Yi Ai You

Xanthe is 9!  The celebration started in Imperial Beach, when we designated one of our pizza nights to Xanthe.  It was a pretty weak effort, but she bought it. ;)  Then, Tuesday, Tricia and Jim brought pizza and cake to celebrate our April birthdays.  Happy birthday to Jim, Emily and Xanthe, all within a day of each other.  In fact, Emily and Xanthe share a birthday, and we think that's pretty special.  Josh and Emily have a special spot in their family for Xanthe, which we appreciate.  Esmae is so good to Xanthe, with her sweet, kind spirit.  Heavenly Father knows what he's doing when he creates families!

 And Tricia knows what she's doing when she brings cupcakes!  These were a big hit.  Freestone showed everyone a technique he learned of eating cupcakes.  He sliced the cake part in half and put the bottom on the top, like a frosting sandwich.  He said he saw it on YouTube.  I said, "What, you were searching 'How to eat a cupcake'"  We'll never know, but the cupcake sandwich is a great idea!  Thanks for bringing the party, Tricia!

 Today, Xanthe's actual birthday, we were up and at McDonald's at 6, in order to celebrate before piano and violin lessons.  Every week, I take Freestone and Xanthe through the McDonald's drive-through before their lessons because, let's face it, it's just easier to get up when there's the prospect of a treat.  But they can only choose one thing from the dollar menu.  So it was a BIG deal today to Xanthe that we went inside the restaurant, and the kids could choose WHATEVER they wanted!  I know, I know.  But it was pretty exciting to get a whole meal, even with juice instead of water.

At piano, Xanthe gave Janet a little gift to celebrate her birthday.  If was fun because Janet used the lotion right away.  Xanthe was happy.  She had a great lesson.

 Before school, we drove to Dad's office to see the sign.  It had a picture of Xanthe and a Happy Birthday message.  Again, it's the little things!  AND the big things, such as the giant donut that Scott had waiting for her, along with a box of Cheese-Its and a drink.  Xanthe declared it her "most special-est birthay ever!"  And it was only 8:30!

 She marched off to school looking forward to GETTING SCHOOL LUNCH!  Wowzers!  Xanthe is like I was as a kid; she loves school lunch.  I don't know why; school lunch was homemade, warm and delicious when I was a kid.  Now, it's sugary, processed and packaged, which is why we do home lunch.  So I guess it's fun for a change to get school lunch on your birthday!

I thought about Xanthe's birth family today.  Although it was early in the morning for us and Xanthe enjoyed her special day, it was much later in China.  I imagined a woman going to bed, wondering about her baby.  Certainly, this day is marked in pain and suffering, loss and shame, grief and longing, on her heart forever.  Xanthe asked me, "What time was I born?"  I reminded her, without making it seem like a sad thing, that I wasn't there when she was born.  We decided that she was born at 4:30 pm.

It is deeply, darkly thrilling, exquisitely gut-wrenching, yet endlessly comforting, that there is a woman, and a father, too, in this world who know the exact moment of Xanthe's birth.  There is a woman who carried her, held her, and said good-bye.  These people hold a part of Xanthe's story that we will never know, yet we feel that bond strongly.  I don't think you can understand, without carrying this question in your heart for years, how courageous it is to sacrifice your happiness for your daughter's life.  I get angry when people criticize China's mothers and fathers for the unfathomable choices they make, because we cannot begin to imagine the thousands of years of tradition, coupled with the economic despair and absolute lack of options, that drives them to break that most sacred of bonds.  Family is everything to the Chinese, and they do everything to protect it, even when those decisions seem counterintuitive.

What I know is that Heavenly Father knows hearts, and knows families, no matter what those families look like.  Our only job is to love as He loves, to the extent that we can, and make sure we don't offset the love that brings us closer to God, with judgment.  Anyway, happy birthday, sweet little Xanthe!  We are so glad heaven and earth were moved to bring you here!