Bend THIS

You can tell which kids are the soccer kids in one glance. It's not the girls who are picking flowers, wearing a dress and floral leggings with shinguards over them. Frankly, soccer just isn't our thing. Yet every season, we seem to end up with at least one kid joining AYSO. The first season with Golda, I raised my hand at the first practice and asked when the girls were to receive their costumes. It's been downhill ever since. I won't even go into Freestone's soccer experience last year, during which he scored several goals for the opposing teams.

The ineptitude began a generation ago, before coaches started giving every kid an equal chance. I was always the kid who stood there trying to look focused while the ball was in play at the other end of the field. Halfback? I even lagged seriously behind when it came to getting an orange slice at halftime. There were never any left by the time I jogged all the way over from the far end of the field.

Here is one reason I'm not a "soccer mom" in the strictest sense:

"Hello, is this...uh...Erachelli's mom?"
"Yes. Hi!"
"Hi, I'm Amy. I'm coaching Erachelli's team, and they just called me last night when the dad who was supposed to coach dropped out. So we have our first practice today at 4:00 and a game Saturday at 12:00. Bring a ball and wear cleats and shinguards."
(I'm thinking "OK, the practice is during ballet and the game is during cello. Oh, and let's see...do I have time to go and buy cleats before 4:00?")

On so many levels, I despise soccer. The lack of organization, the way it abruptly butts into our schedule for six weeks in the fall and six weeks in the spring, the incessant running after the ball with no clear idea of technique, the parents who won't stop shouting things like "Way to hustle!" I'm also miffed about the way proponents tout AYSO as character-building and self-esteem boosting. If you want your kid to build character, put her in a ballet program where if she works consistently for several years, she might get pretty good. Have her play an instrument and teach her to practice every single day, not just 12 times a year. And for crying out loud, do not give a kid a trophy when his biggest accomplishment was eating the most fruit snacks after the game! Still, when Ari asked to do it, I said yes because it's good exercize, and because the older kids got to try it. Also, it's a good lesson in following through with something because you said you would. Truth be told, I like having an excuse to get outside and relax for an hour on Saturdays. Or a half hour if the game inexplicably starts twenty minutes late and Ari has to leave after the third quarter to get to cello.
When we left for soccer practice today, Ari said, "OK, I'll go. Even though soccer is the stupidest thing in the WORLD!" Mission accomplished right there. She gets the dedication thing, yet she's not likely to try it again. Way to hustle, Erachelli!