I may have mentioned this story that took place when we were in Rome. We were sitting in a restaurant when a woman burst through the door next to our table, cocked her head, zeroed in on us and exclaimed, "Engliiiiish!"
She was a Canadian who had been traveling solo for weeks, and she was delighted to hear our North American accents. She sat down with us to dine, and a friendship was born from her enthusiasm and inclusion. We all loved her immediately.
The other day, Shannon posted a quote that resonated with me, so I paraphrased it and adopted it as my new life mantra.
"In every situation, be the presence of love."
This comes from a book called Loveability by Robert Holden. The actual quote is, "The greatest influence you can have in any situation is to be the presence of love." This quote struck me so powerfully, I immediately began using it. God is love, and so there's nothing else, really. We are here to love. As I go about my life. I visualize me being the person responsible for bringing love into any situation. Love manifests itself in patience, and in really listening. I can feel the love softening my facial features, even. Yesterday I was driving myself, Xanthe and Ptolemy to ballet. We really should have left home five minutes earlier, and I was on edge. I noticed I was scowling, and I thought of my role in this world: to be the presence of love.
I felt my face relax, and I smiled at my kids. I listened to them. Their voices were so sweet. I was happy because I was aware that my job wasn't to get to class on time, though I did. My job was to bring love into the car, and then to take it with me to my class, and send it with Xanthe and Ptolemy to their classes.
Teaching ballet, I have a student who really has a hard time. I noticed right off at the beginning of the year that the other girls were very patient with her, and I followed their example. At 8 years old, they're too young to bring anything but love with them. It doesn't matter to them if their friend is different. They probably aren't even aware of it, but they crave seeing the teacher treating their friend with love. I react to her behavior kindly, and I try to understand what she needs.
In an article detailing how the general authorities assign LDS mission calls, Elder Rasband related a story of then-Elder Eyring assigning missions. He said that he liked to envision where the missionary would return from after his or her service was complete. What perspective that brings to the beginning, to imagine the end.
Along with "being the presence of love," I am always cognizant of the intended outcome, rather than the process. With my little student, I constantly imagine how I would feel if, at the end of the year, her mother thanked me for being her ballet teacher. I try to act in a way that I'd feel proud of, in that moment. Would I deserve the gratitude?
Whenever I'm successful in lovingly, instead of gruffly, interacting with one of my kids, it's because I am mindful of the kind of person I hope they become, and I'm thinking about how I hope they remember their childhood when it's distilled down to a handful of feelings in hindsight. Lately, it seems like everyone in our family has been struck with a severe case of the blues. Seasonal Affective Disorder? I don't know, but if Costco sold mega family packs of Zoloft, I'd be the first one in line, and every crock pot recipe I prepared would include a double dose of them. Since I can't do that, I focus on what I would want my child to know if he or she was away from me and feeling hopeless or depressed. Would I want them to know that I expected their practicing to get done? Would I want them to know that I was checking their grades and I wasn't happy? No.
When kids are discouraged, it's hard to imagine that anything matters except for love. I want my children to know that I love who they are. There is nothing else. Last night, in the depths of exhaustion, nobody wanted to get their stuff done. Instead, we sat in the kitchen and made a list of everything we're quitting. School. Violin. Orchestra. French. Jazz. Especially school. As I channeled love, I just knew that nobody needed a taskmaster at that moment.
So there's love. Now we just have to figure out how to add motivation back in. Springtime, can you help us? Can love and homework coexist?
She was a Canadian who had been traveling solo for weeks, and she was delighted to hear our North American accents. She sat down with us to dine, and a friendship was born from her enthusiasm and inclusion. We all loved her immediately.
The other day, Shannon posted a quote that resonated with me, so I paraphrased it and adopted it as my new life mantra.
"In every situation, be the presence of love."
This comes from a book called Loveability by Robert Holden. The actual quote is, "The greatest influence you can have in any situation is to be the presence of love." This quote struck me so powerfully, I immediately began using it. God is love, and so there's nothing else, really. We are here to love. As I go about my life. I visualize me being the person responsible for bringing love into any situation. Love manifests itself in patience, and in really listening. I can feel the love softening my facial features, even. Yesterday I was driving myself, Xanthe and Ptolemy to ballet. We really should have left home five minutes earlier, and I was on edge. I noticed I was scowling, and I thought of my role in this world: to be the presence of love.
I felt my face relax, and I smiled at my kids. I listened to them. Their voices were so sweet. I was happy because I was aware that my job wasn't to get to class on time, though I did. My job was to bring love into the car, and then to take it with me to my class, and send it with Xanthe and Ptolemy to their classes.
Teaching ballet, I have a student who really has a hard time. I noticed right off at the beginning of the year that the other girls were very patient with her, and I followed their example. At 8 years old, they're too young to bring anything but love with them. It doesn't matter to them if their friend is different. They probably aren't even aware of it, but they crave seeing the teacher treating their friend with love. I react to her behavior kindly, and I try to understand what she needs.
In an article detailing how the general authorities assign LDS mission calls, Elder Rasband related a story of then-Elder Eyring assigning missions. He said that he liked to envision where the missionary would return from after his or her service was complete. What perspective that brings to the beginning, to imagine the end.
Along with "being the presence of love," I am always cognizant of the intended outcome, rather than the process. With my little student, I constantly imagine how I would feel if, at the end of the year, her mother thanked me for being her ballet teacher. I try to act in a way that I'd feel proud of, in that moment. Would I deserve the gratitude?
Whenever I'm successful in lovingly, instead of gruffly, interacting with one of my kids, it's because I am mindful of the kind of person I hope they become, and I'm thinking about how I hope they remember their childhood when it's distilled down to a handful of feelings in hindsight. Lately, it seems like everyone in our family has been struck with a severe case of the blues. Seasonal Affective Disorder? I don't know, but if Costco sold mega family packs of Zoloft, I'd be the first one in line, and every crock pot recipe I prepared would include a double dose of them. Since I can't do that, I focus on what I would want my child to know if he or she was away from me and feeling hopeless or depressed. Would I want them to know that I expected their practicing to get done? Would I want them to know that I was checking their grades and I wasn't happy? No.
When kids are discouraged, it's hard to imagine that anything matters except for love. I want my children to know that I love who they are. There is nothing else. Last night, in the depths of exhaustion, nobody wanted to get their stuff done. Instead, we sat in the kitchen and made a list of everything we're quitting. School. Violin. Orchestra. French. Jazz. Especially school. As I channeled love, I just knew that nobody needed a taskmaster at that moment.
So there's love. Now we just have to figure out how to add motivation back in. Springtime, can you help us? Can love and homework coexist?
4 comments:
I loved this so much!
I love it. I think my mom is a great example of bringing love everywhere she goes. I think you are too. It's going to be my new mantra too. And I'm experiencing the blues too- even though I'm moving in 3 days! Ahhh- maybe the weather?
Is this a candid shot from your class, is that the girl? Poor thing. Isn't it wonderful that children can set the example in showing love? I'll never forget toilet training my youngest daughter. I was frazzled and angry after yet another accident and it was her older sister who swooped in with a hug and said to her, "It's OK, I'll help you." What a lesson for me that day. I'm sorry your family has the blues. Good thing you can protest together!
Thank you for another beautiful, thought provoking, encouraging post friend! Going to work harder on loving...because we need it here too! So thankful the clocks change this weekend and the evenings get longer!
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