Golda's Graduation

 I tried to leave a little time open on June 4th to mentally and physically prepare for Golda's high school graduation.  I didn't want to show up with wet hair or in sweats.  That meant Araceli was on her own for the party she organized.  She invited everyone to King & King to hang out on the patio.  I decorated a little, threw down some blankets and chairs and set up coolers of drinks and baskets of snacks.  Nothing fancy.  Every time I drove by, I craned my neck to see if the kids were having fun.  Meanwhile, Freestone and Xanthe had parties to attend and well, the last day of school is exciting.  Not a time to relax.  On a time crunch, Golda and I drove down to Davis (for the last time.  I used to drive her there every day, but that's over) to take pictures.  Golda was perfectly coiffed and looking radiant in her gown.  I an SO glad she suggested this little photo shoot, and happy it was at the school.  There were quite a few graduates there with the same idea.  The contrasting feelings of euphoria and despair hung in the air thickly, making the clouds seem so painfully poignant.  It was like when we brought Golda home from the hospital as a newborn.  We wanted to shout at everyone on the road, "Slow down!  Don't you know we have a BABY in the car?!"

Standing in front of Davis High, on the plaza I had so nonchalantly criss-crossed over the past three years, I wanted to shout to the universe, "Do you see this?  I told you to slow down!  Golda has LEFT this school and she's NEVER COMING BACK!"  It took everything I had to keep it together and take the pictures.  I willed myself not to think about my own senior picture, in that same location, pre-renovation.  And I really tried to block out the fact that Davis High is all over for Golda.

In fact, I haven't been able to think any thoughts lately, which in inconvenient when you're trying to navigate 7 kids through the last few weeks of school.  I have settled on dirty dishes as a safe thing to think about when I'm about to lose it.  I just think about the sink piled high with dirty dishes, and I try to get annoyed about that so that the tears pricking my eyes will recede and everyone will think I'm holding it together.

I can't look at Scott.  I told him we would look at each other after the ballet recital.  He is constantly at risk of dissolving into a puddle of water.  I can't get close to him or I might drown.  Nevertheless, graduation was so exciting and so fun.  It was a perfect night.

 Ella, Golda's sweet friend.  She would have been the valedictorian if they had had one.  4.0 and 36 on the ACT, highest scholarship possible to BYU.  And she is the nicest person ever.

 Emily, Golda's best friend.  Love her!

 Connor from Dance Company.  Golda and Ruby were so lucky to have him.

 And then dinner at Oakridge.  It was perfect weather, and dinner was delightful.  I couldn't process just how delightful due to my ban on thinking about anything but dirty dishes, but it was a beautiful night in every way.  Maybe I'll be able to talk about it without crying...someday.