I was picking out celery at the store today. As I looked it over and tested different stalks for crispness, the most beautiful little girl walked up beside me. She copied my actions, touching the celery, looking for my reaction. As I smiled down at her, her mother suddenly jerked her arm away from the celery and shoved her toward the grocery cart where a baby waited in a carseat. She yelled harshly, "GIT over here! I told you to HOLD ON!" The girl started to cry, "But I'm hungry!" The mom viciously berated her, saying, "You're going hungry! You'll go down for a nap when we get home! You're acting like a brat!"
As I departed the produce section, I'm afraid I gave the mother a withering stare, a look meant to cast judgment. I immediately felt sorry, and embarrassed about my reaction. I didn't have kids with me, so I wasn't in that frazzled frame of mind where it seems like the kids are touching every piece of fruit in the store and asking for anything and everything made of high fructose corn syrup and lard. But that's where the other mom was, and who hasn't been there?
What she needed more than a scornful glance was a sympathetic comment. "You're doing a good job. You're having a hard day, but I know you're a good mom." It's those times when we are at our worst that we need someone to tell us we're better than that. I could have lifted that woman and changed the trajectory of her day. I could have shortened and sweetened those long hours between now and bedtime. I am sad that I didn't do that for her, because I know what it's like to be in her spent and tired shoes. Now I'll never see her again, and I don't know how to make the universe right again except to say to those moms I know, "You're doing a good job. You're a good mom. Your kids are beautiful because of you."
I have the little celery girl in my mind today, hoping her mom has a restful afternoon and somehow gets the perspective she needs to see her children through a stranger's eyes.
8 comments:
Yes, the celery mom is in all of us at some point or another. I have caught myself doing the same thing. Thanks for the reminder. So true!
That's one of the great things about being a mother. As your children come to your home with their varying personalities and frustrations you learn more and more not to judge others. Whenever I see a mom in a store at her wits end or with a screaming child, I just think I'm glad that's not me right now because next time it probably will be.
A great reminder that it is easy to judge but more compassionate to try and see from another's perspective. Hope that little girl got some lunch anyway!:)
I love your perspective. It is always easier to understand someone when we have walked in their shoes a time or two. I know I have been that frustrated mom before.
I remember having a day like that several months ago. Although I wasn't being harsh with my kids, I was overwhelmed at the grocery store with a screaming baby, wandering two-year-old, and need to be home in time for my Kindergartner who was to be home from school soon. As I was standing in line to purchase my groceries, a kind woman turned to me and said, "I think you are doing a great job. You are a good mom."
It made all the difference in the world to me. It changed my day. As I walked out into the parking lot, my son kept on dodging me and there were cars everywhere. They all waited patiently for me to get things under control. Not a single honk from a single soul; or a rolled down car window yelling at me to get my kid on a leash!
That day changed my entire perspective. Now, when I'm in a grocery store or any other public place, I try much harder to be sympathetic to those who are struggling with their children.
I loved that post. Thank you for that!
Through thin apartment walls I heard my neighbor yelling at her newborn. I happened to be doing research on child abuse at the time; I even thought about sneakily leaving a pamphlet on her doorstep as a "Dear Abby" type intervention. I didn't. Later, in my continued research, I interviewed a community leader. His words gave me pause -- that reaching out to a frazzled parent when we see one can have a positive ripple effect, often turning the tide for the children's sakes. I know that mother neighbor loved her baby, and I did try to be friendly, but I'm sorry that my involvement was limited to hellos as we passed. Knowing now what I do about the frustrations of motherhood I wish I'd invited her to go out for ice cream. I wish I'd done more.
Thank you for this eloquent reminder.
oops that was me. So I'll say something else, that you DID do something by encouraging all of us to be more compassionate.
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