It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To

"It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To" is the perfect song for Xanthe.  She is such a high-strung kid, her birthday celebration today (real b-day is Sunday) was equal parts misery and elation.  The misery was the waiting for the cake, the pizza, the party, the presents.  On a day that was forecast to be rainy in San Diego, we had clear, blue skies for a beautiful walk on the pier.  Xanthe dragged herself around like a wet noodle, moaning about how hungry she was.  She has been working on smiling and being "likable," so she got lots of chances to plaster on her fake smile as she suffered through the parts of her (fake) birthday that didn't involve food.  (FYI:  I promise, we FEED her!  ALL the time!)

At least she had her dollar-store faux hair braids to flip around.  Every stranger on the street today got their own personal hair-braid-flip from Xanthe.  She felt like hot stuff, our little six-year-old!  She told me after our little party that her favorite part of her birthday was "cake and ice cream and lunch."  Surprise, surprise!  :)

As Xanthe gets older, more of her personality reveals itself.  Xanthe is not a giver as far as love and affection.  She is very guarded about showing smiles or revealing her feelings, unless they are feelings of discontent or hunger.  When a true smile cracks her face and her eyes transform into twinkles, Xanthe is a different girl.  It has been five years since Scott and I met Xanthe and saw her first tentative smile.  Not wanting to give away too much, she would just stick out her little tongue to let us know she was in there during those first few days we were together.  Xanthe is still a closed book in some ways, with an extremely strong padlock guarding her true self.  Sometimes I look into her eyes and imagine the generations of steely, courageous Han warriors who came before Xanthe.  Her ancestors had to be warriors for their bloodline to result in our courageous fighter.  I cry for her family's loss, and for Xanthe's, but I celebrate the inclusion in our eternal family of this spicy little girl.  I imagine that behind all Xanthe's might, there is a fragile little flower.  That is the girl I try to nurture when I'm dealing with the girl who is the iron mask with the megaphone voice.  Every girlish giggle is a victory, and we had lots today.  Happy birthday, Xanthe Mary Mei!  We love you!