It is so very difficult to react appropriately in a situation like that. When a teacher calls to tell you that your child has been naughty, emotions course through you as if a cocktail of drugs is being injected into your arm by IV. You feel frustration at your child, compassion for him, shame and embarrassment at his behavior, anger at the situation. You feel protective of him, yet you want to wring his neck! You want to support the teacher, but hatred at her for attacking your child flares up unbidden. I literally feel like there's twice as much blood in my veins as usual, and it's running hot. In that moment, I have to come up with an appropriate reaction, one that conveys my concern, says that I am a responsible parent, yet doesn't sell out my kid.
I find it almost impossible to find a balance here. On one hand, I don't want to punish him with a reaction that stems from my embarrassment as a mother. I have done that, and it is not fair to the child. On the other hand, I want to teach him respect. I'm just not sure if I can do that in one day. At school, he lost recess, had to call his mom, and had to write a letter. At home, he got his DS taken away until June 19th, got lectured at and had to skip baseball practice. (It was cancelled anyway, but don't tell Free.) Is that overkill for a moment of defiance in music class?
The larger question is, how can a parent ever see things clearly? How can I see things clearly at all when a brown-eyed, towheaded extension of myself is out in the world defiantly banging maracas together?
5 comments:
In ten years you'll laugh about this, but today I see where you're coming from.
I remember my dad always told me that I should decide how I would react in certain peer pressure type situations and then it would be easy to respond appropriately. I wish I could see all of those parenting challenges coming so I could figure out now how to respond appropriately. If you figure out a good standard response please let me know. I love that you used the cancelled practice! Thanks for the park invite, I feel better just having soaked up some rays!
You spoke of not wanting to punish him based on your embarrassment -- I wonder if the teacher operated on that. Seems to me a natural consequence for banging the maracas together would be for the teacher to take them away, and Free would not be able to partcipate. If she had physically done this, would he have had time to be cheeky? Is that why he's being punished?
I admire you desire to support this teacher. Yet I have a real issue with YOU being the punishment (at least by having Free call you). If the phone call was to inform you of the "punishment" the teacher was administering, that's one thing, but the same could be accomplished with a note or call after school. To have the child phone you AS punishment is weird. It unnaturally puts you in the middle of the action-consequence trajectory. We'd never ask our teachers to punish our children for not making their beds, would we?
I'm really curious to know which music teacher this was!
Maybe the teacher simply thought you'd get a kick out of all this?
Tell Ruby to record Jazz game in basement. It starts at 6 on channel 4 (i think). People are leaving tonight at 6, so don't stop in Logan.
Scott
Great post. I had Alex call me because he had gotten into trouble because he got caught sliding on the floor under the stalls in the boys bathroom so he could lock all the stall doors. I asked him why and he said, I thought it would be funny watching someone who had to go so bad, not be able too. Hmmmm..
It is a hard balance. I am right there with you!!!
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