Bring Back 1978

It's the end of the term.  I feel like by the time Tziporah gets to high school, I'll be begging her to take two gym classes, life skills math and be a teacher's aide.  I am exhausted!  Maybe it's because Xanthe's Monday Marathon stretched into Tuesday.  She races home from school every Monday and digs into her packets.  She was still feverishly working last night at 7:30 when I went to teach.  She follows me around making me translate every question and then help her come up with the answers in French.  It's so hard!!  {"It's so hard," she whined.}  Yes, I'm whining.  But you don't understand!  I had to threaten to call Xanthe's teacher if she didn't put her homework down.  I promised Xanthe that I would go through her "writers' circle" essay and correct it before I went to bed if she would just stop doing homework and start on her reading.

The next morning, I was woken up by Xanthe's face an inch away from mine.  "Did you read it?"

No, of course I didn't read it!  I was wiped out from the three hours of French homework I had.  I never intended to read it.  I lied!  

And then there's Freestone.  Freestone's teachers sent an email with a list A MILE LONG of missing homework assignments.  It's like he's been on a mission to avoid turning in a single homework assignment all year, and he's succeeding beyond anyone's wildest expectations.  Even when I sit with him and complete work, he fails to turn it in.  It's weird.  I don't know what's up with Freestone, but I do know that nobody, and I mean nobody, can not-turn-homework-in like our boy.  He's a champ.  I have gotten so tired, what with Xanthe's determination and Freestone's striving for the Guinness World Record for Most Homework Avoided, I have given Freestone the rest of the term off.  That means one week of not having to write down stupid comments about the books you read.  It means watching a TV show when it's on instead of waiting until the weekend.  It means eating dinner with your mom without simultaneously doing math.  It's like 1978.

Remember when we would all shake our heads about the state of education in this country and how we were all turning out to be dumb-dumbs compared to the rest of the world?  Well, be careful what you wish for, because I wish I could go back to those days and warn people, "I've seen the future!  And the future is hard!  There's homework!  Lots of homework!  In foreign languages!  Just keep your heads down and settle for mediocrity!"  Nowdays, my kids are getting an amazing education, and...it is freakin' hard!  I'm having to say things to my kids like, "I don't think you should mummify mice for the science fair.  How would we...Where would we even..."

I have to tell you a funny story, even though it's not my story.  It's my brother Josh.  Emily was looking at his kindergarten class picture and noticed our cousin Jamison in the picture.  Jamison didn't go to our school.  When Emily asked about it, Josh said, "I dunno.  Mom and Pat were probably doing something and they sent him to school with me that day."  Yep.  Jamison's parents went on a trip and Jamison stayed at our house.  And of course, since it was the '70's, he just went to kindergarten with Josh instead of at his own school.  And the teacher put him in the class picture!  Can you imagine that scenario today?  "Teacher, this is my cousin.  He lives in Bountiful, but his mom and dad went on a trip.  So can he be in my class for two weeks?  Great.  Thanks."  That would never happen in 2014.  Remember how I got an email from Ptolemy's kindergarten teacher about him being "checked out" on the reading rug?  How do you think it would go over if he actually checked out and went to school in a neighboring town for a couple weeks?  Man, our kids aren't going to have any good stories to tell.  Too bad, because they appear to be very good at writing, based on their test scores.