Changes Upon Changes

My life has been consumed by Nana Ruby the past few of weeks.  I can only imagine how exhausted my mom must be!  After that time I found her on the floor, she fell again at her mailbox and a neighbor found her in the snow!  She had hit her head and was bleeding.  After that, all of the relatives in the area and the neighbors started 24 hour care.  My mom and Allison would sleep over at night, and someone would be there all the time.  When I was there, Nana would want to go get the mail, and would be agitated and restless.  She wasn't as happy at home as she claimed to be.  The hours were long and the dangers were real.  It was an unsustainable situation.

My mom decided to move her to an assisted living place in Kaysville.  I'm making it sound like this was an overnight decision, but I'm skipping a lot of agonizing moments.  I also want to protect Nana's privacy and not tell you the details of her struggle to stay lucid, to understand time and place.  I'll say, it never did occur to me that some of life's most difficult struggles come at an age where I would have thought one would be home free in terms of life's battles.  I was so wrong.  The falls, and the dementia and finally, the leaving home for the assisted living place, are tougher challenges than anything I've faced in my life.  To think that we still have to adapt to change after almost a hundred years!  It's not exactly fair, is it?

I had the really fun job of preparing Nana's new apartment in the new place, while my mom and Allison dealt with physical therapy and Nana's 24 hour care.  It was a fun job to decorate a brand-new place, but also, I had to do it quickly and largely by myself, and it also entailed sneaking some of Nana's furniture out of her house.  Nobody felt good about that.  But it was too overwhelming to explain all the changes before they happened.  Luckily, anytime I asked for help, I got it.  Bruce and Marlene dropped everything to help me move the bed, then went to the hardware store to get it secured in a way I wouldn't have had the presence of mind to do.  Jen Ramsdell dropped everything to move a couch.  Emily helped me with the vision and moving things and childcare.  And finally, Scott and Josh supplied the last piece of the puzzle by sneaking into Nana's basement and hefting a reclining chair out through the back door on a Sunday night for Nana's Monday arrival at her new place.  We were all running on adrenaline and sick about all of it.

Monday at noon, Uncle Mark had stopped by to see Nana, and then Uncle Jim came to help Mary and Felshaw make the transition.  For a family of completely non-confrontational people, this was the worst possible scenario.  Dad told me he had been praying Nana would feel peaceful, and I know everyone else was, too.  Jim broke it to Nana delicately and gently, and Mom jumped in there, and soon it was a whirlwind of activity, I was stealing last-minute items to rush to the new place before Nana got there, and suddenly, Nana was leaving her beautiful home for maybe the last time.

Once in the new place, the whole staff rushed to greet Nana.  After being shown around briefly, she said, "Now is this an old-folks home?!"  The director advised her to think of it more as an all-inclusive resort, and indeed, it's exactly like one!  During this stressful time, I so wanted to curl up in Nana's sunny, new room and order room service!  For hours after being introduced to her new situation, Mary and Jim and Felshaw stayed with Nana.  Jim told her, "I thought about what Opa would want, and he would want you to be someplace safe."

Nana Ruby's final assessment was, "You've all worked so hard.  And I surely appreciate everything you've done.  And I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around all of it, but I'm going to go along with it!  And we'll just do the best we can."  I wanted to save those words forever, because they say so much about Nana's graciousness, her optimism, dignity and gratitude.  Characteristics that are not only inherent in Nana's spirit, but that have been cultivated by her for almost a century.  I am impressed and humbled by how Nana has been able to handle a terribly difficult situation, while the rest of us bawl in our cars driving between Bountiful and Kaysville, trying to pull it together for the next step.  I think my mom has been so brave.  I know she is exhausted emotionally and physically, yet relieved that her mother is in a safe place.

So Nana is eating three meals a day with new friends, trying to take in exactly how she came to be sitting on an unfamiliar couch in a bright, sunny, yellow room in a place that, according to Nana, surely must be just down the hall from her own kitchen, and only a driveway away from the mailbox she must not walk to anymore.

 Meeting with the director at The Villas at Baer Creek.  FYI, Nana can have visitors at any hour of the day or night.  The people are very welcoming and relaxed about family and friends being there.

 The lobby

 Nana's apartment before.  We toured every single available room.  This was the best one.  It's the only one with its own balcony and French doors!

 Trying to take comfort in the beauty of the temple on my way to Nana's one night.

Peanut butter bars can be answers to prayers.

And so can children.  I was saying, "Xanthe, are you even listening to me?"  

She said, "Sorry, Mom.  I was just thinking about Heavenly Father and how he built this place.  It's beautiful."

Yeah, it is.  And I needed that reminder to help me look up.

 Women on fire!

 I hauled this chair out of Nana's basement by myself.  It was heavy, but there was no time to plan an alternate method of getting all this done.

 The photo of Opa and some of the grandkids was a last-minute swipe, as Nana left home.  I had it waiting for her when she arrived at the new place.

 Tough day.

 Later that night, I went back with some kids to find Nana dining with Coco and Bill.  Don't you love how each 3-course meal is linen and china?

"After changes upon changes, we are more or less the same."  -Simon and Garfunkel