Variation on a Census

 A little LDS humor from some of our favorite ward members:

UTAH Census Form

1. _____________________ (Given name)  2. _____________________ (SURNAME)  3. Descendant of:  A. Brigham Young _____ B. Heber C. Kimball _____ C. Donny or Marie _____  4. Tribe of Israel : _____________________  5. Number of occupants residing in home in each category: (Listed in chronological order) A. Nursery _____ B. Junior Primary _____ C. Senior Primary _____ D. Young Women's/Young Men's _____ E. Relief Society _____ F. Elder _____ G. Dearly Departed _____ H.  High Priest _____ 6. Occupation [Please select all that apply.]: A. Amway dealer _____ B. Shaklee dealer _____ C. Nonie juice dealer _____ D. NuSkin dealer _____ E. Melaleuca dealer _____  7. Favorite place to eat the night before Fast Sunday: A. Chuck-A-Rama _____ B. Hometown Buffet _____ C. Sumo Sam's All You Can Eat Feeding Trough _____  8. Favorite Hero:  A. Nephi _____ B. Abinadi _____ C. Samuel the Lamanite_____ D. Steve Young _____ E. Johnny Lingo _____ 9. Which of the following do you bring to church [check all that apply.]:  A. Scriptures _____ B. Franklin Planner/ Daytimer _____ C. Pen/Pencil _____ D. Lifesavers/ Cheerios _____ E. Tic Tacs _____ F. Game Boy _____ G. Big Gulp _____ H. Cooler _____ I. iPhone _____ J. TV Watch _____ K. All of the above _____ 10. How many years has your family sat in the same place for Sacrament Meeting: A. 10-20 years _____ B. 20-30 years _____ C. 30-40 years _____ D. Over 3 generations _____  11. Which day of the month do you go home/visiting teaching: A. 31st ______ B. 31st ______ C. 31st ______ D. 31st ______ 12. How many church basketball fights were you in last year:  A. 1-10 _____ B. 10-20 _____ C. 20-30 _____ D. You'll have to ask my lawyer _____  13. Which of the following has been your most effective Family Home Evening:  A. Arguing about getting along B. Having an opening and closing prayer with dinner C. Gathering around the television to watch "Dancing with the Stars?"  14. How many times a year do you make: A. Jell-O salad _____ B. Funeral potatoes _____ C. Cabbage and Top Ramen salad _____ D. Turkey, cashew and grape-stuffed croissants_____  15. How many water-filled two-liter bottles do you own: A. 1-2 thousand _____ B. 2-3 thousand _____ C. 3-4 thousand _____ D. Enough to fill the Great Salt Lake _____  16. Which of the following do you feel is the most secure facility in the nation: A. Alcatraz B. Fort Knox C. Ward Libraries  17. How many structural engineers do you hire annually to insure you'll win the pinewood derby: _________  18. Keeping the Word of Wisdom in mind, how much of the following do you consume:  A. Chocolate: ___ pounds daily X 365 days annually= ____ B. Diet Coke: ____gallons daily X 365 days annually = ____  19. If you had to choose between witnessing the Second Coming or attending a BYU/UofU football game, which would you choose? A. Second Coming _____ B. Football game _____ AMEN ________________________________