One of the overarching ideas I took was that happiness is a valid pursuit (It's in the Constitution!) and that happiness is a valid frame of mind. In recent years in parenting circles, there seems to have been a trend toward complaining, disguised as "admitting it's hard." I've never felt comfortable with this notion, but it made me feel like if I said I loved my life, I was being dishonest, or if I put a positive spin on things, I was disingenuous. Sometimes we sabotage our own happiness by craving validation over joy. The book mentions the impulse to act downtrodden instead of happy in order to underscore to others that we are working hard. The thought is that if we seem happy, we must be either stupid or lazy or we just don't get it.
I am going to strive to eradicate that way of thinking from my life. There is no reason I can't choose to be happy all the time. I'm basically a happy person at my core, so it's not too much of a stretch for me. That said, I do love sarcasm and snarkiness, and I even love to complain for fun. So I have my battles to fight, but on the opposite side is the fact that I have no trouble at all with gratitude. I'm grateful all the time for the world around me, and that goes a long way toward happiness. In fact, I think it's my ability to recognize how blessed I am that makes me such a happy person, and I'm grateful for that. (See?! I can't help it!)
If the Mormon pioneers could sing, "Why should we mourn or think our lot is hard? 'Tis not so; all is right" as they buried their babies, abandoned their possessions and literally froze to death, what right do I have to be unhappy? Sometimes when I catch myself griping I think, "You think this is hard? What a wimp. You know what would be hard? Raising kids in a covered wagon."
I can't remember where I first heard the notion of a "First World Problem," but I say that to my kids all the time now. It's a problem that wouldn't be a problem if you had more serious problems, so get over it. Many times you'll realize that your current "problem" is a result of privilege. Just now, Tziporah was asleep on my bed and Araceli wanted to give her a good night kiss. I thought, "No! You'll wake her up!" And then I thought, "Who cares? Look at your two beautiful daughters!" I literally took a step back, giving them space, and watched their tender moment. I'm so much happier than if I had chided Ari.
We were all in the car the other day and the kids couldn't decide on what kind of pizza to get. Holy First World Problem! I was frustrated. Then Freestone said something so funny: "Plain cheese pizza is the epic failure of pizza!" Our tension evaporated. I thought about how fortunate we were to be eating. We got pepperoni.
The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. If you read it, get ready for a paradigm shift.
7 comments:
Loved your thoughts on the book. There is so much to think about. We do have so much to be grateful for in life. We really are blessed.
I keep hearing about this Happiness project book you wrote about, i think it sounds something I would like, I think there is a library around here somewhere?! I love to read your blog, I was just telling Zeljko that I feel closer to you when i read your blog. I can totally see your personality pop through in your writing and I am loving it!
Thank you, thank you!!! I totally agree. I think everyone in America should be required to visit a 3rd world country- just to see what the rest of the world lives like! There is a funny web-site, www.whitewhine.com it's a "collection of first-world problems." The guy gets texts or posts of people complaining about their ridiculous "problems" and usually has a funny comment to go with their problem.
I want to read this book as well. You do appear to have a positive attitude whenever I see you so it must work. Emi really had fun today.
You said, "In fact, I think it's my ability to recognize how blessed I am that makes me such a happy person, and I'm grateful for that."
This is a quality I've long admired about you!
I'm looking forward to reading the book. I wonder, are we conditioned to take the apologist route, to acknowledge that things are hard? Not many people can be happy for someone else's happiness, especially if it highlights their own misfortune. For example, it may be hard to rejoice when a friend tells us she got an A on the test we failed. Or being excited for someone's pregnancy after our own miscarriage. So the friend who is happy stops wanting to admit it or broadcast it, for fear of making others feel bad. What do you think?
I should add that it's entirely possible to be happy for another's happiness -- and indeed I think that is a lofty goal we should all pursue. Some of my favorite people show this quality. Yet I've also been sensitive to times when sharing my good fortune with someone else may "rub it in," so to speak.
Freestone is just hilarious! I love it when you share him with us.
Happiness is a choice! I am constantly reminding my girls of that. This is on my "to read" list...
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