Martha and Me

Do you know what Martha Stewart is doing today? She's horseback riding to the Barn at Bedford Post for brunch. Then her calendar says, "Fill birdbath." If I had a birdbath, filling it wouldn't be on my calendar. It would be something I'd do while I had the hose out to spray the mud off the kids. I love Martha's ideas for "quick and effortless." I'll show you quick and effortless. Six kids, one hose, sun dry. Bath time is done, the birdbath is filled and all the towels are still clean.

I do love to read Martha's magazine, though. I love to have parties and invite people over. Scott knows that and LOVES it! It cracks me up when Martha goes over how to make entertaining easy by planning ahead. Somehow my time line for getting ready for an event never turns out quite like Martha's. The differences:

Two days in advance
Martha: Make fish stock for the cioppino. Pick berries for fruit compote.
Circe: What party? I'm handling a book report and a kid with the stomach flu right now.

Day before
Martha: Make cheesecake and refrigerate. Browse farmers' market for fresh herbs.
Circe: Suddenly realize that every wall in the house is filthy. Furiously clean with a rag until the house is a complete disaster, except for the walls, which are sanitized now, but look the same from far away as they did when they were filthy. Run to Sam's Club during preschool, purchase delicious party food.

Three hours before
Martha: Make origami place cards for guests' place settings. Take ice sculpture out of freezer.
Circe: Use adrenaline to lift vacuum up the stairs, race around the house sweating like a pig, vacuuming up happy meal toys and hair ribbons. Try to explain to Scott again WHY we're having these people over.

Two Hours Before
Martha: Roast garlic. Chill wine.
Circe: Discover that all the delicious party food I bought at Sam's Club yesterday is gone. Have Scott make another trip. Mobilize kids to shove all their stuff into their closets and make their beds.

One Hour Before
Martha: Brush home made baguettes with olive oil. Shell shrimp and remove meat from crab legs for cioppino.
Circe: Lock kids outside and tell them to go to Coco's. Act surprised when Coco calls to say the kids came over. Tell her they can stay if she insists. Take a shower.

Fifteen Minutes Before
Martha: Add seafood to cioppino broth. Whisk together ingredients for vinaigrette.
Circe: Crawl around on hands and knees with a rag, cleaning the floor. Using a large wicker basket, clear countertops with forearm sweeping motion. Ditch basket in garage. Wait for guests to arrive.

Two different styles. Who can say that one is better than the other? :) I know my parties are more fun because mine are real and Martha's are pretend. So there. Even if I don't have a freezer big enough to store an ice sculpture.