Reinventing the Carrot

When Xanthe's report card came home and I realized how much work had to be done, I thought, "I can't possibly do any more."  Piano 20 minutes a day, reading 20 minutes a day, her homework packet 20 minutes a day, her math homework, her French spelling words, her English spelling words, her baggie book, her reading buddy book...it wouldn't be easy even if she were my only kid.  Add the fact that all of this is not enough to keep her at grade level and it's overwhelming! 

Truthfully, we haven't done as much as we should.  With a family, the focus has to constantly shift from one child to another to meet everyone's needs.  Xanthe is the squeaky wheel right now.  Since I can't create more hours in the day, I have to - again - reevaluate my organization.  I have to make sure the little kids practice before school, which means over an hour of my time.  (Another squeaky wheel needs lots of cello intervention this week to get ready for a recital on Saturday.  No independent practicing for Ari this week.)  Each time I want to do something else, I have to sit down with Xanthe instead and read or do math.  When I run a kid to ballet, I have to take Xanthe in the car so we can quiz math facts.  When I'm helping someone else, I have to get Xanthe settled with a book first.  At bedtime, I have to take an extra ten minutes to go over the spelling words, even though I just want the little live-wire to go to sleep!  (We figured out a way to do math at bedtime:  Counting down the number of times Xanthe makes her bed.  Six more and I will make her a soft blanket.)

It sounds like a lot of work, but for some reason, all this extra effort is easier than bearing the feelings of inadequacy and fear that go along with falling behind.  I actually look forward to the kids coming home and getting started on their assignments, especially Xanthe.  I can't explain why putting in more effort makes a job easier than just getting by, but it's a good lesson to apply in all areas.

I just spent a month with a squeaky-wheel Freestone, learning his graduation piece for Suzuki Book One.  I knew it would be almost impossible to learn Gavotte in that short of a time, but I HAD to get it done.  It cost us $25.00 in Skylander guys, but it was worth it to see Freestone so motivated, and to achieve the goal:  playing in the graduation recital.

The other kids complained about Freestone getting rewards, so I told them to bring me a proposal and I would give them a reward, too.  Now Golda is working on 52 days in a row of practicing for $52.00, which is a great deal, considering she would have been forced to practice for free anyway!  :)  But I knew she was in a slump and needed something. 

With Xanthe's work, my payback will come when she catches up to her peers.  My motivation is that she will be kicked out of the French program if we fail.  The donkey and the carrot analogy is so true.  Sometimes you just need that carrot dangling in front of your face.  Half of raising kids successfully is just reinventing the carrot...for the kid and for yourself.

Con Artists and Delinquents

Ptolemy says he doesn't like to go to nursery at church.  He doesn't really cry; he's above that.  He does grumble, but he goes.  Today he saw an opportunity and took it.  He heard one of the leaders saying to another that somebody was stinky.  Tolly ran over to the leader and said, "I'm stinky!  I'm stinky!"  The leader didn't verify it, but brought him to me in Relief Society.  Tolly sauntered up to me and said quietly and menacingly out of the corner of his mouth, "I don't need-a go to nursery!"

He was right.  He got to go on a leisurely walk to the restroom with his mama instead of singing with the other two-year-olds.  Very clever, since he wasn't the least bit stinky.  Next he'll be coming home with his pockets full of dirt and cement, if it comes to having to dig out.

Lest you think Ptolemy is the only criminal in our family, Xanthe and Esmae have been practicing their phone skills by calling their parents' phones and leaving cute messages.  I thought it was good practice for them until Esmae came up from Coco's basement and reported, "Xanthe is calling 911!"  I ordered them to bring me the phone so I could confiscate it.  Not two seconds after Xanthe earnestly reassured me that she hadn't really called 911, the phone rang.  Caller ID showed it was the county.  Add lying to her rap sheet.

As we waited for the officer to come, all the adults and some of the more self-righteous kids lectured the girls until Esmae was sobbing, "I don't want Xanthe to go to jail!"  Bill told Xanthe that the prosecutor (Scott) probably wanted her to go to jail, but that the officer would just talk to her nicely.  The more we all tried to elicit some remorse out of Xanthe, the more distraught Esmae became.  Xanthe...not so much.  As it turned out, the dispatcher was able to stop the officer from coming and thus Esmae was spared the fate of never seeing her cousin again.

What's next?  I'm just afraid to ask.

Sunday Morning Inspiration

http://www.youtube.com/user/MormonMessages#p/c/A088CD4F66CDB66E/4/o7Gzxy2d21U

Conditions don't have to be perfect for us to be happy.  Finding joy is a choice.  I love that!

Most of the closets are cleaned out.  Corners are vacuumed, walls are wiped down.  I even gave away some new sheets, which Scott had a fit over as he rescued them out of the give-away bag.  I got carried away, OK?!  It's not my fault; it's just a biological instinct.  I'm glad I finally have some nesting kicking in.  I was so lethargic, I thought we might have to bring Tziporah home to a grimy hovel full of six kids' outgrown clothes and old homework papers.  You would not believe what a kid can accumulate under their bed! 

Ruby and I went shopping for laundry detergent, fabric softener and Febreze this afternoon.  Does that sound fun to anyone?  Ruby and I love clean smells.  When Ruby was little, she was known to hide a cup of laundry soap under her bed to smell if life got rough.  I can totally relate.  Weird?  Maybe, but the Dopps are going to smell SO good that you won't even notice if Ptolemy's 200 blocks are spread over 2,000 square feet.  Mix Gain-scented Febreze with the powdery smell of a baby and we're going to practically be living in paradise when this baby gets here!

Freestone's Wolf

We knew Freestone was an animal.  Now it's official.  He's a Wolf.  I guess he was a Bobcat up until now, although you wouldn't know it because I haven't even sewn his Bobcat thing on his uniform.  The Scout leader had to tell me that we were supposed to be checking things off in his Scout book so that he could advance.  Embarrassing!  I had done absolutely nothing except send the little guy off to Scouts every Tuesday.  So Free and I went through his book one night and passed off 43 things.

And that's how you earn a gold arrow, two silver arrows and your Wolf in one night.  Of course, a lot of the things we passed off, we had done previously, either at home without knowing that it filled a requirement, or at Scouts.  See what a good mom I am?  I'm such a great mom, Freestone got to present me with a Wolf pin.  Scott took lots of pictures but they're all hideous because apparently, I haven't thought about dying my roots for quite some time.  And because I look really pregnant.  Go figure.

Speaking of which, two more weeks until the baby!  I must say, I'm glad she's a girl.  I don't know how many more pack meetings I can take.

Happy 13th to Ruby!

 

Happy birthday to Ruby!  Everyone wanted to be in Ruby's picture this morning.  Everyone loves Ruby because she is kind, fun and patient with the kids.  Ari and Freestone stayed up late to make delicious cookies for Ruby to surprise her this morning.  Scott took Ruby to Jamba juice to kick off her birthday with an energetic burst.

Ruby has always been somewhat of an adult.  It is so fun to see her blossom into the person she will become.  She is very decisive, so as long as she makes good decisions, she will go forward in life with confidence.  As of last night, her plan was to spend the summer after her senior year studying flamenco guitar and dance in Spain, then go to college.  She wants to major in dance and later, be a nurse anesthetist.  The only problem is, she wants to do it all right now and she still has to slog through junior high.  She is doing a great job of keeping her eye on her goals and working toward them incrementally.  We are proud of Ruby for being so responsible, but more importantly, for being a wonderful, caring person.  The peace she brings to our family is priceless.  She is named after my grandmother Ruby, who was always a peacemaker when she was a small child and still is.  Both Nana Ruby and our Ruby exude a calmness and spirit that brings joy to those around them.  And they both have the same color hair.  So Ruby must have been named after the right person!  Her middle name suits her, too, as she was named after Scott's mom Marlene.  Marlene and Ruby both have a knack for taking care of others, especially their family. 

Ruby, we love you and love what you're doing in your life and where you're going.  Keep up the good work!

Worry

At my friends' shower, Sarah gave us each a Guatemalan worry doll.  We had been talking about which of us were the worriers, who stays up at night.  I'm not a worrier by nature.  There are tons of things I never worry about, like what people might think of my unmatched socks and what we'll do in case of an earthquake.  I'm a que sera sera person.  For as much as I love to plan everything, I don't fret, especially about things I can't control.  Maybe planning is my defense against worrying.  Who knows?

There is a different type of worry than the brain-churning what-ifs, though, that every mother's brain has to process.  It's working through the information of any given circumstance and finding a solution that feels right for your child.  It's not bad worry; it's good, productive worrying, but it still takes up mental energy.  My worry doll has had to hear a lot about Xanthe this week.  Her report card says "she is falling further and further behind" in math and reading.  Poor little girl, she is so eager to learn and so proud of herself when she does homework.  She is very conscientious and careful.  She just has a really hard time retaining information for the next time she sees it, even if the next time is ten seconds later.  She goes over to Coco's house for one-on-one tutoring time and reads with me every day.  She is making progress, slowly but surely.  It's frustrating, though, because a concept that was there yesterday might be gone today, seemingly depending on Xanthe's stress level. 

And she puts a LOT of stress on herself!  Today I gave her a water bottle in her lunch with a little lemonade packet to put in it.  She said, "What if I spill it when I'm putting it in?"  One more thing to worry about at lunchtime!  Same thing with homework.  The minute she thinks she might make a mistake, she completely shuts down.  It is so hard to learn with such an elevated level of anxiety.  I have learned to go at a slower pace, waiting for things to compute.  Her eyesight is a factor, but also an excuse.  If she doesn't know something, she holds the paper right next to her face as if she is trying to see it better.  She's not.  She's just shut down and in panic mode.  She is just wound SO tightly.

I would love to work through this phase and get Xanthe back on track at school.  Her teacher suggested some testing and we told her to go ahead with whatever resources are available.  Every minute we spend patiently working with her adds up, and she will succeed.  I'm not sure how to help her stop worrying, though.  My Guatemalan worry doll might have to have a sleepover under Xanthe's pillow and explain to her that everything will be OK.  Even if she spills her lemonade.

Year of the Dragon

 Happy New Year!  The Year of the Dragon started out with making pot stickers.  Ruby planned to make them for extra credit in Chinese, and soon everyone was rolling dumplings and egg rolls.  Even Xanthe was pretty good at it.  I fried Ruby's school batch up this morning and took them to her class, where a dumpling party was just starting.  Her teacher is from China and is fabulous. 

I'm afraid Ruby is the only one who will get to party today.  I was so tired by the time I got home from that one little thing that I let Ptolemy have two cheese sticks and a big chunk of ice he found on the driveway for lunch.  I can't wait to get this little dragon here!  I'm a little nervous, though;  her sign is  "the mightiest of the signs."  One description says, "Dragons symbolize such character traits as dominance and ambition. Dragons prefer to live by their own rules and if left on their own, are usually successful. They’re driven, unafraid of challenges, and willing to take risks. They’re passionate in all they do and they do things in grand fashion."  Tziporah sounds feisty!  Why isn't there a baby lamb sign?  Or a sleepy kitten sign?  We're in for an exciting ride with this baby girl!

Winter Recital

Scott's job:  refreshments.  He came home with cookies and discount Christmas suckers.  The weather was perfect for holiday suckers!

Scott and Chris.  From the DHS tennis team to this...sitting through recitals while wondering why their wives make them do these things.

Phebe and her Twinkle Trophy

 Our amazing accompanist, Jennifer and her daughter Elise, who is a student of Ruby's.

Winter came yesterday just in time for my violin recital.  The driving rain turned to big, wet flakes just in time to make me nervous about people braving the icy roads to get to the recital.  Everyone made it safely, though, and the snow-laden trees outside the windows were a gorgeous backdrop for a brief recital.  Freestone played Gavotte and did a good job.  He's trying to get ready for Book One graduation next week.  Today, he has a goal of playing his song 20 times.  If he does, he gets to buy a Skylander figure.  The older girls asked why Freestone gets a reward for practicing.  I told them, "Ask and ye shall receive.  He had a plan."  Whatever motivates him!

Golda and Ruby's students played at the recital, too.  Teaching is such a great opportunity for them.  I'm proud of them for doing a good job of it.  Ruby's little Phebe earned her Twinkle trophy.  She was great on those variations!

Now that the recital is over, we're one step closer to being ready for the baby!

Why I Was Driving Around With Carlos Boozer in My Car

So I was driving kids around town on Friday afternoon when the vice principal from the elementary school called.  Our conversation:

V.P.:  "Mrs. Dopp, there's a dog here and somebody thought it might be yours."

Me, pulling over and getting ready to turn around to get Star:  "Is it a little Schnauzer?"

V.P.:  "No, it's a big Rottweiler."

Me, turning the car around again:  "Oh, OK.  Is he super nice?"

V.P:  "Nicest dog I've ever met."

Me:  "Then I know whose dog he is.  I'll call you when I get home and give you their phone number...or something.  I can't remember their name, but their dog has visited us before."

I texted myself before I started driving again to remind myself to get the phone number of the...uh...someone family, the owners of the dog my kids call Cujo, who really is the nicest dog you've ever met, even though he looks absolutely terrifying.

But something happened in my foggy brain that made me think it would be easier to just go to the school, get the dog, put it in my car and take it to its home.  Easier than going inside my house to get the ward directory and calling the school.  A few minutes later, I was being dragged along by a 150-pound Rottweiler with a jump rope tied around his neck.  Yes, the thought did occur to me that it wasn't a good idea, and probably more complicated than retrieving a piece of paper from my kitchen cupboard.

Cujo willingly got in my car and made himself comfortable on the back seat, on top of a spilled Crayola 64-pack.  I bet he broke almost all 64 crayons with one paw step.  I said to Ruby, "What happened to "Other people's problems are not my problems?"  I was doing so well not taking on things I didn't want to take on!  With my new mantra, I was becoming pleasantly and comfortably selfish and loving it.  Talk about falling off the wagon.  Now I was driving around with a giant, allergy-inducing drool machine in my back seat, and I slowly realized that I didn't actually know where the owners lived.  I just thought I did.  My only course of action was to drive to the house where the dog family doesn't live and say, "Hi.  I have a Rottweiler in my car who doesn't live here, but I thought he did, so, um, do you know the people I was thinking of?"  Which is exactly what I did, and it worked, thank heavens.

I finally got the dog to the right owner, who happened to be standing in his front yard wondering where his dog went.  As I drove away, I said, "By the way, we always call your dog Cujo.  What's his real name?"

"Boozer.  Carlos Boozer."

Sorry, Jazz fans. 

To Life, To Life, L'Chaim!

Thanks to my Women's Shelter friends for a beautiful shower for Tziporah.  Thanks to Sarah for hosting and making everything so beautiful.  And thanks for all the incredibly generous gifts.  The greatest gift is your friendship, whether it started at pre-ballet or grade school or when we became family.  I love you all!

 Our family.  Tiffany is such a talented artist.  Scott put the family under a glass cake dome on a platter.  It's darling; I'll have to take pictures. 

 Is that the most adorable little outfit you've ever seen?  Michelle made it to coordinate with the colorful blanket.  Colors make me happy!

Doggie bag for Scott.  You might think a cold plate of food isn't enough to honor Scott's part in getting Tizzy here.  But the salad Sarah made, and the home made pot pie, and Michelle's strawberry cupcake...it's a plate of heaven.  Scott loved it!  And just a related note on Sarah's cooking.  This will tell you how good it is.  When we told Golda and Ruby I was expecting Tziporah, one of the first things Ruby said was, "When she's born, Sarah will bring us dinner!"  Another time when I hosted something, Ruby texted me, "If Sarah brings anything, save some for me!"  Yes, Sarah's cooking has fans.  Did I have this baby so that my friends would celebrate with me in their fabulous way?  Maybe.  :)  But have you seen how these women celebrate life??  I want to be just like them when I grow up, and I hope Tziporah is too!

Snowflake Bentley

Free educated the whole family on snowflake photography

I love this kid!

This is Freestone's biography report on Wilson Bentley, or Snowflake Bentley, as he was known.  I absolutely love the portrait of the man that Freestone drew.  Do you see the camera Snowflake Bentley used to take pictures of snowflakes?  Now if you look closely, you can see the guy's arm reaching for the camera.  That's the portrait of Mr. Bentley.  Freestone thinks it's very funny.  But wait!  It gets funnier.  At the bottom of the page, he wrote "lift up."  So if you turn the page, there is a real picture of Snowflake Bentley.  If that's not top quality humor, I don't know what is.  Furthermore, Freestone was unable to color the picture like he was supposed to because, "Mom, it's a black and white picture."  He did color the snow with a white crayon.  I thought that was a nice concession to the establishment from our avant garde 3rd grader.  I'm sure he doesn't care one bit about the score.  I have a feeling his teacher will be able to see enough Freestone in it to know what he was going for, though.  She knows "funny" is his language.  F for funny?  I hope not!  Whatever the grade, Free learned everything there is to know about Snowflake Bentley and had a great time doing it, so if you want to know about snowflakes or how to capture them on film, call Snowflake Freestone!

Tizzy's First Photo Shoot

I just had to document this pregnancy.  I've always wanted to do those really artsy shots of the pregnant belly, but I never have.  The last thing most women want to do when they're 9 months pregnant is bare all.  There is a local photog who does great pregnant belly shots, but it's a thousand bucks!  For a thousand bucks, there had better be some serious photoshopping going on.  I decided to go a better route and hire Lexie Faith Photography.  Her photo shoot is $10.00 and it includes a disk of edited pictures.  She is very talented, fun, professional and prompt, too.

I'm a little giddy about how the pictures turned out.  I love the colors and Lexie's creativity.  Of course, I have to overlook, well, how I look.  This is as good as it gets for me at 36 weeks.  I'm just grateful about what's going on behind that warm, fuzzy scarf!  Tizzy is preparing for her real debut and I can't wait for opening night!! 

Honoring the Red Thread

 Yao Yao and Tolly

 Emi above and Denise and Emma below

 New Year money! Xanthe

 Araceli

 Claire and Kate

 Kate, Hazel, Emma, Yao Yao, Faith, Xanthe, Claire, Emi and Jade

 The kids all look so cute and color-coordinated together!  It makes sense;  Chinese New Year colors are red and gold and the official little princess color is pink.  There you go!  We had a fun lunch with lots of good food and even more good catching up.  The group changes as new people find us and old friends come and go, but it's always a good group, bound by the "red thread" connection.

The idea of the red thread is that you and all the people you are tied to in this life are connected by an invisible red thread.  The thread may stretch and tangle, but will never break.  You will find each other.  All the parents at our party felt the pull of the red thread on the journey to our children, both adopted and biological.  It's that "someone is missing" feeling.  I think of it as a connection to Heavenly Father's plan for our family.  Families are forever, so it makes perfect sense that parents would feel a "red thread" pull toward gathering their family around them.  The red thread is a quiet whisper, but it's powerful enough that somehow, all the beautiful kids on the couch - and the one about to be born - found their destiny.  We're so grateful!  For some of my dear friends, there may yet be red threads stretching from your heart to places yet unknown.  We shall see...