New from Deseret Book

My favorite babysitter from my childhood wrote a book! I'm not surprised; she was always so articulate and goal-oriented. To me, DeAnne was perfect, and I spent my childhood and adolescence trying to emulate her in every way. She was talented, she loved children, she was beautiful, she was enthusiastic. And she was always one step ahead of me, being several years older.

She's still one step ahead of me, her oldest child being in college. And I'm still trying to emulate her, after reading her new book. My mom gave me this book yesterday, at just the right time. As SWS and my mom (thanks!!) and anyone within earshot know, I've been worried about whether to switch guitar teachers. My final decision resulted in Ruby and I both coming home in tears from "breaking up" with our guitar teacher. This book was waiting for me, and opening it let me know immediately that these decisions parents make on behalf of their kids are, of course, significant. But not monumental. The really big questions are whether you have the energy for what matters the most.

The book talks a lot about overscheduling, a term that makes me cringe. I firmly believe that being overscheduled is a frame of mind, not a function of what our calendars say. This book, coming from someone whom I know to be highly successful and driven in many areas, and also a great mom, inspired me to reevaluate whether our family is giving priority to the basics of the gospel. I can't even tell you how many ideas I got, or how uplifting it is to read encouraging words from someone who knows firsthand how much we all want to get this parenting thing right. The desire to do a good job of it can be so all-consuming that we lose perspective. Reading this book was like pushing a reset button in my mind and giving myself a chance to think, laugh and cry as I related to every word in the book!

I feel like my mom goals are sharper, just for now, and I have renewed energy to prioritize and organize. I can tell you right now that the non-negotiables for me, music, dance and academics, won't suffer because of my new outlook. But I won't be so afraid to let my kids fail, to let them do their own best, and I won't be so quick to judge their efforts. While I want to raise strong, confident, achievement-oriented, capable people, the right way to do that is to raise gospel-centered, compassionate, helpful, humble, hard-working people. If that road involves busy schedules, that's OK. As long as it's working for us. As long as we know where we're going and take the time to stay on course as a family. Family time isn't a problem for me. It's having the energy during that time to be connected to the people in my family. I'm going for less "Go play/practice/read while I clean" and more, "Help me clean and then let's read a book together." I tried it today and it was harder, sure, but maybe it will help my kids to be a little bit more capable and connected.

I wish I could buy a whole case of The Time-Starved Family and give one to each of the women I love and admire. I'll lend you my copy, starting right after I read it through again! Borrow it. Buy it. Read it. You'll be thoroughly inspired and feel a lot less inadequate, I promise.