My most recent parenting book (still hoping for new kids by Friday! lol...) said that kids act out for attention. They're acting naughty just to get attention. "Yeah," I thought, "so how do I get them to stop acting out for attention?" The answer literally made me gasp: GIVE THEM THE ATTENTION! What?? You mean talk with them and read with them and listen to their stories in the car and watch them play? Crazy.
Today I realized that the "giving more attention" approach has actually been working with Xanthe over the past couple of months. For so long, I've been waiting for her to get big enough to do things. And for the same span of time, she has been a whiny, demanding little beggar precisely because everyone has stuff they're big enough for except her. She craved more responsibility and autonomy. Duh! I began to see how wonderful she was at school and how organized she was about it. Ballet, which she finally got big enough for, was the same thing. She will not wear a bright-colored tutu like the other little girls in her class. She has to have black, like the big kids. Today when I offered her the the fabulous blue and green leo, she said, "I need black. That one's not a-pope-weeat." Not appropriate? I'm so glad this kid is ready to be big. She might be the size of a small three-year-old, but she's maturing. It must be comforting to her to have her own responsibilities. Of course, she isn't perfect, but neither am I, and I've had 38 years to work on it!
After ballet, I had planned to drop her off at a friend's house for a playdate. Do you know what she said? "But I didn't do my practicing yet." I'd be a fool to argue with that! So the friends came over to our house instead, and waited for Xanthe to finish her piano. She just got a chart to fill in to earn her Twinkle Trophy, and she is going to get that trophy in record time. Every time she fills in a box on that chart, I can see her confidence growing.
It's so nice to be at the stage where there are such fun options for getting attention. Practicing and going to lessons and school are healthier ways of making your mark in the world than rolling around at your mom's feet, whining for a drink or screaming in the night for someone to come and straighten your blanket. I'll listen to as many Twinkle variations as it takes if we never have to go back there!
4 comments:
It sounds like the book is working. I had better read it soon. I also realized just recently that when I really pay attention to my kids they are so much better. I am just sad I actually had to realize that.
Really good advice at a time when Em is really pushing buttons. Thanks! For sure potluck for Chinese New Year. I'll pass that along to any other moms as well.
So true and well said. I had that realization lately with Lilah. I knew there was a good girl hiding in there somewhere! I am still planning on calling you on Friday! Ha! Ha! No, really, I am.
What a good Mom you are, and a great writer to boot. Have you considred penning a parenting book yourself? I always love your insights, and girl, you can turn a phrase. I love how you write!
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