New Kids on the Block

I'm sure everyone is anxiously awaiting the verdict. (Or possibly just Jer's Jenny!) Did I get a whole batch of new kids by Friday? The short answer is yes, I think I did. Not due to changes in the kids, necessarily, but due to changes in the mom. I'll tell you what the major things I took away from the book were.

1. "Say it once, turn your back, walk away." I tried to stick with not nagging, but trusting the kids to do what I asked. If they didn't, an unforeseen consequence would take place later. "Oh, you want a friend over? That would have been fun, but remember when you didn't take out the garbage like I asked? Sorry!" Surprisingly, the kids accepted this approach.

2. "When you get angry at your kids, it is like throwing up all over them." It's harsh, but it's true. I truly believe that it harms my kids when they are the recipients of my free-floating anger. I am working on dealing with them in a way that completely excludes me throwing up hostility all over them. They don't need that, and it is not an effective parenting tool. This is a big goal for me. I know I can find a better way than anger.

3. I asked myself approximately five thousand times this week, "Is this a big deal?" Hairspray in the car...couch cushions on the floor...chanting nursery rhymes...laughing too loud...walking in the snow... so many things, I found I could let slide and have happy kids in exchange. I noticed that what I had perceived as gentle course corrections could be perceived as constant criticism by my kids. Why do I always have to be telling them what not to do when it's not a big deal? I tried to redirect my energy to listening to them rather than bossing them. Did they become completely unruly? No. They became more relaxed and cooperative, more confident that they could go about their day without someone constantly saying in effect, "You're doing that wrong. You're doing that wrong. you're doing that wrong."

If parenting were like climbing a ladder, something you get better and better at, I think I would be one step better after my efforts this week. Alas, a new complication will inevitably arise next week, and I will be at the library looking under "Self-help." Someday maybe all my bits of knowledge will coalesce into some kind of rudimentary ability to successfully raise these kids. Until then, I keep trying. Most importantly, to my offspring who read this blog, I LOVE this job! I am honored to be your mom. You are great. I love you!