When Araceli went to junior high, I spelled out our expectations: that she would check her grades often, stay on top of her assignments and get a 4.0.
Then it didn't happen. She lives by her own expectations. I have known this since she was a baby, and yet I set up this scenario whereby Araceli had a good chance of disappointing me, depending on whether she gave a crap about a 4.0.
Turns out, she didn't. I got a call today from her Honors Science teacher that either Araceli could drop the honors designation and get a B+ or keep it and get a C, which would mean that she wouldn't get the honors designation anyway. Seems like an easy choice. Now I'm mad at myself because Araceli warned me multiple times that she "wasn't smart enough" for Honors Science. I told her to work harder. She didn't, because she doesn't care about science, and she isn't afraid of parental consequences.
It's a full-time job to check everybody's grades, help everybody with homework and motivate all those kids in ways that are compatible with their personalities, while teaching them personal responsibility at the same time. All those glib answers like, "Let them fail now while the stakes are low, to teach them responsibility," and "MAKE them sit down and do their homework every night," those are things people say when they A) don't have kids B) have kids who aren't in school yet, C) have so few kids that MAKING them sit down and do their homework is a physical and logistical possibility or D) don't realize how lucky they are to have kids who comply out of fear/motivation/competitive spirit. I used to be in all of those categories.
Now I'm in a category where I wonder WHY SO MUCH of kids' academic success is dependent upon their parents' involvement during after-school hours. I know from having soooo many kids in school, at so many different achievement levels, that kids DON'T succeed without their parents' very involved support. Even Golda, who GETS excellent grades, forgets things at home all the time. Ruby, who is brilliant, has to be nagged to do things if she's not totally interested in them, and you are aware that she is solely interested in going to Europe, right? Araceli, a very responsible girl, could get things done if she wanted to, but sometimes she would rather just sew all night and get a B+ instead of an A in science, because who cares about science? Araceli cared to strive last year because she idolized her teacher. Because of that, she is in all these honors classes, scraping by.
Freestone will not do homework unless under extreme duress. What, should I just play the "natural consequences" card and teach him what it feels like to be a failure now, so he can start getting used to it? Xanthe, who is extremely driven, gives me the most guilt of all because she WOULD sit down with me for literally five hours every night and hammer out homework, but I just don't have it in me. I am not a math tutor. And now Ptolemy has a reading log. UGH! Why oh why do I have to fill in another log already!? The poor little boy is only five. But I don't want him to go to school unprepared and have that sinking feeling of failure. I feel so trapped. I could homeschool, yeah. But my kids are getting an excellent education at school! They are learning things I don't know. Math. French. Their teachers are bilingual, and teaching my kids to be. My kids belong in school and I feel good about where they are. I just want it to end when they come home. I want to just be a mom sometimes.
Then it didn't happen. She lives by her own expectations. I have known this since she was a baby, and yet I set up this scenario whereby Araceli had a good chance of disappointing me, depending on whether she gave a crap about a 4.0.
Turns out, she didn't. I got a call today from her Honors Science teacher that either Araceli could drop the honors designation and get a B+ or keep it and get a C, which would mean that she wouldn't get the honors designation anyway. Seems like an easy choice. Now I'm mad at myself because Araceli warned me multiple times that she "wasn't smart enough" for Honors Science. I told her to work harder. She didn't, because she doesn't care about science, and she isn't afraid of parental consequences.
It's a full-time job to check everybody's grades, help everybody with homework and motivate all those kids in ways that are compatible with their personalities, while teaching them personal responsibility at the same time. All those glib answers like, "Let them fail now while the stakes are low, to teach them responsibility," and "MAKE them sit down and do their homework every night," those are things people say when they A) don't have kids B) have kids who aren't in school yet, C) have so few kids that MAKING them sit down and do their homework is a physical and logistical possibility or D) don't realize how lucky they are to have kids who comply out of fear/motivation/competitive spirit. I used to be in all of those categories.
Now I'm in a category where I wonder WHY SO MUCH of kids' academic success is dependent upon their parents' involvement during after-school hours. I know from having soooo many kids in school, at so many different achievement levels, that kids DON'T succeed without their parents' very involved support. Even Golda, who GETS excellent grades, forgets things at home all the time. Ruby, who is brilliant, has to be nagged to do things if she's not totally interested in them, and you are aware that she is solely interested in going to Europe, right? Araceli, a very responsible girl, could get things done if she wanted to, but sometimes she would rather just sew all night and get a B+ instead of an A in science, because who cares about science? Araceli cared to strive last year because she idolized her teacher. Because of that, she is in all these honors classes, scraping by.
Freestone will not do homework unless under extreme duress. What, should I just play the "natural consequences" card and teach him what it feels like to be a failure now, so he can start getting used to it? Xanthe, who is extremely driven, gives me the most guilt of all because she WOULD sit down with me for literally five hours every night and hammer out homework, but I just don't have it in me. I am not a math tutor. And now Ptolemy has a reading log. UGH! Why oh why do I have to fill in another log already!? The poor little boy is only five. But I don't want him to go to school unprepared and have that sinking feeling of failure. I feel so trapped. I could homeschool, yeah. But my kids are getting an excellent education at school! They are learning things I don't know. Math. French. Their teachers are bilingual, and teaching my kids to be. My kids belong in school and I feel good about where they are. I just want it to end when they come home. I want to just be a mom sometimes.
2 comments:
Exactly. Exactly. Exactly!
You've just summed up my future in one post, I just don't know what parts of it yet. Silly me is the one asking for more home reading books to secure her English before she begins French Immersion in September. I'll comevback and retread this and say, 'ohhhhh, now I get it!'
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