4 x 2

We have been wrestling with the notion of letting Xanthe repeat 4th grade, and I finally sent a letter to the principal.  He called me later that day and said he approved of our request.  I don't know if we're right, and the data that's out there certainly disagrees with me, but I don't care.  This is what I feel is best, and all I can do is pray that it's the right thing to do.  I feel a curious weight lifted, as if finally things are falling into place.  We have regained the year we never had with Xanthe.  I am so happy for her.  You have no idea how traumatic it was for her to be excused from the work the other kids were doing in class and for homework this year, because of all the time spent in resource.  For anyone interested, here is the letter.

Our daughter Xanthe Mary Mei was born in China and left at an orphanage when she was four days old.  She spent the first 13 months of her life in institutional care.  Despite the best efforts of her caretakers, she was not able to develop mentally, emotionally or physically during that year.  Consequently, she spent the second year of her life learning things a baby would learn, such as the concepts of mother and father, how to sleep, how to roll over, and how to pick up food and put it in her mouth.

Xanthe has never regained that lost year.  That is the primary reason we wish to have her repeat 4th grade.  We should have kept her back from kindergarten for another year when she was five, but at that time, most of her developmental delays were not definable, even if they were clearly present.  We thought school would be good for her, and it was.

Yet she was not ready to keep up. We petitioned the school to let Xanthe drop out of the French immersion program after first grade.  Our appeal was denied.  We petitioned the school to allow Xanthe to repeat second grade.  Our appeal was denied.  She was not yet "far enough behind."  As her parents, we knew what was in Xanthe's best interest.  As administrators following the guidelines, the school did not know.  I strongly regret not taking more action two years ago, following my instinct and insisting that Xanthe repeat second grade.  And I regret the decision the school made to keep Xanthe in the French program, which has not been a good fit for her. 

I feel that we have a chance to right those mistakes now.  Xanthe will be leaving the French program, just like we wanted her to two years ago, so repeating 4th grade without that component will feel like a whole different experience. Repeating 4th grade may even prove to be a better idea than repeating 2nd grade would have been. Had Xanthe repeated 2nd grade, we would possibly never have known the extent of her delays, or the causes.   As it was, we were able to get diagnoses from her doctors at Primary Childrens of Auditory Processing disorder and various deficits in her brain function.

Now, if these disabilities were going to preclude Xanthe from catching up, we would just keep plugging away in resource.  But Xanthe has shown vast improvement in many areas.  She will catch up.  She needs more time.  She loves to learn and loves to achieve.  She is a hard worker.  A don't want to see that work ethic and determination ebb away as school becomes increasingly frustrating for her, when the alternative could be success if she has more time.

She simply needs that year back, the year that she lost from birth to age one.  As her parents, we have not given Xanthe that year back, and she deserves it.  We have not advocated strongly enough for our daughter, and we have not provided what she needs.  She needs one more year to catch up, emotionally, socially, mentally and academically.  Xanthe's two closest cousins are in the grade below Xanthe at Morgan Elementary.  She functions much more easily with them and other younger children than she does in her age group.  Socially, Xanthe would benefit from repeating 4^th grade.  In fact, she is very relieved about the prospect.  Emotionally, she needs a little extra time to mature.

I see Xanthe repeating 4th grade, catching up in many ways, and going on to junior high on par with her peers, able to join them in the regular classroom, able to interact with them socially on a level she is comfortable with, and feeling like she isn't always being left behind.  I understand that increasing Xanthe’s time in special ed classes is an alternative, but not the one we would like to see long-term. 

I am aware that the literature suggests that repeating a grade doesn't help and can be detrimental, but of course we have to look at each individual case.  This is not a last resort for Xanthe.  It is not a failure.  This is the best solution.  It always HAS been the best solution for Xanthe, it has just taken us all these years to get it right.  With so many parents holding their boys back from entering kindergarten, the age difference between Xanthe and the kids in the grade below her is a matter of one or two months in some cases.  Xanthe's birthday is quite late, in April, and being Chinese, she is small.  She will fit right in, age-wise and size-wise.  More importantly, she will fit in emotionally and academically.  I don't want to just keep struggling to catch up, when there is a better solution.

Thank you for considering our appeal.  While we respect the professionals at Morgan elementary, we know what is best for Xanthe.  Please let us know if you need more documentation of our case, from doctors, adoption specialists, professionals familiar with the effects of institutional care, or education professionals familiar with previously institutionalized children in the public school system.