As I mentioned before, my new years resolution is to be nice. Sounds too easy, right? I mean, everyone is nice. It's not a big deal. It's a mild, benign attribute. "It was nice." Boooooo-ring!
Except that it's harder than it sounds. I have gotten in the habit of being a tiny bit critical of people and their efforts. I grumble. I critique. The great thing about being nice is that it gives me the freedom to not worry about people's actions and motives. If something happens that bugs me, I try to give the other person the benefit of the doubt, I consciously think charitable thoughts about them, I move on. Sometimes I want to dwell, but I try not to. I have a firm belief that when my thoughts and actions are driven by love, God is there to enhance my efforts. I crave that heavenly help, I pray for it, and it always comes.
On the other hand, I do admit, being critical is really a comfortable M.O. Being critical isn't hard, and it tends to lend a feeling of satisfaction. In short, it's a lazy and destructive habit that can't lead to happiness or real friendship. As I get ever more ensconced in my kids' lives and ever more focused on my narrow goals, I distance myself from most of the people around me, just because, let's be realistic, there is no time. I have gotten in a bad habit of justifying my absence from things like the PTA, the gym, or church activities, by criticizing those activities. For heaven's sake. Do I really want to be not only alienated from my community, but hostile towards it? I'm a happy person! Why am I creating toxic thoughts for myself?
Hence the resolution. I really am grateful for the community in which I live, and for the good people within it who make things run. I admire the people around me. I support their efforts. I am not threatened by them. Honestly, I have been inspired in this endeavor by my children. I want them to feel love for others and to remain unaware of others' faults, or perceived faults. I want them to be loving. I don't want them to see spite or grumpiness in me and think that's OK. That said, my kids are much better at being charitable than I am. Golda and Ruby simply won't say anything negative about anybody. It's uncanny. Instead, Ruby will give an alternate view of a tough situation by saying something like, "Maybe she was just really tired," or "She has had a lot of problems with that, but she had been working really hard on it," or "they don't mean to leave me out, they just spend a lot of time together and they forget about me." These kids' generosity puts me to shame, and I want to be more like them.
It's only January 7th, but already my resolution has given me a refreshing new outlook. I know I have a long way to go, but I have good role models around me. As Nana used to say when she was little, and all of us have said since, "Es be goo!" DeBry code for "Let's be good." Let's love one another.
Except that it's harder than it sounds. I have gotten in the habit of being a tiny bit critical of people and their efforts. I grumble. I critique. The great thing about being nice is that it gives me the freedom to not worry about people's actions and motives. If something happens that bugs me, I try to give the other person the benefit of the doubt, I consciously think charitable thoughts about them, I move on. Sometimes I want to dwell, but I try not to. I have a firm belief that when my thoughts and actions are driven by love, God is there to enhance my efforts. I crave that heavenly help, I pray for it, and it always comes.
On the other hand, I do admit, being critical is really a comfortable M.O. Being critical isn't hard, and it tends to lend a feeling of satisfaction. In short, it's a lazy and destructive habit that can't lead to happiness or real friendship. As I get ever more ensconced in my kids' lives and ever more focused on my narrow goals, I distance myself from most of the people around me, just because, let's be realistic, there is no time. I have gotten in a bad habit of justifying my absence from things like the PTA, the gym, or church activities, by criticizing those activities. For heaven's sake. Do I really want to be not only alienated from my community, but hostile towards it? I'm a happy person! Why am I creating toxic thoughts for myself?
Hence the resolution. I really am grateful for the community in which I live, and for the good people within it who make things run. I admire the people around me. I support their efforts. I am not threatened by them. Honestly, I have been inspired in this endeavor by my children. I want them to feel love for others and to remain unaware of others' faults, or perceived faults. I want them to be loving. I don't want them to see spite or grumpiness in me and think that's OK. That said, my kids are much better at being charitable than I am. Golda and Ruby simply won't say anything negative about anybody. It's uncanny. Instead, Ruby will give an alternate view of a tough situation by saying something like, "Maybe she was just really tired," or "She has had a lot of problems with that, but she had been working really hard on it," or "they don't mean to leave me out, they just spend a lot of time together and they forget about me." These kids' generosity puts me to shame, and I want to be more like them.
It's only January 7th, but already my resolution has given me a refreshing new outlook. I know I have a long way to go, but I have good role models around me. As Nana used to say when she was little, and all of us have said since, "Es be goo!" DeBry code for "Let's be good." Let's love one another.
4 comments:
I really need this to be my goal as well. I always think it shouldn't be so hard to be nice, but sometimes it is! I also volunteer for things and then complain to my husband about it, like how everyone on the committee are idiots or I'm the one doing all the work. Your post has helped to to take a good look at myself and the example I am setting for my children. Thank you for your wisdom.
It is insightful that being critical gives us justification for why we are not involved in something. Also, I think we feel we need that justification -- and maybe that's the source of the satisfaction. It's not good enough to say, "I'm not in PTA this year," without also giving an explanation, or so we feel. All said, I think you are a model of niceness. I really like Ruby's thoughts about giving the benefit of the doubt -- and when she shares them with you it's because she knows you're simpatico.
I love this resolution! I think you are right- sometimes it's just easier to criticize! I'm trying to do this too. Thanks for so faithfully writing on your blog and giving the rest of us some entertainment and inspiration!
great goal. I like when we set goals we will achieve. You are already 99.7% there, I am assuming you are not perfect or it wouldn't be a goal, so I am sure it will be a success. I didn't even think of that as a goal for me. What does that say? Apparently, I need to reevaluate what is important.
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