BEST FRIEND

I was talking to some friends about the junior high years, and what we as parents could do to make them successful.  None of us really know.  It's different with every kid, and to some extent, junior high just has to be endured.  It's not always the smoothest transition.  Awkwardness abounds.

I posed the question to Araceli, "My friends are wondering what a parent can do during junior high to help their kids.  What should I tell them?"

Without hesitation, Araceli replied in her emphatic way, "Be their BEST FRIEND.  Because you lose a LOT of friends during junior high and it can be confusing, and you KNOW your mom and dad will ALWAYS be there for you."  (Araceli talks in all caps sometimes.)

I was taken aback by the directness and clarity of her answer.  Thoughts went through my head like, "That's not what the experts tell you to do..."  Then I looked at my beautiful daughter.  SHE is the expert.  She's living junior high every day.  Those hallways can feel like a war zone, and it doesn't stop when you leave the school.  Kids are connected by social media 24-7, for better or for worse.  It's not something you can fight against.  You have to adapt in the healthiest way possible, and that takes considerable mindfulness, not denial.  It takes the presence of someone "older and wiser" to direct you through the muck.

Araceli has lost friends, she has gained friends, she has been confused, just like she said, by people who she thought were friends.  All of her peers are developing and making mistakes, just like she is.  I always tell my kids, when they're having trouble with a peer, "This kid is not fully developed emotionally.  Give your friends time, and give them the benefit of the doubt.  They're trying."

Araceli's answer was spot-on, I think.  Scott and I try so consciously to log the time with our kids that will make them understand that we WILL always be there for them.  From stopping at Fiiz on the way home from ballet to taking that extra 15 minutes at night to be still and listen.  Diving into their interests and drawing them into ours, we do try to create points of common ground, hoping that we eventually have a whole safety net of shared experiences, strung together with the hours and hours, gained minute by minute, that reassures these struggling adolescents that we see them and we care.

I don't know exactly what Araceli means by BEST FRIEND, but I intend to listen and pay attention so that I can fill that role just the way she needs me to, while making room at the table for her peers.