I am sympathetic to friends of mine who suffer from chronic illnesses of the mental or physical variety, because pain is a game-changer. It is a thief. I go about my life with enthusiasm, and just enough energy to get by. I tout a positive attitude as my muse and attribute my happiness to a just-keep-swimming mentality.
And then my thumb starts hurting. I yelp in sudden pain when I grab a Sharpie to jot down yet another conflict on the calendar. Everything seems just impossible. My positive attitude seems to be deflated, possibly sleeping somewhere under the pile of homework papers that I don't give a rat's patootie about. I want to be productive and organized, but...I can't even think of a way to finish that sentence, because OUCH!
Is this all because my thumb hurts? How pathetic am I? On a scale of one to ten, like...a ten. I really think I should do one of those cleanses, like the paleo thing that people are talking about. My body feels like it needs a tune-up. It feels broken, like it hasn't recovered from the last pregnancy. And it keeps gaining weight, too. My body is acting like a stranger. I would love to diet or exercise, but I simply do not have the will. I do NOT have the will. I am mentally there, I'm happy and stable, emotionally in check, but physically, I feel like I'm dragging around dead weight. All I want to do is sit in my car and study my calendar, trying to make sense of it.
I have to cut myself some slack. Technically, I don't have the mental space to be tackling my health right now. If you have a bunch of kids in school, you know that April and May are months you're lucky to survive intact. There is not one single big event coming up that isn't at the exact same time as another big event. (Dance Company spring show and Ari's monster concert tomorrow, same time, different places. Freestone's big ballroom show, during Golda's band concert next week. Ogden, Kaysville, same time. Next Tuesday, Ari's youth symphony audition, a very special Young Women's night, and play practice. All at 7:00. Tomorrow, state solo and ensemble in Draper, right before dance company performance in Kaysville. Look for me driving 80 mph along I-15. Also look for Ari, walking to ballet. Because it goes without saying that there is always a ballet class during each of these events.)
Scott and I want our kids to be involved in all of these things. In fact, we love that they are involved in these things, and we wouldn't have it any other way. But something has to give, and that something is, evidently, my thumb. It just does not want to write one more thing on my calendar. It is in rebellion. It sees a Sharpie and seizes up. And then it sends shooting pains up my arm and into my hand, just for good measure.
Come on, thumb. The word is opposable, not oppositional. Now toe the line!
And then my thumb starts hurting. I yelp in sudden pain when I grab a Sharpie to jot down yet another conflict on the calendar. Everything seems just impossible. My positive attitude seems to be deflated, possibly sleeping somewhere under the pile of homework papers that I don't give a rat's patootie about. I want to be productive and organized, but...I can't even think of a way to finish that sentence, because OUCH!
Is this all because my thumb hurts? How pathetic am I? On a scale of one to ten, like...a ten. I really think I should do one of those cleanses, like the paleo thing that people are talking about. My body feels like it needs a tune-up. It feels broken, like it hasn't recovered from the last pregnancy. And it keeps gaining weight, too. My body is acting like a stranger. I would love to diet or exercise, but I simply do not have the will. I do NOT have the will. I am mentally there, I'm happy and stable, emotionally in check, but physically, I feel like I'm dragging around dead weight. All I want to do is sit in my car and study my calendar, trying to make sense of it.
I have to cut myself some slack. Technically, I don't have the mental space to be tackling my health right now. If you have a bunch of kids in school, you know that April and May are months you're lucky to survive intact. There is not one single big event coming up that isn't at the exact same time as another big event. (Dance Company spring show and Ari's monster concert tomorrow, same time, different places. Freestone's big ballroom show, during Golda's band concert next week. Ogden, Kaysville, same time. Next Tuesday, Ari's youth symphony audition, a very special Young Women's night, and play practice. All at 7:00. Tomorrow, state solo and ensemble in Draper, right before dance company performance in Kaysville. Look for me driving 80 mph along I-15. Also look for Ari, walking to ballet. Because it goes without saying that there is always a ballet class during each of these events.)
Scott and I want our kids to be involved in all of these things. In fact, we love that they are involved in these things, and we wouldn't have it any other way. But something has to give, and that something is, evidently, my thumb. It just does not want to write one more thing on my calendar. It is in rebellion. It sees a Sharpie and seizes up. And then it sends shooting pains up my arm and into my hand, just for good measure.
Come on, thumb. The word is opposable, not oppositional. Now toe the line!
6 comments:
Don't know how you keep up with it all! You are amazing and loyal to your children and your efforts and goals for them. Something had to give, I guess, just glad it is only the thumb, take notice though, your thumb might be telling you something, slow down, but I know you won't..you are devoted to it all, and proud of every achievement of each child, and rightfully so, and I admire you for it. Only six weeks, or maybe less, till pool time at Oakridge! Ahhhhh, summer time, hopefully it will be a more relaxing time. Hopefully! Love you, Aunt Tricia
I feel for you and your thumb! This is why we are friends, I feel broken too but can't make myself care enough to do something about it. Let's just eat some M&M's and talk about your thumb!
Have you tried an online calendar, like Google calendar? That would allow you to track all your kids events and allow your husband (and kids) could have access to the same real-time calendar too. It would also give your dear thumb a break :)
It's not too late to learn to write with your other hand, you know. I feel your pain! Although, if you're feeling broken -- you who is so put together, so vibrant, so energetic -- then I am (soggy) toast.
I think you're awesome! If you are really feeling beaten though, it doesn't have to take much time to eat more raw veggies or make a green smoothie, every little bit helps! Oh and stay hydrated (with water)! Not that I'm an expert, but those things make me feel better :)
Hope you are feeling better! I know exactly what you mean about April and May. I'm going through the same thing. Hang in there.
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