homeschool Maylin for kindergarten next year.....I can't drive to Utah county for 1/2 day. But our school has a distance education program on line that is very cheap and great. You get time with the teacher over skype or the phone-these are one on one and you get, of course, on-line classes too. I am taking one now and love it. I hear the grade school programs are good too, so I am going to do it for Maylin. You could check it out too...it is American-Heritage.org. Go to their distance education.
I would do the best thing for your baby. She can't hate school. Good luck!
My good friend homeschools her k'er through Davis District. The District sent her a computer, a printer, all of his school books, including the teacher's manuals, extra-reading books, and oodles of supplies, notebooks, manipulatives, etc. And it was all free. All she has to do is log in each day to certify that they covered so many hours of curriculum. I think for elementary you have to certify like 5 hours of learning each day -but her practicing instruments and dancing can count as PE and Music, so it may be even more flexible and do-able than you think. I can put you in touch with her if you are interested. . . I wouldn't hesitate to take her out, IF she wants to do it. I do think that sometimes staying in a hard situation makes us stronger, but sometimes it breaks us. You (and God) know your daughter best - you will do the right thing. Sandy
i would take the path of least resistance for you & her...
Um yeah, what Jennie (and others) said... :)
Good luck!
Lots of good advice but I just wanted to weigh in as well. I think so differently as a parent than I used to as a teacher. I would do whatever is best for your child, even if that means homeschooling her for now. But I would also try and talk with the principal first and see if a class switch isn't possible. I also liked the idea of having her draw pictures and send a letter. From both teacher and parent perspective I know that there are some teachers and classroom environments that are not healthy. Best of luck with this one. Your daughters (and sons) are all talented and beautiful.
I vote Home School for sure. Not only will it be more bearable for her- but deeper down it shows her that you trust her and believe her about what she says is going on in school. Years down the road you want her to say, "when I was little, I hated --- grade. And my mom pulled me out. It really meant a lot to me." That's just my opinion.
Funny, a fellow teacher just told me today that she pulled her daughter for part of a year and home schooled her. It ended up being great. Her daughter got just what she needed and was able to return the next year and continue the rest of her education in public school.
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