Xanthe's Oasis

Xanthe is a mystery to me.  Six years into trying to decode what is going on in her brain, we are more clueless now than ever.  Everything is a grind with Xanthe.  Example:  I say, "Who wants to get a Slurpee!?"  The correct response is, "Me!"  Or "I do!" if your mom is a stickler for correct grammar.  So when I say "Who wants to get a Slurpee," all the kids shout, "I do!" and run to get their shoes and get in the car.

Except Xanthe.  She says, "When?"
Right now!
Where?
7-11.  That's where they have Slurpees.
But can I get a big one?
We always get smalls, remember?
Awww...But Mom.  Dad got us a big one one time.
Do you want to go or not?
Yes but can I get another one tomorrow?
We're just talking about today.
But what if they don't have the kind I like?
What kind do you like?
I don't know.  Just all the kinds.
Then don't worry!
But will everyone get one?

I just want to scream!!  And that's before the meltdown about not being able to find shoes (due in large part to not looking for them) and the tantrum about where to sit in the car, AND the whining about how the music is the wrong CD, too loud, too quiet, the wrong song.  Then, if we make it to 7-11 after all this, just TRY to get Xanthe a Slurpee fast enough to avoid her dying of thirst.  And then brace yourself for the inevitable flop on the ground when she decides that she should have gotten whatever Ari has.  Or Freestone.  Or the stranger standing next to her who got an egg roll, which she didn't get.  Why didn't she get an egg roll?  Can she have one next time?  Fine, then she won't drink her Slurpee if she can't have an egg roll.  Because she is starving!

Yes, we have tried letting her gorge herself and then roll around complaining of a stomach ache.  Numerous times.  We have tried everything.  We are no longer trying to "fix" Xanthe.  She is who she is, and we love her.  Still...

Today I said,
"Who wants pizza?!"
Xanthe says, Is there any Top Ramen?
Xanthe, we're having pizza.
Well, can I have two pieces?
How about starting with one?
But what if I'm still hungry?
Then you can have two.
Can everyone have two?
If they want.
But I want Ranch dressing on it!
No problem!

Why can't she just grab a slice of pizza?  If only every single thing in Xanthe's life was dance-related, it would be smooth sailing all the time.  She never complains about getting ready for ballet, she is always happy about it and she never has any problem finding her gear.  Ruby and I took her to Pat's Dancewear to get outfitted for the coming year.  The whole two-hour expedition was blissfully free of whining, complaining and meltdowns.  Do you know how rare that is with Xanthe?  As rare as a baby panda.  She tried on half a dozen leotards and got fitted for her first pair of ballet slippers, all with nary a weary collapse on the floor.  Of course, she still asked a million questions about why she couldn't keep the nylon socks they let her wear and HOW many more days until ballet starts, but all the questions were normal and not fraught with despair and worry.

Just like music provides different things for each kid, so does dance.  For Xanthe, it's an absolute lifeline.  It's an oasis in her life that doesn't seem to stress her out or confuse her or make her sad or angry.  I don't know why that is, but I am grateful.  Buying Xanthe's new shoes and leotard was one of the nicest experiences we have had all summer.  When we got home, Ruby gave Xanthe a new dance bag.  She has it all packed for the first day of ballet and checks on it about every hour to see if it's still hanging in the mudroom.  It's always there, except when Xanthe takes it down to show anyone who cares...and some who don't.  If you're interested, Xanthe will demonstrate how she changes into her ballet clothes and how she can point her toes.  You can tell her how beautiful and talented she is.  Just don't offer to reward her with a Slurpee.