Rose-Colored Glasses

Remember the Little House on the Prairie episode where Mary went blind? How could you forget. She was screaming, "I can't see! Ma! Pa! I can't see!" It was terrifying. I thought about that today when Xanthe got her new glasses. One side of the glasses is just glass. The other is a prescription that makes the lens super thick. We have to patch the eye that can see for four hours a day while she wears the glasses for the bad eye. When I put the patch on, Xanthe wasn't screaming like Mary Ingalls, but she kept repeating, "I can't see. I can't see. I'm going to bonk my head. I can't see." The other kids were very supportive, although we were entertained by the fact that the glasses seem to age Xanthe about 40 years. She was so heartbreakingly adorable in the patch and glasses. Ruby tested Xanthe by holding up five fingers. Xanthe's poor little eye didn't know where to focus. Xanthe guessed seven fingers. After that, Ruby, with her compassionate heart, became Xanthe's seeing-eye dog, leading her around the house and watching Curious George with her. We only made it about an hour before taking off the patch and glasses. Xanthe was exhausted.

This is going to be rough. We have to try it for six weeks, even though the doctor thinks it won't help. I'm grateful that he's willing to try. It breaks my heart that Xanthe's sight is limited. Everything I see when I look around reminds me that Xanthe's perception is in some way compromised. It must add to her insecurity to have faulty depth perception and half the peripheral vision she should have. At first, the doctors guessed she may have been exposed to syphilis at birth, which can damage the retina. When I researched that, it seemed like she surely would have died of it if she had had exposure. Later, the doc speculated that Xanthe's condition was retinopathy of prematurity, damage caused to the retina from being premature. Who knows? Maybe the bundle at the orphanage gate was even smaller than I had imagined. A little scrap of humanity destined to become strong enough to hold her own in a family of older siblings. Somebody brave enough to walk around blind, grasping her sister's hand. Determined enough to take on every challenge, even the ones that make her mom's heart crumple.