Oh, This is Rich

Scott and I have long maintained that we would be huge jerks if we were super-rich.  It's true.  We always talk about what we would do with "40 million dollars."  That's after taxes and tithing.  Once we get past the part in the conversation where we give our parents and all of our brothers and sisters new cars and houses, we become huge jerks.

We call in a team of workers and completely finish our house.  We even get toilet paper holders that don't fall off the wall.  We expand.  We build a guest house and a pool house in the back yard.  Heck, we buy the house behind us and turn it into a guest house.  I secretly build a pool (while he's out shopping) because Scott doesn't want one, and I hire a lifeguard to sit there 24 hours a day, in case anyone wants to swim.  Our pool house is stocked with new towels and swimsuits for guests, and there's a huge kitchen with its own chef to prepare food for parties.  Because the regular chef is busy fixing nutritious, vegan-ish meals three times a day for our family, plus after-school snacks and things to eat in the car that don't make a mess.  We have another chef who just does sushi.

We have a couple of full-time drivers, a few practicing coaches and at least three people who read to and with the kids for hours every day, not to mention helping them with their homework.  That way, I can work or play with a kid without having to carry on six conversations at once.  Each kid has their own language coach who teaches them Mandarin.  Any time a grade in school drops below an A, an educational specialist appears to tutor the child in the car on the way to their dance classes.  (Can you imagine a driver who just drives?)  And did I mention our housekeeping staff?  I, myself, have three housekeepers that just clean and organize closets all the time.  And each child has an assistant who follows them around teaching them how to clean up after themselves and making them do it. And my hair looks fantastic, now that I don't have to spend 25 hours a day cleaning and doing laundry.  My hair is so freakin' fluffy, you hardly recognize me.

We travel all the time.  We buy a condo in Imperial Beach so we can go there anytime.  Whenever we want to take the kids to Disneyland, we go to the one in Hong Kong.  We have our favorite hotels and restaurants there, and the kids love the multi-cultural city almost as much as they love Paris, where we shop for school clothes.  We spend every summer lounging on the beach in the Algarve, where the kids pick up Portuguese from the locals, and we jet off on humanitarian service trips whenever we have a chance.

Like I said, Scott and I would be SO annoying if we had 40 million dollars.  But we'd take our friends on trips to exotic locations with us!  So, will you still be our friend when we're loaded?  What would YOU do with "40 million dollars?"