Standing in the Light

This year, Nutcracker for me was a bit blighted.  For starters, Ruby and Ari didn't make it, so we were a house divided going in.  Ruby's sorrow definitely cast a pallor over the whole season.  She would have taken any part.  Any part.  Soldier, Mouse King, Lady in Waiting, backstage crew...She just wanted to be in it.  I know a little bit of how she feels.  I tried out for Nutcracker at Ballet West several times and always got cut right away on the first cut.  I didn't make it until I was 14, and that was because the part - Oriental Servant - had been diminished to what they called a "furniture part."  We were onstage but didn't dance much more than the furniture.  I didn't care.  I was thrilled, and I'm still thrilled that I had that opportunity.

So this week, Golda had her friends by her side, for which I am grateful.  I knew she would have a great time and not be affected by my flagging spirits.  So that left me with Freestone.  Uncle Bob died on Monday night, and I was sad.  I needed a lot of mental space to process that, yet here was Freestone.  It was his first Nutcracker and he was excited.  He didn't need to be weighted down with all the other things happening.  I had to make this week special for him, and that was my task.  Freestone was the ray of light that I clung to all week.  I drew from his enthusiasm and tried to step into his world, where I could see Nutcracker from his youthful and untarnished eyes.  Through my spry, hard-working, funny little Party Boy, the world was set right many times throughout the week.

Despite Freestone's exuberance and my desire to be on that bandwidth, I did get into a little scuffle with another person who just happened to be complaining about Nutcracker.  Her point, that her child was "only onstage for 30 seconds," struck me as repugnant.  I'm afraid I gave her a smack-down to the tune of "if you think it's too much work, you should go home and you shouldn't be here next year either."  Don't talk to me about how much work it is, ya whiner.  Look around you at all the magic.  And if you can't see it, let someone who can see it have your part.  It just galls me when people act so put-upon over things that are actually the good things in life.  Oh, it's hard to be part of an awesome production and see your child onstage?  Boo hoo.  You know what's hard?  Living in a refugee camp.  Not having access to clean water.  Or just plain having to pull your children out of ballet because their dad lost his job.  You know what's NOT hard?  Showing appreciation that you get to be part of something iconic and beautiful.

Fortunately, I had the wherewithal to withhold SOME of those opinions.  But standing backstage in the dark with tears rolling down my face over the complexities and sorrows of life, I wasn't thinking about how HARD it was to spend all that time at the theater.  I was thinking how lucky I was to be cradled and shielded from reality, if only for those brief hours, by the blinding lights of the stage, the darkness of the wings and the sheer happiness on the faces of all of our children.  Most children in the world never get to be that happy, not even once.

You know where Uncle Bob was hours before he passed away?  He was at a dance recital to see Mackenzie, his grand daughter.  Let me ask you:  Do you think his family will ever complain about that night and the time it took to prepare that recital?

Freestone

Golda

Freestone getting his trumpet

My Chinese

Golda as Waltz of the Flowers

Finale

Gifts from friends

Golda and Freestone making me happy.

Ready!

Great group of girls.  There were moments...but they pulled it out and were just superb.

More fans!

Final dress rehearsal

Staging

Freestone's Party Scene "family."  His parents were Kate Robinette and Landon Hart.  Landon gave Freestone his stage name, "Barnabus."  They were the "Big Family."  Free thought it was hilarious that the "big family" only had four kids.  Next year, he wants to be in the Crazy Family.

My gifts for the Chinese

Despite the crazy picture, this was my most polite group of all time.  They were easy to work with, which was a blessing because choreography was hard for some.

Hanging out in the costume room with Sarah, the master seamstress.  Teachers have it so easy...Sarah was there sewing until late every night for costume committee.