End Game

See this kid?  He is of infinite worth.  He is important and valuable and he's a developing child, which means that he's more fragile than he looks.

This is how I think of all my students.  In ballet class as in violin lessons, some are further along than others.  My love for them is not contingent upon how "good" they are.  As a teacher, I am there to nurture them and to help them develop as humans.  As Shinichi Suzuki said, "When love is deep, much can be accomplished."

Araceli's cello teacher is one of the best and most widely known in the Suzuki world.  He said to me just last week, in talking about college professors, "First and foremost, you need a teacher who is nice."  I thought about that, and though simplistic, I love it because it embodies what Suzuki's teachings, and the teachings of the gospel are all about:  that love is the cornerstone and the end game.

I mention all of this because Freestone was berated and belittled in front of his ballroom team and his dad yesterday at a dress rehearsal.  The team mom yelled at him because he had taken the wrong prop out of a bag.  Then she turned on Scott and said, "This happens all the time with Freestone.  We're always having problems with this, and it's always Freestone."

Wow.  I come from the Suzuki tradition in music and the Clytie Adams approach in ballet, where the child is valued over the art, and as important as the art is, it is merely a vehicle to development of the human spirit.  Again, Suzuki said, "Beautiful heart, beautiful tone."  The pursuit of the art from molds children into good people.  Or should.  That mom's animosity toward my son seems at best pedestrian, and at worst, sheer abuse.  Who rips into a child, then tells the kid's parent that his son is always a problem?  Ironically, Freestone tried to tell her where the prop was, but she was too busy yelling at him to listen.  He later said, "I decided not to tell her because knowledge is power, and she was being mean."  So yeah, we're dealing with an imperfect child, but the mom's rudeness is probably more about the adult than the kid.

I get that Freestone took the wrong prop and maybe he's "always" making mistakes.  The sad part is that he loves ballroom, and that love has grown this year not because of the environment at the studio, but in spite of it.  Another example:  I was sitting next to his coach during Gem State as she filmed the dance.  She didn't know me.  I heard her cursing under her breath, "Come ON, Freestone.  Move over!  We've talked about this!"  Evidently, there was something off about the spacing.

I can't help but contrast that with our incredible piano and violin teacher, Janet, as she patiently helps Xanthe remember which hand plays the top line, for the ten thousandth time.  It inspires me to be a kinder parent, to remember that the end game is love.

I don't give a rat's ass whether Freestone's ballroom dance is perfect.  His team wins, but so?  I once had a dancer go onstage accidentally wearing her Crocs over her ballet shoes.  I was mortified, but it's not about me.  Poor girl!  Certainly, nobody yelled at her.  I don't even care if any of my children or students ever truly succeed at anything they study.  I care that they strive, yes, and I guide them to reach their full potential, but not through anger.  I care that they develop into compassionate, kind, interesting people, and I care that they know that I think they are worthwhile.  That's the majority of the reason Scott and I have our kids in the pursuits they are in, with the teachers they are with.  Our intent is not to toughen them up by exposing them to parents who yell at them and teachers who curse them when they think nobody is listening.  I am thankful for the teachers who truly are listening...to the hearts of the children they are entrusted with.