Sometimes I think Xanthe sees herself in the image of her older sisters. She is one of them, after all. Why should she feel Chinese in their midst? She is more aware of her Chinese-ness when she is with her friend Emily or other Chinese children. Once, after playing with Emily and some other Chinese-American friends, Xanthe commented, "Moms aren't Chinese." Just a fact that has been empirically proven in Xanthe's world. Another time, Xanthe was at my violin shop when I met with one of my suppliers, a friend who is Chinese-American. Xanthe took one look at his face and shouted, "I'm China! I'm China!" As if to say, "Hey, I think we have something in common."
As a little girl, Xanthe can swing effortlessly between the two sides of her being. She likes to feel Chinese, she likes to forget she's different. The hard part will come, perhaps, when she realizes that her physiognomy allows her only to show the Chinese part. As much as she feels she is just like her sisters, she has deeply tanned skin and stick-straight hair that they can only covet. Likewise, she will covet the other girls' freckles and height at times, I'm sure. I would like all my kids to know that they are intrinsically singular and wonderful, whether they look similar to those around them or not. Shortly after Xanthe came home, Ari said with a sigh, "I'm special. But not as special as Xanthe. She's from China." It breaks my heart to think that any child would feel "not as special." What I hope for, for all kids, is that whatever their faces reveal to the world about where they came from, they know that they are right where they belong, and that who they are is exactly who they were meant to be.
9 comments:
I love this post. It is exactlly how I feel, but couldn't put in words when I wrote my very lst post. It is something that they will always know, because they see their heritage. THanks for putting it in words for me.
She looks so cute!
This is wonderful. OK, I've long blamed my brain cramps and stalled tongue, the inability to retrieve the words that are RIGHT there on the tip of it, to the preoccupation of motherhood. But you, despite the sleep deprivation newborn package, are a master with words. You have a gift.
Beautiful post Circ. I love the glimpses into their lives that you provide. I think as parents we have a unique challenge. We want to try and help our children and understand them, but we will never really know what it is like just for them. You feel that with X and I feel that with J. We are just there to love, teach, and support. X is so lucky to have you - just as are all of your children.
I love this post. You have such a good talent for writing. When are going to write a book?
You are such a good mom...I need to remember this with my own children and their differences. So well put, it brought tears to my eyes...
Beautifully put as always Circ! She is so darling with her new haircut.
I love her new hair cut. I am so glad Xanthe and all your other children came to be part of your family.
Thank you for putting this into words. Xanthe looks great in her haircut. I'm glad she was really pleased that she "looked Chinese"
I was talking to c about this very thing over the weekend. I told her that it's like people come in their own special shape.. everyone different.. but there are always people who will try to put you into a mold.. be like everyone else... Someday though.. someone will want to know what is completely unique about you. So, don't let anyone put you into the mold.
Ari has many things that are completely unique about her. Her face is just as unique and special as Xanthe's face. She has the thickest eyelashes that I have ever seen. She looks like someone has taken her to some amazing makeup artist.. but when you look closer.. you can see that it's all Ari... she is so beautiful.
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