I have a serious grammar and punctuation problem. I can't read something without editing it in my mind. Some people are good at math or growing food or saving lives. Some have less useful skills, like remembering everything they learned in 10th grade English. Things that don't bother the general population, like the rampant overuse of apostrophes and how people get homonyms wrong, make me unreasonably cranky. So help me out here:
You're = you are, your is possessive.
You're sure you want me to proofread your paper?
Its = possessive, it's = it is. I - T - apostrophe - S always means IT IS. It's doesn't mean anything except "it is."
It's funny when the dog chases its tail. It's not funny when it bites its owner.
See how its sometimes doesn't need an apostrophe?
Who's = who is. Whose is a possessive.
Who's going to the store? Whose shoes are those?
Everyday is an adjective. Every day is not.
Do you have to wear your everyday shoes every day? It's not every day that you get ice cream. Ice cream is not an everyday treat. Get it?
And for Pete's sake, only use apostrophe-S when it's possessive. There's no need to throw in random apostrophes (See, I didn't put one there, did I?) whenever there's an S at the end of a word. 's doesn't make words plural. It makes words possessive. I saw a sign in a store that said, "Beanie Baby's on sale." Does that bother anyone beside's me? Am I the only one with issue's? Do you think I have problem's?
This personality flaw I have is mostly my mom's fault. If you give her a heartfelt Mothers' Day card, she'll read it like this: "Dear Mom...forgot the comma...Your the best mom ever...you spelled you're wrong...I love you, blah blah, blah...dangling participle, run-on sentence...eternally grateful...Oh, that's sweet, but you didn't indent the second paragraph."
There, I feel better getting all my grammar pet peeves off my chest, but everybody hates me. That's the price I pay for being an annoying know-it-all, harping about my only true talent in life, punctuation. I'm like an idiot savant with this stuff. But...cut me some slack. This is all kinda for my mom's birthday. I know she'll get a kick out of it. She's an English teacher, after all. Happy birthday, Mom! Thanks for everything you've taught me.
P. S. I just got a text from my mom saying, "I loved your blog but there's a typo in the first line." Thanks, Mom. I fixed it!
You're = you are, your is possessive.
You're sure you want me to proofread your paper?
Its = possessive, it's = it is. I - T - apostrophe - S always means IT IS. It's doesn't mean anything except "it is."
It's funny when the dog chases its tail. It's not funny when it bites its owner.
See how its sometimes doesn't need an apostrophe?
Who's = who is. Whose is a possessive.
Who's going to the store? Whose shoes are those?
Everyday is an adjective. Every day is not.
Do you have to wear your everyday shoes every day? It's not every day that you get ice cream. Ice cream is not an everyday treat. Get it?
And for Pete's sake, only use apostrophe-S when it's possessive. There's no need to throw in random apostrophes (See, I didn't put one there, did I?) whenever there's an S at the end of a word. 's doesn't make words plural. It makes words possessive. I saw a sign in a store that said, "Beanie Baby's on sale." Does that bother anyone beside's me? Am I the only one with issue's? Do you think I have problem's?
This personality flaw I have is mostly my mom's fault. If you give her a heartfelt Mothers' Day card, she'll read it like this: "Dear Mom...forgot the comma...Your the best mom ever...you spelled you're wrong...I love you, blah blah, blah...dangling participle, run-on sentence...eternally grateful...Oh, that's sweet, but you didn't indent the second paragraph."
There, I feel better getting all my grammar pet peeves off my chest, but everybody hates me. That's the price I pay for being an annoying know-it-all, harping about my only true talent in life, punctuation. I'm like an idiot savant with this stuff. But...cut me some slack. This is all kinda for my mom's birthday. I know she'll get a kick out of it. She's an English teacher, after all. Happy birthday, Mom! Thanks for everything you've taught me.
P. S. I just got a text from my mom saying, "I loved your blog but there's a typo in the first line." Thanks, Mom. I fixed it!
7 comments:
Im write their with ya. Can we extend your list to include the whole lie/lay debacle? When someone says, "I need to lay down," the voice in my head says, "What? Some bricks? Tile?"
Happy Birthday to Coco!
And I thought my mom was the only grammar Nazi out there. Sign printers should not be allowed to operate unless they pass an extensive grammar test first because it makes me nuts to see it in bold, large permanence.
What I still need to learn is how to punctuate with parentheses.
I'm with Liz - how do parentheses and punctuation work? I never did understand Ken Cook's lecture on lay, lie, etc... ...a little help please. It's a good thing we are friends, because I need help here........and don't you think I use to many periods.........as if I can't finish a sentence...........*sigh*
ps - we miss you.
pss- what is a dangling participle? It's been 20 yrs.
It was your mother that taught me how to conjugate my new last name. Having a name that ends in S is tricky.
Very funny. Mine is grammer. I am pretty particular about was, were, is ect...when used incorrectly. I do my dardest not to correct people that are not my kids. It comes from my sister and mother.
Ummm what? You lost me after the word possessive...
ITS amazing Coco didn't forbid Josh from entering into my presence. Maybe she didn't know the extent of my problem. SO glad my kids have an aunt & a Coco to teach them the right! Happy Birthday Coco & Scott yesterday!! Hope you guys are enjoying some R&R, don't look at any retail signs....
Do you ever watch the program Sunday Morning with Charles Osgood? Last week they had a whole story about a group of people tackling the world's (think I used that one right) grammar and punctuation errors. They travel around with whiteout and a sharpie, begging people to let them fix their errors. I bet they would let you join!
Post a Comment