The Car Wash Cure

When you're a kid, it seems like mothers are always going around in a general state of sortof low-grade anxiety, sighing as they pick stuff up off the floor, rubbing their temples as they remind you for the thousandth time to clean your room. As a kid, you're thinking, "Would it kill you to leave that toy on the floor? What's the big deal?" It's as if mothers are afraid of loosening their grip on order, for fear the whole world will come tumbling down if they relax their vigilance one tiny bit. It's downright aggravating to a kid to have to shoulder the burden of a mother's pervasive grouchiness. My mom was fun, but you know what I mean. That's why it's so funny when something happens that ruffles the damp, joyless feathers of an overworked mom. One such occasion was when I was about ten. Sarah and I started making chocolate chip cookies, no doubt destroying a freshly cleaned kitchen, when we discovered there was no flour. Hauling out the Vitamix, we ground wheat to make our own flour. Clever, right? What came out of the oven was one giant, flat cookie, about a millimeter thick, and lumpy. We thought it was funny, but feared the wrath of Mom when she saw the inedible mess. Indeed, she was mad. She stared, stone-faced, at the cookie. In our minds, we were already grounded. Suddenly, Mom burst out laughing, and when we joined in, none of us could stop. It was like my mom was a real person! With feelings other than agitation! And a sense of humor that she was willing to share, even at the risk of universal chaos ensuing.

The home made flour memory still makes me laugh, but not as much as the Car Wash Incident. It was after Mom had picked us up from ballet, Sarah and I. I was in trouble for something and Mom was huffy as she pulled into the manual car wash and got out of the car. Mom picked up the cleaning brush and deposited her quarters. What happened next was that the brush that she wasn't holding got all the water pressure and SHOT out of its holder. Have you ever seen a high-pressure car wash hose whip around loose? Mom just stood there, stunned, holding the flaccid hose in her hand until she got the wherewithal to grab for the live hose. Her glasses had become covered with soapy water and she couldn't see a thing as she groped around for the wild hose, suds running down her glasses, her hair drenched. Inside the car, Sarah and I were helpless with laughter. Helpless. I couldn't breathe and my stomach ached, but I didn't care. We gasped for air, hysterical, as my mom lunged around the car wash bay on her hands and knees with her soapy glasses. It was quite a show. To this day, I can picture that hose whipping around while my mom tried to keep her Responsible Adult veneer intact. When she finally caught the offending hose and, rather pointlessly, I thought, finished washing the car, she got back in the car and looked at us. And laughed until the tears washed the soap out of her eyes.

Sometimes, no matter how wonderful a mom is, they get into the thick of life and moms get bogged down. Seeing them as people, rather than just the voice of authority, is like spotting Madonna at the airport. She's real! Our moms are real. They do more than drive us around and keep us on task. They feel more than impatience at our shortcomings and pride at our accomplishments. I have to smile when I feel myself falling into the heaviness. Sometimes I let that veneer of authority crack just a little. I open the door and show my kids that I'm joyful and real. Sometimes they roll their eyes, sometimes it makes them happy. If things ever get too bad, I might take them to the car wash. There, I know how to get a laugh.